Have It Your Way

By now, I'm sure you've seen the commercial for Burger King's Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch sandwich.  I can't decide if I think it's hilarious or if it freaks me out.  I think the commercial should fall under the "WTF?" category.  The first time I saw the commercial I thought "That can't be Darius Rucker dressed up like Cowboy Carl from Pee Wee's Playhouse?"  After looking on the internet, I found out it was in deed the lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish.  I guess times are hard and he needed some quick cash.

Some bloggers have compared the commercial to "The Wizard of Oz", mainly because the commercial begins in black and white and then goes to full color.  There's also a yellow brick road in the commercial, but this time it's built from blocks of cheese.  If you ask me, I'd compare it to Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit" - whoever wrote the commercial had to be on one far out trip. How could you come up with a line like "Dallas cheerleaders give you shaves" if you weren't on LSD?  The song is full of sexual innuendo, and there's quite a bit of action on the screen as Darius Rucker is singing in his fringed cowboy outfit while a chicken is spanking somebody on the ass.  I'm really surprised that Dr. James Dobson's "Focus on the Family" hasn't protested and asked that it be taken off the air, with as much fuss as he made about the "We Are Family" video.

The commercial is full of cameo appearances - not only do we have the lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish starring in this production, we also have the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, Brooke Burke, and Burger King himself.  Maybe it's not so freaky after all. 

Here's the words to the song in the commercial, in case you want to sing along:

When my belly starts a-rumblin’
And I’m jonesin’ for a treat
I close my eyes for a big surprise
The Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

I love the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch
The breasts they grow on trees
And streams of bacon ranch dressing
Flow right up to your knees

There’s tumbleweeds of bacon
And cheddar paves the streets
Folks don’t diss you ‘cause you got the juice
There’s a train of ladies comin’ with a nice caboose
Never get in trouble, never need an excuse
The Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

I love the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch
No one tells you to behave
Your wildest fantasies come true
Dallas cheerleaders give you shaves
Red onions make you laugh instead
And french fries grow like weeds
You get to veg all day
All the lotto tickets pay
There’s a king who wants you to have it your way
That’s the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

I know - it doesn't make any more sense when you have the words there in front of you.