Link Of The Week

Just about anyone who has been on a car roadtrip with their family has been forced to play countless games while travelling, in attempts to keep from getting on the driver's nerves.  I'm an only child, and when we went on vacations, it was just the 'rents and me, so they had to come up with things other than games to keep me entertained in the car, or else they would have to take turns playing the game with me.  But for those of you with siblings, I'm sure it was more entertaining on your roadtrips.  After License Plate Bingo got tired, Twenty Questions was always good for at least a half an hour.  I found an interesting site this week where you can play Twenty Questions online.  Visit http://www.20q.net/ and play a few games.  I played three games, and only won one of the games, so the 20q machine is pretty smart.  So before you go out partying this evening to say goodbye to 2006, take a few minutes to check out the game.   And have a safe, fun, and happy New Year's Eve.

Yahoo's Top Searches of 2006

January - Pat Robertson's comments on Ariel Sharon's stroke

February - Coretta Scott King dies

March - U.S. immigration protests

April - Suri Cruise born

May - FBI digs for Jimmy Hoffa's remains

June - Star Jones Renyolds leaves The View

July - Floyd Landis doping scandal

August - K-Fed's rap debut

September - Steve Irwin killed by a stingray

October - pumpkin seeds

November - Britney divorces K-Fed (note: more popular than TomKat's wedding)

December - Tara Conner Miss USA scandal

I Thought I Had a Rough Week At Work

Even though it was a short work week, it was still a long week for my department - in addition to doing our normal work, we had to go out into the factory and warehouse and count inventory this week.  Even my boss and the department head would be the first to say they would rather be beat with a stick than to go out and count inventory.  But even though we had to crawl and climb over pallets and other obstacles to get our counts this week, we still didn't have it nearly as rough as the servers at our local O'Charley's restaurant this evening.  In the 45 minutes I was there waiting for my carryout order, I witnessed three servers dropping their trays full of food.  Maybe I should have said that we didn't have it nearly as rough as the people waiting for their food. 

I deviated from our usual Friday fish this evening, and instead went to O'Charley's for a big dinner.  Dad and I referred to it as our Last Supper, for come Tuesday, we're cutting back and are going to get back on track with Mom and her healthy eating.  So I thought we'd splurge this weekend by having a nice dinner.  I placed my order and sat by the bar people watching while I waited.  It was a Friday night, and the restaurant was full, so I knew it would take awhile, but I was fairly content watching the people.  While I sat there waiting, I saw and heard three major spills.  We're not talking a spilled glass or a dropped plastic basket of bread; we're talking trays full of people's food - food that people had been waiting for for almost an hour like me.  Nobody was hurt in the spills, but the third spill was so intense, that the server fell down and one of her shoes flew off.  That's some spill.  And here I thought I had a rough week at work. At least I managed to keep my shoes on.

Mullet Watch

I really got my hopes up the other night when the 'rents and I were having supper at Cracker Barrel.  We were shoveling in our dumplins and pinto beans when in walked a female mullet. Out of my periphreal vision, I could see a guy and a boy with her, and for a split second I thought we were going to have a TWIT Mullet Watch first: an entire mullet family.  My excitement was short lived when I saw that the guy and boy both had short hair.  But at least I did get to see a female mullet. They sat down at the table right next to us, and believe me - I wanted to try and get picture of her with my phone camera, but there was no way I could have gotten a shot without being very conspicuous.  But believe me when I say if it had in deed been an entire mullet family, I would have gotten a picture even if I had to ask them to pose for me.  The mullet was long by female mullet standards (past her shoulders) and it was salt and pepper colored.  It wasn't half-permed unfortunately, and was slightly wavy, but it was a female mullet nonetheless.

Mullet count: 38

P.S. Please leave comments or email me and let me know if I should start our Mullet Count over January 1 or if we should just keep a running total.  I'm torn with what to do, and am counting on you, my faithful readers, for input.

Farewell, President Ford

TWIT's tribute to President Gerald Ford is written by my dear friend and eloquent writer, MP.  I've asked him to become a recurring guest writer in TWIT.

After finishing a frantic bout of Christmas cleaning and packing the turkey roaster, dutch ovens, crock pots and stock pots to rest for another holiday, I settled back to prepare a pot of 15 bean soup with the leftover ham bone while watching Jay Leno.  A somber yet aged looking NBC News Special Report façade interrupted the show with a 20 second delay of silence.  I was surprised but not shocked when the late night NBC news correspondent announced that former President Gerald Ford had passed away a few hours earlier at age 93.   President Bush, who personally expressed his condolences in a phone call late Tuesday night with former first lady Betty Ford, called the former president a "man of integrity" who devoted the best years of his life to the nation.  "On Aug. 9, 1974, he stepped into the presidency without ever having sought the office," Bush said. "He assumed power in a period of great division and turmoil. For a nation that needed healing and for an office that needed a calm and steady hand, Gerald Ford came along when we needed him most." 

According to USA Today, Ford was born Leslie Lynch King Jr. on July 14, 1913, in Omaha. His father, an alcoholic, threatened his mother with a knife just after his birth, and she moved her 2-week-old son to Grand Rapids, Mich., to live with her parents.  Three years later, she married Gerald Ford, a paint salesman. The Fords called their son Gerald, and in 1935, Leslie King changed his name to Gerald Ford.  During summers, he filled paint cans at his father's store. And in his college years at the University of Michigan, Ford held a variety of jobs, including summer stints as a park ranger at Yellowstone National Park and as a model. Ford played football and basketball and ran track in high school, earning all-city and all-state honors as a star center in football. He went on to star on national championship football teams at the University of Michigan in 1932 and '33. He received offers to play professionally from the Green Bay Packers and Detroit Lions but turned them down.

I was 13 years old at the time when my parents beckoned me into the den to watch a tired and beleaguered President Nixon relinquish the presidency amid the never ending Watergate scandal that had endured after interrupting months of regularly scheduled television daytime programming.  I noticed that Pat Nixon was stoic and confident although deflated while daughter Patricia wept in silence.  Soon after, they were all swept away in a military helicopter to exile shortly after the powers were transitioned over to Ford.  I am probably older than most of the readers in this forum but will try to put a timeline on the significance of this event in that very turgid time in our lives.  JFK had just been assassinated 11 years before, Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert Kennedy six years before, forced desegregation plans in Louisville and Boston was being mapped out amid bitter opposition, the Vietnam War had ended a year earlier in miserable defeat, and our region had just been devastated by the infamous April 3rd tornado.  A plethora of civil rights relieving the massive racial and women’s marches were being enacted and even though the mandatory military draft had been discontinued, another round of talks to reinstate a water downed version of the draft was in the works.

USA Today reports that as the 38th president, Ford, who enjoyed a reputation for integrity on both sides of the political aisle, immediately tried to soothe the wounded nation. "The long national nightmare is over," he said as he was sworn in on Aug. 9, 1974. "Our Constitution works."  Although Ford's approval ratings initially soared, he would lose the 1976 presidential contest to former Georgia governor Jimmy Carter — largely, in the view of historians and his biographers, because he pardoned Nixon just months after being sworn in to office.  The pardon ignited a political firestorm and prompted Democrats to question whether Nixon had made a deal with Ford to protect him from prosecution. Ford resolutely denied that there was any quid pro quo.  Ford remains the only unelected U.S. president. He said he did not regret his decision to pardon Nixon.  "There was such venom toward Nixon for Watergate that the public just didn't understand there was something (to be considered) over and above Nixon's personal problems," Ford said in 2003. "My problem was trying to restore public confidence across the board."  Nixon was rather reserved and conspiratorial while Ford exuded openness and genuineness that the nation hungered for.  Hisfriends, family and staffers contend that the former star football player and son of Michigan possessed the right blend of heartland decency and reverence for his country to be able to steady the nation after the morass of Watergate and the reverberations of the Vietnam War.

And with that, I do remember the venom that Americans were stewing in at that time.  I have immense respect for Ford for moving us in a new direction during the trying 1970s and especially for escaping two assassination attempts.  Heartfelt condolences and buckets of love are extended to the Ford family as they prepare for the upcoming presidential funeral that will transition Gerald Ford, the longest living US president, to his final resting place.

 

Farewell, James Brown

TWIT is sad to report the death of the Godfather of Soul, James Brown.  Brown died yesterday morning at the age of 73 from congestive heart failure.  He'd been hospitalized on Sunday with pneumonia.  Brown's music changed the American cultural landscape through his gospel, soul, and R&B music.  His hits "Papa's Got A Brand New Bag" and "I Feel Good" laid the foundation for funk, disco, rap and hip-hop music.  His wild style, high-energy dance moves, and over-the-top performances helped create the standard for showmanship. He will be remembered for his groundbreaking music, over-the-top stage presence, classic coiffed pompadour, political activism, and constant run-ins with the law.

Brown's 1969 hit "Ain't It Funky Now," helped build the foundation for the latest American music form called hip-hop. The sample of that song, known in urban music circles as "The Funky Drummer," is the most borrowed baseline in music history most notably on LL Cool J's "Boomin' System" and Public Enemy's "Fight the Power." Even Madonna ("Justify My Love"), Sinead O'Connor ("I'm Stretched On Your Grave"), and George Michael ("Waiting for the Day: You Can't Always Get What you Want), borrowed the famous drumbeat.

Brown was a more than the Godfather of Soul - he was the king of soul. With numerous chart topping hits and recordings, Brown was one of the charter members of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, a recipient of the prestigious Kennedy Center Honors in 2003, and received the Lifetime Achievement Grammy Award in 1992.

While most of Brown's life was glitz and glitter, he was plagued with charges of abusing drugs and alcohol and of hitting his third wife, Adrienne.  In September 1988, Brown, high on PCP and carrying a shotgun, entered an insurance seminar next to his Augusta office. Police said he asked seminar participants if they were using his private restroom.
Police chased Brown for a half-hour from Augusta into South Carolina and back to Georgia. The chase ended when police shot out the tires of his truck.  Brown received a six-year prison sentence. He spent 15 months in a South Carolina prison and 10 months in a work release program before being paroled in February 1991. In 2003, the South Carolina parole board granted him a pardon for his crimes in that state.

To me, James Brown was one of THE performers.  His stage presence could equal none.  When he moved, it was as if his hips, knees and ankles were double jointed.  During the climax of his stage show, he would do a variation of the splits, and it would seem as if he'd fainted on stage.  Then one of his peeps would appear with his cape, and once it was around his neck it was as if he'd come to life. 

You will be missed, James Brown. But thank you for expanding music and rhythm and blues for us and giving us funk and soul.

 

 

 

Merry Christmas

The 'rents and I just finished with our Christmas dinner, and I wanted to take a moment to wish you, my faithful readers, a very Merry Christmas.  I hope all of your Christmas wishes came true.  I know mine did - I don't have to go back to work until Wednesday! Here's some pictures taken this week at The Compound so you can see how we roll here at Christmas.  I hope you enjoy seeing our decorations - I know we enjoy putting them up every year.  I've also included a couple of pictures of my nutcrackers.  In case I hadn't mentioned it before, I've been collecting them for the past twenty years. As of this afternoon, the official count is 52. 

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Link Of The Week

I've never driven in such heavy fog like I did on the way to church this morning.  We thought the sun would burn some of it off by the time we came home but it was still just as thick.  All I'm saying is that Rudolph is going to get quite a workout tonight, guiding Santa's sleigh through the fog.  If you'd like to keep track of where Santa is, you can check him out on radar.  Go to http://www.noradsanta.org/en/default.php and you can track where Santa has been and where he's going next.  When I last checked, he was getting ready to make a stop in Fuji, Japan.  So you better watch out, because Santa Clause is definitely coming to town. 

This Is What Christmas Is All About

It's been a very long and tiring week.  Actually, it's been a long and tiring month.  I've had working overtime at work this week to count inventory, had holiday errands to run almost every night after work, and was busy in the evenings with Ladies Auxiliary things and with tying up loose ends at Fourth Avenue Baptist Church (FAB).  When people have asked if I was looking forward to Christmas, I told them I was looking foward to having a four-day weekend so I could get a little bit of rest. 

I was up at 8:30 this morning and hit the ground running. This was the morning of the official trip to the post office to mail our donation checks from FAB.  The trustees met last week and decided what Christian charities and mission organizations would get FAB's money, and I'm very proud to say that in about an hour's time, we disbursed almost a quarter of a million dollars.  No, that's no exageration nor mistype; we had over $200,000 to give away.  We kept cool, calm heads and we divided up among local, state, nation and world-wide mission groups and Christian charities.  I think that the Lord is proud of the way we handled it.  So fast foward to this week, when my last act as treasurer of FAB was to write out the checks.  That was the easy part; the hard part was filling out all of the cards and slips to send the checks by certified mail.  I finsihed up yesterday during afternoon break at work, and this morning I braved the post office lobby full of last minute holiday mailers to get my checks mailed.  I was only there for 20 minutes, so that wasn't too bad. 

Let me backtrack a bit.  As I said, I got up at 8:30 with the intention of getting to the post office early, but that didn't happen.  Another Christmas "project" happened before I could get my checks mailed.  Our friend Steve next door stopped by, and asked if we knew of any needy families that our VFW could give a Christmas basket.  We couldn't think of anyone, and after a few minutes I had an idea.  FAB gave the remaining $200 in our benevolent account to a local family whose house burned to the ground a few weeks ago.  I'd heard about the family through Diva Stacy - the family's kids attend school with her children.  Since they lost everything, I figured not having to buy groceries would help them out some.  I made a couple of calls and within a few minutes time I had contacted the fire department that had responded to the family's fire.  I explained to them what we wanted to do and they said they had some clothing and toys that they were going to take to that family, and that they would be more than happy to deliver the food for me.  Now that the logistics were taken care of, all I had to do was go over to the VFW and pick up the food and take it to the fire house.  Easier said than done.

This Christmas miracle of the food was about the same size proportion of my friend Rick's toys he donated a few months ago.  I was expecting to get a bushel basket full of some canned goods and maybe a canned ham.  By the time that Steve finished hauling out the boxes of food, my BMW was full from the backseat to the front.  The firemen and I were both amazed.  They, too, were expecting a basket of food and not an entire full-sized car filled to capacity with boxes and cases of food.  Since were was literally a ton of food, I told them to use some of it to make up some more baskets to give away.  They thanked me for helping out, and offered to wash my car for me, since a few of the firemen were washing the Chief's SUV.  They said it was the least they could do.  How could I refuse? 

During the few minutes it took them to wash the car, I stood there thinking about what all I'd accomplished in a couple hours' time this morning, and all of the people who will benefit.  First of all, let me say that I'm not bragging, nor am I patting myself on the back.  I'm saying this to make a point: it occurred to me that what I did this morning was what Christmas is all about.  In the middle of me being stressed out about work and trying to juggle visits and activities and everything else over the next few days, and with stressing over "Do I need to buy something else for Mom or Dad?" it hit me hard.   We should be celebrating the birth of the One who we are supposed to serve by helping and doing for others.  That's what Christmas is about.  

File Under: WTF?

Last night was a rare night that I was home and had nothing planned after work.  After a couple of hours of getting caught up on "All My Children" episodes, I was bored, so I went up the street to our new Rite-Aid super drugstore to pick up a few last minute Christmas things.  I did my shopping and left the store at about 8:30.  Please note the time that I left the store; it will be crucial later in the story.  Also note that the store is about a mile up the street from The Compound. 

I got home and changed into my pajamas and got the laptop and took it into the family room and watched a rerun of "Rudolph" with the 'rents while I checked on some things online.  By now it was about 9:00.  I decided to check on my checking account, just to make sure there was no suspiscious activity after the eBay identity theft drama from a few days ago.  Imagine my surprise when I saw that my debit card purchase at Rite-Aid had already been deducted from my checking account.  It didn't bounce or anything like that - it was just amazing to me that the purchase was taken out of my checking account a half hour after I used the debit card.  I wonder if this is going to be common place in the future?  I've had debit card charges taken out the next day before but never a half hour after I made the purchase.  All I could think of was WTF?

This Day In Music History

Of all the requests made each year to the National Archives for reproductions of photographs and documents, one item has been requested more than any other. That item, more requested than the Bill of Rights or even the Constitution of the United States, is the photograph above of Elvis Presley and Richard M. Nixon shaking hands during The King's visit to the White House.  The infamous meeting took place 36 years ago today in 1970. 

The meeting was initiated by Presley, who wrote Nixon a six-page letter requesting a visit with the President and suggesting that he be made a "Federal Agent-at-Large" in the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs.  Yeah, we all know that prescription drugs are basically what killed Elvis.  Maybe he thought getting a DEA badge would make it all right.  Elvis also wanted to give a Colt pistol to President Nixon. Nixon's top aides at the White House thought it was a bit odd, too.  One of Nixon's aides suggested that Presley might be just the person for Mr. Nixon to speak with, if he was interested in meeting "some bright young people" outside the government. Next to this comment, H. R. Haldeman scrawled in pen "You must be kidding."

While most people would dress up in their finest clothes or at least standard business clothes to meet the President, the King went a bit more casual. He wore tight-fitting dark velvet pants, a white silky shirt with very high collars and open to below his chest, a dark purple velvet cape, a gold medallion, and heavy silver-plated amber-tinted designer sunglasses with "EP" built into the nose bridge.  You can't tell much from the pictures, but Elvis also wore a huge belt and buckle, that resembled a WWF wrestling championship belt. 

 

 

I Feel Violated

I feel violated tonight, faithful readers.  This afternoon, I discovered that I was the victim of identity theft.  I think everything is OK now; at least I'm hoping it is.  It all came down this afternoon at our 2:00 break at work.  I was checking my AOL mail, when I discovered an interesting email in my mailbox.  It was from an eBay member, saying that they would be sending me the $81 they owe me for a hoody jacket that they bought from me on eBay.  Only I didn't have anything for sale on eBay.  I did some quick checking at the My eBay page, and found out there was a total of 58 of these jackets up for bid on eBay that I was allegedly selling. 

The first thing I did besides almost go into cardiac arrest was to change my eBay and Paypal passwords.  Then I emailed eBay and told them what had happened.  I'd like to interject and thank two of my co-workers, GS and ET, for their help and moral support this afternoon.  Now on with the story.  We checked eBay and found out that there were $199 in insertion and other fees that they were going to charge me for all of these items up for bid.  That's when I thought the cardiac arrest was going to occur.  I was swamped at work, and couldn't just not work for the last two hours of the day, so I muddled through somehow.  I will say the rest of the day was a blur, except for my stomach doing flip-flops.  As soon as 4:30 rolled around, I got back online and went to the Live Help chat in eBay to try and get this taken care of quickly.  I've got to give a big shout out to Courtnei at eBay who took care of the ugly mess very quickly.  She was very good, and very professional.  She cancelled the remaining 56 auctions and got rid of the $199 fees, and assured me it was taken care of.  But I was still nerved up.

Nothing like this has ever happened to me, and I've spent all night worrying.  I went back in to eBay a dozen times, trying to see if the evil person that did this could have gotten my checking account information that is tied in with eBay.  Unless they knew the answers to the security questions, there's no way they could have.  At least that's what I'm hoping and praying.  Then I started thinking about how this could have happened.  I'm a big crusader for being cautious about the fake emails from eBay, so I'm 99.99% sure I didn't fall for one of those and sign into my account.  Then I started thinking about the firewall - I don't know if someone hacked into my computer through the firewall or not.  I guess I'll never know.

At work this afternoon, we were talking about why someone would go to such lengths to do this.  It wasn't for financial gain -- I would have been the one getting checks, money orders and payments to my Paypal account for 58 of these expensive hoody jackets, not the hacker.  We guessed it was just how they get off - being evil like that.  I know that what goes around comes around, so I know they'll get theirs.  I just hope they get it soon and get it big. 

Company Christmas Party Review

My company had our annual Christmas party this past Saturday night.  For some, they might think it was politically incorrect, given the fact that we have a Jewish co-worker, but the party is still called a "Christmas Party" instead of "Holiday Party" nonetheless.  Our Jewish co-worker doesn't mind.  In fact, he's been to every company Chirstmas party while he's been there. 

This year, the party was held at Churchill Downs.  No, we didn't get to bet on any horse races, but I ended up having a pretty good time any way.  To be honest, I really didn't want to go but Mom guilted me into going.  I'm glad I did.  The company Christmas party is the only time of the year I get to see my dear friend and one of my most faithful readers, Big Mama. She won't mind me giving a little background info about her.  She works for a subsidiary of ours up in Boonville, IN.  For those of you in the 'Ville and southern Indiana, you'll remember that Boonville was the site of the second David Camm triple murder trial this year.  Other than at the Christmas party, I don't get to see my friend Big Mama unless she makes a trip here on business or vice versa.  And for the record, her moniker isn't really "Big Mama" - it's actually "BLG Mama," but sometimes when she posts comments in TWIT, BLG looks like BIG so she doesn't mind me calling her that.  She's a great lady, and it might be a good thing that she lives two hours away; with our sense of humor and all, I have a feeling we'd be getting into some trouble.  Anyhoo, here's a picture of Big Mama and yours truly, taken at the big holiday bash Saturday night.  Incidentally, I've had a few requests for a picture of me with my new holiday hairdo, so here it is.

I'm A Loser Again

I'm sad to report that I am a loser again.  This week was the first week of the playoffs in our fantasy football league at work, and I'm already out of the running.  Yes, I lost on the first week of the playoffs, but at least I made it to the playoffs to begin with; that's more than two other teams in our league can say.  I'd like to congratulate my friend and co-worker Gibby who beat me this week.  I wish him much luck in the next round of the playoffs.  Fortunately for him, he picks pro football players better than he does the race horses.  Sorry, Gibby - I couldn't resist.

TWIT would also like to congratulate the Tennessee Titans on yet another win this week.  This is the fifth consecutive win for the Titans.  They got off to a slow start, and were 0-5 but have now won seven of their last nine games, putting them at 7-7.  If they can still keep up their momentum and keep on winning, they will have a chance at a wild card spot in the playoffs.  Go Titans.

Link Of The Week

We all make mistakes - some of us more than others, but we all do.  Some are big mistakes and some are noticable only to us.  But the fact is that we all make mistakes.  The positive part of mistakes is that we can learn from them and hopefully not make the same mistake again.  I found a site this week that deals with mistakes.  People can post their mistakes anonymously, there for all of the world wide web to read.  I read the site and have to admit I was pretty surprised - I thought they would be minor mistakes that people posted, but there are some whoppers posted on there. Visit http://www.mistakehallofshame.com and post a mistake and get it off our chest.  I'm going to get the ball rolling and post what I think my biggest mistake I've made so far in my 43+ years: getting a credit card.

File Under: WTF?

I was in a very good mood this morning. I had all kinds of reasons to be happy: yesterday was payday and a vacation day; the 'Rents' holiday bash was a huge success last night; and I have a new, very hip hairdo for my company party tonight.  So I had more than enough reasons for my good mood.  Please note I've used "was" and "had" in past tense.  My mood changed when I read an article in the morning newspaper. The state of Florida has imposed a moratorium on executions.  Our friend Gov. Jeb Bush has suspended all executions in Florida after a medical examiner said that prison officials botched the insertion of the needles when a convicted killer was put to death earlier this week.  Wednesday's execution of Angel Nieves Diaz took 34 minutes - twice as long as usual - and required a rare second dose of lethal chemicals because the needles were inserted clear through his veins and into the flesh in his arms. The chemicals are supposed to go into the veins.   Officials said that after about 24 minutes after the first injection, Diaz was grimacing and blowing and trying to speak, indicating that he was suffering.  I'm sorry but boo-frigging-hoo.  I'm sure he wasn't concerned that the man he murdered suffered before he died. 

Apparently, Governor Bush and others are concerned because they think this might fall under the category of "cruel and unusual punishment."  I'm guessing that they think convicted murders who have received the death penalty should be given an easy, pain-free death as their punishment for murdering someone who probably didn't get to have an easy, pain-free death.   Protesters who want to abolish the death penalty were picketing around the prison where Diaz was put to death, saying that he didn't deserve to die in such an inhumane way.  The man that Diaz murdered didn't deserve to die that way, either.

Pancho and Pedro Update

I've had some inquiries from you, my faithful readers, over the past few months asking about how Pancho and Pedro were doing.  With everything else going on, I'm afraid I've been remiss in posting about them.  They're doing great and are as silly as ever.  It's hard to believe they're 8 years old. 

Their favorite activity is still playing with their orange pylon cones.  They got new halters this fall because they tore their old ones to shreds, and I'm positive that Santa will bring them their favorite snack, animal crackers, on Christmas morning.  Here's a picture of them taken just moments ago.  Believe me when I say that it took about a half hour of maneuvering and fancy footwork to get just one usable shot.  That's Pancho in the front (with the white nose) and Pedro in the back (with the black nose.)

Highlands Clause Is Coming To Town

A few weeks ago, I shared with you the lyrics to a new local Christmas song,"Shively Clause."  If you remember, I mentioned about how the radio station that played the song got into a little hot water when Shively residents called the radio station and complained.  The mayor of Shively even got into the act, and said she was going to start contacting the radio station sponsors. Well, thanks to the Shively people raising such a fuss, the song got even more attention. Well, the writer of "Shively Clause" has created another masterpiece. This time, the song is paying homage to our friends in the Highlands.  You guessed it - the song is called "Highlands Clause."  When I say Highlands, I'm not referring to people in Scotland; I'm talking about the area of town along Bardstown Road and the surrounding area.  It's a very hip place to live, and the area has some of the best restaurants in the city.  There's lots of antique stores in the Highlands, along with other electic shops and stores.  And there are also alot of eclectic and diverse people that live in the Highlands.  It was where I saw my first Mohawk and first Goth person.   I also had my first Amaretto Sour in the Highlands, too, at The Bristol, and I bought my first used record album at Electric Ladyland.  Ah, memories.  But I digress. Here are the lyrics for "Highlands Clause", sung to the tune of "Santa Clause Is Coming To Town:"

Highlands Clause

You better not drive, you better hug trees
Put down the wine and stop eating cheese
Highlands Clause is coming to town

He's not very big, he's organic fed
His outfit's tie-dyed and he never wears red
Highlands Clause is coming to town

He loves a grande latte
He doesn't drive a car
And he won't be mad about this song
Because he listens to NPR

He wears a peace sign, he doesn't own guns
He doesn't bring presents to Republicans
Highlands Clause is coming to town

His elves, they wear Doc Martens
The love the Grateful Dead
The only things they like to eat
Are burritos as big as your head

You better watch out, you better not cry
And don't complain to our managers, this is supposed to be a joke
Highlands Clause is coming to town

Farewell, Peter Boyle

TWIT is sad to report that Peter Boyle has died today.  He was 71 years old, and died from multiple myeloma and heart disease.  Boyle was best known for his role of Frank, Raymond's deadpan, grumpy father on "Everybody Loves Raymond," which aired from 1996 through 2005.  Boyle was repeatedly nominated for an Emmy award for this role, but never won, and was often beat by in the Supporting Actor category by his co-star Brad Garrett.  His other co-stars won at least one Emmy for their performance on the show. 

Peter Boyle had no interest in performing when he was younger, and instead became a monk with the Congregation of the Christian Brothers, an order affiliated with the Catholic Church.  After a few years, monks said that Boyle was too funny for the monestary and he left.  Boyle was a veteran, and served in the Army, but his miltary career was shortened when he suffered a nervous breakdown. 

Boyle won praise for playing both comic and dramatic roles.  His first hit role was as Frankenstein's monster in the Mel Brooks comedy "Young Frankenstein" in 1974.  He went on appear in supporting roles and was more often cast as a character actor rather than a leading man.  In 1990, Boyle suffered a stroke that rendered him speechless for six months, but he made a full recovery.  He also had a heart attack in 1999 on the set of "Everybody Loves Raymond" and quickly regained his health and returned to the series. 

My favorite performance by Peter Boyle was not as Raymond's father, but in a guest star role on one of my favorite shows of all time, "The X-Files." As stated earlier, Boyle never won an Emmy for his role as Raymond's father, but he did win an Emmy in 1996 for Outstanding Guest Actor in a Drama Series for the episode "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose."  Boyle played Clyde Bruckman, an insurance salesman who could predict the future.   He also did appeared in one of the funnier sketches on the first season of "Saturday Night Live" with John Belushi.  The sketch was "Dueling Brandos" and Boyle and Belushi traded lines from Brando movies. 

You will be missed, Peter Boyle.  Everytime I hear someone say "holy crap" I'll think of you. 

Good News

Just a few days ago, I was telling you, faithful readers, about how I was such a loser in our fantasy football league at work.  Well, I have some good news this evening.  I'm still a loser, but not as big of a loser as I thought I was.  You see, there was a 3-way tie for last place in our league, and the top 8 teams would be going to the playoffs.  That meant one of the bottom three teams would make it and the other two they were tied with touldn't.  To make things fair, the league organizer took a poll and asked the league members to vote on whether or not the team with the most points this week (bottom three only) could be in the play-offs.  The team owners voted and said yes, so now yours truly is going to the playoffs.  I just hope I can keep up the momentum I've built up over the past few weeks.  I'll keep you posted. And by the way, in case anyone is wondering, I named my team the TWITs. 

Merry Christmas, ACLU

It's no big secret - there's no love lost between us Christians and the ACLU.  Every year at Christmas, we hear of countless stories of law suits and grumblings from the ACLU wanting to get rid of a nativity scene on a town square or to try and make an elementary school turn their Christmas party into a "Holiday" party.  They have nothing better to do than to meddle. I think they live just to make our blood boil.  But Christmas is the time for giving, and forgiving, so I'm willing to put my feelings aside and do something nice.  So please join me this Christmas in sending a Christmas card to the ACLU towish them a very merry Christmas.  I know they will appreciate it.  When you send a card, please make it one that has "Christmas" on it at least a couple of times.  Here's the address:

ACLU
125 Broad Street
18th Floor
New York, NY  10004

Link Of The Week

I'm sure that at sometime in your life, you've pondered the vastness of the world and mayb wondered "If I dig a hole in my back yard through the earth, where I end up?"  Oh come on - I'm sure you've thought of it before; you probably even tried it as a kid and like me, gave up after digging about two feet.  Thanks to satellites and other modern technology, we can now find out precisely where we would end up if we dug a hole.  Go to http://map.pequenopolis.com/index.php?lang=en and you can finally find out.  If your geography is anything like mine, you can click on the scale at the left and zoom in to where you want to start digging you hole, and then it will show you where you would end up.  I'm sure glad I gave up digging my hole after digging only two feet - if you dig a hole in The 'Ville and keep on digging, you'll end up out in the Indian Ocean, about halfway between Australia and Madagascar.  Happy digging!

There's Nothing Worse Than Tainted Scallions

Unfortunately, this week brought us news of yet another E. coli outbreak.  This latest outbreak affects me alot more than the E. coli spinach outbreak a few months ago; this outbreak has been traced green onions at Taco Bell.  So far, there are 62 confirmed cases of E. coli, with the majority in New York, New Jersey, Deleware and Pennsylvaina.  But as a precaution Taco Bell has removed green onions from all of their 5,800 restaurants across the country. The CDC expects the outbreak to spread, as South Carolina and Utah have each reported one case.

As I said, this affects me alot more than the spinach outbreak from a few months ago because I love Taco Bell and I hate spinach.  If my memory is correct, the only items from Taco Bell that has green onions are two of my favorite items on their menu - Nachos Bell Grande and their Mexican Pizza.  I took it pretty hard when Taco Bell stopped putting black olives on the Mexican Pizza a few years ag; it made it pretty bland.  But now it won't even have green onions on it - they might as well just pull it from the menu.

I'm Officially A Loser

I'm sad to report that my participation in our company fantasy football league is now over.  I'm still a loser; my season ended this past Monday night with a 3-10 record.  On a positive note, I finally gained momentum, albeit a little too late, and won 3 out of my last 4 games.  I owe my three wins to the talents of quarterbacks Vince Young and Steve McNair.  If it hadn't been for them, I probably would have an 0-13 record.  There is a slight bit of consolation - I wasn't exactly in last place; there was a three-way tie for last. 

I looked back at all of the 13 weeks' scores, and I saw an interesting pattern that had developed in my 10 losses: either I got beat by 120 points or it was a squeaker loss of a few points.  There was no middle ground - it was either all or nothing.  I guess that's how it goes in football.  But I'm not bitter about being a loser.  It's always fun and I'm happy to be the only chick in our fantasy football league.  I wish our league's Elite Eight good luck in the playoffs.  Just remember - you won't have The TWITs to push around.

A Day That Will Go Down In Infamy

By the time I reached my desk this morning, I had made it to work with about a minute to spare.  It wasn't because I was running late; it was because I sat out in my car in the parking lot thinking about this day in history.  It was 7:55 when I pulled into my parking space - the same time that the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor happened 65 years ago today.  Almost 500 survivors of the Pearl Harbor attack gathered this morning at the U.S.S. Arizona Memorial in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii to honor the over 2,400 Americans killed during the attack.  Almost half of the Americans killed that day - 1,177 to be exact - were crew members of the battleship the U.S.S. Arizona.  In the attack, a 1,700-pound bomb plunged through the ship's deck, detonating in an ammunition compartment.  The explosion caused the massive ship to sink in less than ten minutes.  The battleship -- three times the size of the Statue of Liberty -- settled to the bottom of the harbor in 34 feet of water, where it rests today. 

I had the honor of visiting the U.S.S. Arizona Memorial back in 1984, when Mom and I were in Honolulu.  I can honestly say I've never been to a monument or memorial, or any place in this country that made me feel more emotional than the Arizona Memorial did.  On the boat ride from the shore to the monument, you can see part of the battleship sticking out of the water, along with parts of other ships that sank that day.  Along with the parts of the ships, you can also see an eerie trail of oil still seeping from the ship; as if the ship were still bleeding from the attack.  The leaks come from over half a million gallons of thick, bunker C fuel oil that remains trapped in the deteriorating ship. The day before the attack, the Arizona took on 1.2 million gallons of the fuel oil at its berth in Pearl Harbor.  The ship was scheduled to make a Christmas trip back to the west coast the next weekend.  Even though the ship has been submerged for six decades, the oil still continues to seep, as if the ship were bleeding. 

More Observations From The Mall

Way back in the day when malls first opened, there was nothing down the center of the mall except the walk way and an occasional bench or some chairs for shoppers to stop and rest.  Now, you can't walk through a mall without bumping into a kiosk or booth selling something.  The most popular kiosks right now are the dead sea salt cosmetics sold by high pressure sales persons.  Very high pressure.  But since we've touched on that in TWIT previously, we won't get into it again.  Other very popular kiosks and booths sell personalized things - ornaments, hats, jewelry, clothing, etc.  At this time of year, personalized sweatshirts are the rage, especially at the mall.  I saw something very intriguing at a sweatshirt booth last night while at the mall.  The booth sold fairly high quality gray sweatshirts with personalization, such as "Grandma is very special" or "Dad is very special".  You get the picture.  One such sweatshirt really stood out from among the others at this booth - it said "Abuela is very special."  I did not have a clue who or what "Abuela" was.  Neither did the 'rents or some old friends that we had run into and were chatting with beside the sweatshirt booth. They told me to give them a call when I found out what it meant. 

As soon as I got home, I got online and looked it up.  "Abuela" is the Spanish name for grandmother.  Well duh - now it makes perfect sense.  But shouldn't the entire phrase on the sweatshirt have been in Spanish, instead of just "Abuela"?  It seems to me that it should have been "Abuela especial" instead of a bilingual phrase on the sweatshirt.  If Abuela doesn't speak or read English, then she's not going to know she's special. 

Observations From The Mall

I used a vacation day today to take care of some business and to take the 'rents out to the mall for our annual Christmas shopping trip. We just got back about an hour ago and we're all three so tired we're lifeless.  I haven't heard a peep from any of us since we got home and collapsed in our respective easy chairs.  It was a fun, family-bonding shopping trip.  Collectively, we're about 75% finished with our holiday shopping. Which is a record for my portion of the shopping.   There was no drama, which is rare for a trip to the mall during Christmas, but I do have a few observations from our trip to the mall.

First of all, let me give some advice to tired shoppers like me:  if you are going to buy a large, bulky gift for someone, park by the store where you plan to purchase said large, bulky gift - not at the exact opposite end of the mall.  Take this evening's trip to the mall, for example.  We parked in our favorite spot by the main entrance to J.C. Penney's, at one end of the mall.  We always park there regardless of where we need to go in the mall; it's a tradition.  We purchased the large, bulky gift at Sears, on the far, far, opposite end of the mall.  Believe me when I tell you it was not one of my more well-thought out plans.  Dad was still in the bookstore looking around, and Mom was in the check-out line in another store, so I was lugging the large, bulky gift by myself through Sears and through the full length of the mall out to the Odyessy.  It wasn't that it was that heavy; it was just large, bulky and awkward.  Never again.  Did I mention that this occurred after I'd already made two trips out to the Odyessy to drop off bags full of gifts?

Another observation made me almost as tired as lugging the large, bulky gift out to the van.  As we were walking to the food court, we saw a brave young mother with her children.  I say she was brave because she was pushing twins in a stroller while herding along four other little kids.  Yes, that's six kids all totalled.  Now you see why I called her brave.  I realize that some of those kids could not have been hers, but they all looked alike so I'm guessing they were all hers.  The 'rents and I were almost frozen in awe of her; we didn't know whether to go up to her and ask if we could shake her hand or tell her we would be praying for her. 

Medical Question Monday

For the past couple of weeks at work, one of our current events topics has been the virus outbreaks on cruise ships.  It seems like almost every week we hear about a cruise ship where hundreds of their passengers get the the Norwolk virus. I asked our resident travel expert, Diva Stacy, and did some extensive research on the Norwolk virus, and here's what we found:

The virus is in a strain of the Noroviruses, and is often called Norwalk Virus, named after the original strain which caused an outbreak of gastroenteritis in a school in Norwalk, Ohio in 1968.  The virus is spread through food and water or contact with infected people. A cruise, where hundreds of passengers and crew mingle in close quarters, can provide ideal conditions for a virus to spread. Though not life-threatening, the bug can cause nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea for one to three days.  With the media today, we're quick to hear about a cruise line having one of it ship's in dry dock because three or four hundred passengers have gotten the Norwalk virus.  But when you look at the whole picture, it's not quite that alarming, given the fact that the outbreaks have affected fewer than 1 percent of all cruise passengers.

Here's Diva Stacy's professional and personal thoughs on the Norwalk virus:  The Norwalk stomach virus thing is big on the cruise ships because you have a very large group of people quarantined into one isolated area for a week or longer.  People get sick, touch the door knobs, hand rails in the halls, etc and other people come behind them and pick it up.  When we took our Disney cruise, hen we were leaving the registration area and walking the hallway to the gang plank of the Disney Ship, there were workers stopping everyone and asking them to take a handwipe and sanitize their hands.  This, in an attempt to keep disease from making it to the ship in the first place.  Also, thereis now hand sanitizer at the entrance to every restaurant on board and kids who participate in the Kids Club must sanitize their hands before entering and on the way out.  On Disney, they also wipe down the handrails in the halls every day with disinfectant.  It's not related to contaminated food or anything like that, just people passing it around and not being able to get away from it. 

Link Of The Week

Whether we are man or woman enough to admit, we all like to talk about ourselves, or to have someone ask us about ourselves.  It's just part of human nature.  Through out our daily conversations, we're usually able to throw in something like "I went to X restaurant last night and the service was excellent" or "I watched Y movie last night and it sucked" and people that we're talking with will usually ask us why we liked or didn't like whatever we're talking about.  I'm no different.  Only I take it a few OCD steps further - I'm a big lister.  I love making lists.  If someone were to ask me "Puddin, what's your favorite restaurant here in The 'Ville?", instead of saying my absolute favorite, I'm prone to giving them my top five.  It's just part of my human nature - I've been a big lister since I was a little kid. 

I found an awesome site this week that I wish I could take credit for developing - it's Fivelist.  It's basically a site where you can sign up and you can post your top five list of anything you want - movies, foods, things that really piss you off, etc etc etc.  The possibilities are limitless.  Just visit http://www.fivelist.com and sign up and you, too, can post your top five of anything.  And I know that "That's What I'm Thinking" is going to be at the #1 spot on everyone's Top Five Blogs. 

Shively Clause Is Coming To Town

A local radio station got in big trouble this week when they played a Christmas song titled "Shively Clause." In case you're reading this and don't live here in The 'Ville, Shively is a part of town just to the north of the area where I live, Pleasure Ridge Park. For years, Shively, PRP, and Valley Station (to the south of PRP) have been the brunt end of many jokes, mainly about rednecks, white trash, and morons.  I know that neither me nor my family do not fall in any of those three categories, so I just laugh along when someone tells a Shively, PRP or Valley Station joke.  But this week, some residents of Shively weren't laughing when a radio station played a song about "Shively Clause."  I'm sure that the songwriter and performer had no malicious intent; it was just entertainment.  I thought the song was a scream.  I friend called me on my way to work the other morning and told me to tune in that radio station because they were getting ready to play it.  I was laughing so hard I thought I would have to pull over; not from the song itself, but from the calls that came in from pissed off Shively residents.  And for the redord, I would have still laughed if the song had had been "PRP Clause."  Here's the lyrics to the song, sung to the tune of "Santa Clause Is Coming To Town":

Shively Clause Is Coming To Town

Oh you better lock up, you better play dead
Santa's not coming, so this year instead
Shively Clause is coming to town

His mullet is long, his Marlboro is red
He doesn't leave presants, he takes them instead
Shively Clause is coming to town

His reindeer look like Pit Bulls
His sleigh has spinning rims
His prison tatts say "I Love Mom"
And his t-shirt smells like gin

He's not a bad guy, his nose is bright red
His cheeks are all rosey, he's probably inbred
Shively Clause is coming to town

 

December Came In Like A Lion

For those of you faithful readers that don't live in or around The 'Ville, let me give you a quick synopsis of our weather this past week: low 70's and sunny.  It was typical April or May weather instead of the end of November. I know that I've talked alot about the weather in TWIT lately, but it just amazes me and compels me to write about it.  Wednesday, we had a record high of 73 degrees, then the massive cold front moved through last night.  And boy did it move through.  The 'rents and were awake at 3:00 to the sound of 40+ mile per hour winds and rain hitting the house.  The storm came from the west, and unfortunately for me, my bedroom faces the west.  From 3:00 on it sounded like a freight train was going to come through the wall at any minute.  We all three got up as soon as the winds started and turned on the TV to see if we were under a tornado warning or anything.  Much to our surprise, the weatherazzi must have taken the night off because all we saw were infomercials. 

It was still dark so we couldn't see anything outside, but we were sure that all of the outside Christmas decorations and lights would end up out in Oldham Country by the time the storm moved through.  We're surprised and happy to report that we didn't lose one thing - not even one ornament from my tree on the back porch was out of place.  The good Lord was watching over The Compound once again.

As I mentioned, the cold front moved through and brought with it frigid temperatures.  It was the same front that dumped almost a foot of snow from Washington to Illinois.  We were sure lucky.  I guess The Old Man will have to wait a bit longer to use his snow blower.

Get Well Soon, Hot Rod

I'm sad to report that World Wrestling Federation Hall of Famer “Rowdy” Roddy Piper has been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Also known as Hodgkin’s disease, Hodgkin’s lymphoma is a form of cancer found in the body’s lymphatic tissue. The lymphatic system helps filter out bacteria and is important in fighting diseases. Piper was sent home early from an early-November wrestling tour of the United Kingdom and had emergency surgery, where doctors removed a mass at the spinal cord with an enlarged lymph node. The mass was completely removed, but the lymph node tested positive for Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Piper said that he will begin treatment immediately, and that he is determined to win this match.  Rowdy Roddy Piper is best known for his trademark red plaid kilt that he always wears into the wrestling ring.

In old school professional wrestling back in the day, Rowdy Roddy Piper was one of the best.  I remember going downtown to Louisville Gardens and watching Rowdy Roddy Piper in a tag team match with Paul "Mr. Wonderful" Orndorff as his partner.  Yes, I attended an actual live wrestling match.  Actually, I went to three of them.  They were also one of the main attractions at the very first Wrestlemania back in the mid 80's.  I really wouldn't classify Roddy Piper as a villain, though he was definitely one of the wrestlers everyone loved to hate.  And he's still as popular today.  In fact, he was on a wrestling tour in Europe when he doctors disovered his lymphoma.  He was wrestling guys probably half his age, and was winning.  He definitely paved the way for the likes of Stone Cold and The Undertaker and all of the other bad-guy wrestlers.

In a statement posted on his website, Rowdy Roddy said "It seems like I have been fighting someone, something, someplace, in some manner, my whole life. But this fight, is one I am gonna win!” You've got alot of tag team partners behind you on this one, Hot Rod.  We know you'll win. 

Science Experiment Wednesday

A co-worker told me something very interesting this morning at work - he told me about an accidental science experiment that he conducted this morning.   He ate a carton of yogurt this morning a few minutes after he got up and brushed his teeth.  He said that the minty fresh toothpaste flavor still in his mouth, combined with the yogurt, made the yogurt taste like sour cream.  He said he was hungry so he continued to eat the yogurt, thinking it would eventually taste like yogurt instead of sour cream, but unfortunately for his taste buds it never did.  He shared this scientific information with me, knowing I would be intrigued and would want to share it with you, my faithful readers.  Of course he was right.

Not that I doubted my co-workers scientific findings, I felt I had to try this experiment myself to make sure I got the same scientific reaction.  So an hour ago, I brushed my teeth, waited five minutes, and then ate a carton of Blue Bunny blueberry yogurt.  Yep, you guessed it - the yogurt tasted like I had a mouth full of sour cream.  Minty sour cream, to be exact.  I thought it would gross me out, but it didn't.  I continued to eat the blueberry yogurt, thinking that it might suddenly change and taste like blueberry yogurt, but it never did. 

I'm not sure if the combination of toothpaste and yogurt produces some type of chemical reaction or what; I'll research it tomorrow and see if I can find any similar experiments on the internet. In the meanwhile, TWIT doesn't recommend eating yogurt right after you've brushed your teeth. 

Take A Look At The New CPI

As I mentioned yesterday, with temperatures in the 70's, it's hard to believe that Christmas is less than a month away.  With Christmas fast approaching, it's time once again to look at the 2006 CPI - Christmas Price Index.  Every year, good folks at PNC Bank analyze and calculate how much all of the items listed in "The Twelve Days Of Christmas" would cost.  There were substantial increases this year in the price of a pear tree and four calling birds, but when averaged out, the overall increase is roughly even with the cost of living increase that Social Security recipients will receive.  And the Christmas Price Index is almost identical to the actual CPI - the Consumer Price Index. I hope people will still be able to afford those eight maids a-milking.

PNC Christmas Price Index
Item	2005	2006	% change
One partridge	$15	$15	flat
Pear tree	$89.99	$129.99	44.40%
Two turtle doves	$40	$40	flat
Three French hens	$45	$45	flat
Four calling birds	$399.96	$479.96	20.00%
Five gold rings	$325	$325	flat
Six geese a-laying	$300	$300	flat
Seven swans a-swimming	$4,200	$4,200	flat
Eight maids a-milking	$41.20	$41.20	flat
Nine ladies dancing	$4,576.14	$4,759.19	4.00%
10 lords a-leaping	$4,039.08	$4,160.25	3.00%
11 pipers piping	$2,053.20	$2,124	3.40%
12 drummers drumming	$2,224.30	$2,301	3.40%
Total Christmas Price Index	$18,348.87	$18,920.59	3.10%

                                                                       

 

Let's Talk About The Weather

The local joke here in the 'Ville is "If you don't like the weather, just stick around because it will change tomorrow."  That describes the Ohio Valley weather to a tee.  Another joke is that only in the Ohio Valley will you have the air conditioner and the furnace on in the same week.  Once again, that describes the weather here.  This past Thanksgiving weekend was the perfect example.  On Saturday and Sunday, the high was in the low 70's.  The highs are supposed to be in the upper 60's until mid-week, and then Thursday they're calling for highs of the 30's with lows in the teens.  Yes, teens.  We'll truly go from having the air on to having the furnace on in the same week. Not only will our systems have to deal with the temperature changes, those of us that have arthritis will have to deal with our tired old joints aching when the cold front moves through Wednesday night.

While we've all enjoyed the spring-like weather for the past week, it's been very strange wearing short sleeves while putting up the outside Christmas decorations.  It's odd, but we can usually count on one or two days in late November with the temperatures in the 60's, and most people take advantage of the nice weather to get the yard and outside of the house decorated.  I'm the first to admit that it feels weird to see your Christmas lights on when it feels like spring.  As I was driving home tonight, I had the moon roof open and the breeze was filling the car as I was driving by houses that were decorated like the Las Vegas strip, and it just felt weird.  I wonder if this is how people in Florida or California or Hawaii feel at Christmas.

Link Of The Week

They say that everybody has a twin - someone else out there that looks just like you.  I can report that I saw my twin back in the late 80's - I worked with her at a previous place of employment, and she looked so much like me that alot of our co-workers would call her by my name.  What a lucky girl she was, to be mistaken for Puddin.

There are almost three billion people in the United States, so with that many people, it's not I guess it's not that uncommon to find someone with the same name as you.  I found a site that will give you such information.  You enter your first and last name, and the site will tell you how many people in the U.S. have the same first, last and full name as you.  Go to http://www.howmanyofme.com and find out how many people have the same name as you.  Now that's what I call a pretty darned good database.

Attention Faithful Readers In Ohio

47,000 Pounds of Turkey and Ham Recalled

WASHINGTON (Nov. 24) - An Ohio-based company is recalling 46,941 pounds of turkey and ham products that officials fear could cause listeriosis, a potentially fatal disease, the U.S. Department of Agriculture said on Friday. (Like they couldn't have told us this BEFORE people ate turkey and ham on Thursday?)

HoneyBaked Foods Inc. is voluntarily recalling the meat, which includes cooked, glazed and sliced ham and turkey, USDA said in a statement.

The meat, which was produced between September 5 and November 13, may be contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes, which can bring about high fever, headaches, neck stiffness and nausea, USDA said.  Healthy individuals are not usually susceptible to the illness, but it can cause infections to infants, the elderly, or people with HIV or cancer. It can also cause miscarriages.

The meat was sold at the company's retail stores and kiosks around Toledo, Ohio, and to customers across the country over the Internet and through the company's catalog.

USDA said it considered the situation a high risk to human health, but it has not received any reports so far of illness related to the meat products.  The company has set up an 800-number for customer inquiries. For more information, call 800-461-3998.

I know that the FDA and other government agencies deserve a day off this week for Thanksgiving, but, like they couldn't have discovered this BEFORE Thanksgiving????

File Under: Isn't It Ironic?

I'm not even going to venture a guess as to how many millions of dollars was spent today during the Black Friday shopping frenzy.  It would probably scare us all.  I will guess, though, that the majority of the money spent today was by parents for gifts for their children.  That's why they started lining up last night shortly after they finished their Thanksgiving dinners, wanting to be first in line at the electronics stores and department stores this morning so they could get the latest greatest toys and gadgets that are on their children's Christmas lists. I have no Black Friday shopping experience to tell - the only shopping I did was a quick trip to the drugstore.  But I did experience something on Black Friday that I won't soon forget:  I was able to witness two little children playing and using their imaginations to have fun.

When our neighbors' grandkids Sam and Sophie visit their grandparents, they usually end up down at The Compound playing.  For me, it's a case of history repeating itself.  For you see, when I was their age, I would go up to visit the family that lived in the house where their grandparents now live, and I would stay up there for hours playing.  Sam, the oldest grandchild, loves to come down and wear Dad's old beat up straw gardening hat and old leather holster.  In the holster, is an old six shooter that is nothing more than an old pellet revolver with half of the pieces missing.  But when Sam straps on his holster and puts in his hat, he's a cowboy.  He's using his imagination and playing and interacting with people instead of sitting in front of a video game in a catatonic state.

Sam's little sister Sophie is the same way.  She comes down to our house to play with some of my old dolls.  She'll line them up on the couch or out on the bench on the back porch, and will talk to the dolls and play for hours.  She's not the least bit concerned with having the latest Barbie doll or Barbie car or whatever it is that little girls want for Christmas these days.  All she cares about is having me or Mom play baby dolls with her. She, too, is using her imagination and interacting with people.

It's just ironic to me that on a day when parents are fighting and shoving in the stores to get a toy that they think their kids just have to have, I was able to see once again what it really means to be a kid.  I don't want this to sound like Sam and Sophie are poor little kids with no toys or games; that's far from the truth.  They have just about everything that most little kids have.  But I guess the really ironic part was how on a day when people are spending millions of dollars on toys, these two kids were playing with old hand-me-down things and were using their imaginations instead of $500 video games.

Happy Thanksgiving

Just a note to let you know we are hoping to see you Thanksgiving Day, but . . . .  Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.  I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised.  Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:

Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the neighbor kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork.  Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised.  Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming.  If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast.  In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method.  We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement.  When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner.  For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony.  I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed.  It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play.  Nor is it a request to bean someone in the head with warm tasty bread.

Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints.  You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.

I hope you aren't too disappointed that Martha Stewart  will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.  She probably won't come next year either.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!

File Under: WTF?

Obsessive Shopping: A Disease?

Following a new study published in this months American Journal of Psychiatry, The American Psychiatric Association is considering whether to add obsessive shopping to the DSM as a classifiable medical disorder. According to the study, more than 10 million Americans may be afflicted, including people like Lucille Schneck.

"Lucille Schenk bought $20,000 worth of jewelry a year ago, plunging herself into debt and despair. She knew something was wrong but couldn't help herself.  When Schenk finally sought help, psychologist April Lane Benson advised her to have a "conversation" with the jewelry before she made a purchase, as a way to put distance between herself and her compulsion.

"I would say, `You are so beautiful, I can't live without you; I love the way you sparkle,"' recalled Schenk, 62, who lives in Ohio. "The jewelry would say back, `You need me. You look pretty when you wear me.' I would say, `I do need you. I can't possibly think of being without you. But something has to change. I need to stop this. I can't afford a penny more."'

Lucille is now seeking treatment for schizophrenia.

I really don't know what to say about this.  All I can say to Lucille is to keep your ass at home Friday morning and stay as far away from the Black Friday buying frenzy as you can. 

No Thanks, I'm Still Not Thirsty

Our friends at Jones Soda have done it again - just in time for the holidays, Jones Soda has introduced a new flavor:  green pea.  It makes sense to me - Jones already has turkey and gravy, dinner roll, sweet potato and antacid flavored sodas, so it seems fitting that they would add a vegetable flavored soda to round out the holiday meal experience. These five odd sodas are available for a limited time only in a special holiday pack, priced at $15.95.  That comes to about three bucks per bottle of soda - a bit pricey for my pocketbook.   At $3 a bottle, there'd better be something else in there besides vegetable flavoring.  But Jones Soda is doing their part once again to help the community, and they are donating a portion of every holiday pack sold to Toys For Tots and St. Jude's Children's Hospital. 

A few flavors from last holiday season didn't make it back this year - the broccoli casserole, corn on the cob and brussel sprout flavored sodas weren't popular enough to make it as part of this year's holiday pack.  I honestly cannot imagine what these holiday flavored sodas could taste like.  I did some quick research at the Jones Soda website and read that their holiday pack sodas are completely vegetarian, certified kosher, and contain zero caffeine, calories, and carbs.  This would have come in very handy last year, when I had a double root canal the week before Christmas.  I would have been able to drink my Christmas dinner instead of attempting to chew it. 
 

Not Another Starbucks

An exciting thing happened in our 'hood a couple of months ago; I can't believe I was so remiss and didn't report it as soon as it happened:  we got a Starbucks.  Yep, a Starbucks opened up in Pleasure Ridge Park.  I know - it's hard for us to believe, too.  But it's true.  The Starbucks in the Dixie Manor Shopping Center is part of Starbucks' master plan of having 40,000 stores worldwide.  I did some research and found that Starbucks adds six stores a day on average.  And the majority of their new stores are within a few minutes of existing stores.  The saturation is part of the company's plan - they say that one main complaint they hear from customers is that Starbucks isn't convenient enough.  They say their customers don't want to go too far out of their way to get a latte or Frappucino.  Their researchers also say that would-be customers don't end up buying a Starbucks drink because the line is too long.  So their solution is to open another store nearby. 

That's all well and good,  but I really don't think another Starbucks in PRP would go over.  I'm still shocked that they opened up even one store in our part of town.  It's not that we don't deserve a nice coffee shop like Starbucks - it's just that it's not a big priority in our neighborhood.  Two coffee shops in our neighborhood were open only a few months before closing - and one of them was in the exact spot where our Starbucks is.  We just really don't want a coffee shop; what we really want an Olive Garden.  The rumor of an Olive Garden has been going around for years.  Everytime we see ground being cleared or a building going up, we all get excited at the thought that it might be an Olive Garden.  But no luck.  We're also getting a new Wal-Mart about 3 minutes from The Compound, but we're really not even thrilled about that.  We still want an Olive Garden.  Or how about two of them?  We don't want to have to go too far out of our way for Chicken Marsala. 

Link Of The Week

As I mentioned yesterday, today is the official celebration of the merger of our old church, Fourth Avenue Baptist, with Walnut Street Baptist.  I know most people get the Sunday paper, if for nothing else, just for the coupons and sale papers. So if you've had a chance to read the Sunday Courious Journal, chances are you've read about the merger on the front page of the Metro Section.  I didn't know it was that newsworthy to merit the front page of the Metro section. In case you don't get the paper copy of the Courier Journal, here's a link to the article:  http://www.courier-journal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061119/NEWS01/611190500.