The $1000 T-Shirt

I needed to get out of the house tonight and clear my head, so after supper I took a ride across the river to the Glory of Rome.  I only took in $20 with me, so I wasn't planning on doing a lot of gambling.  As I was walking in from the parking lot, I passed by people that were leaving the boat, and a lot of them were carrying white Caesar's t-shirts.  When I got to the pavilion, I saw more people carrying the shirts.  Maybe I'll get one, too, I thought.  Wrong.  I quickly found out that the plain white t-shirts were for the Diamond and Platinum players card people; not for the lowly Gold card players like me. Back in the day before they switched to the Total Rewards player's card, you could actually had a chance at cashing in your comp points for cool merchandise.  Over the past few years, I have a very cool tote bag, a leather checkbook cover, windbreaker jacket and a game set.  But when Total Rewards came along a year or two ago, they made it almost impossible for small time players like me to accumulate comp points.  At the rate I go over there and with the few dollars I spend in the machines, I'll never be a Diamond card holder. 

Before walking on to the boat, I took the opportunity to stop and gawk for a few minutes.  The doors to the VIP room were wide open, and I could see the high rollers in there clammoring for their free t-shirts and eating free snacks and drinks.  I shook my head in disbelief as I stood there watching the people. I'd say the majority of the high rollers in there all looked as if they couldn't have afforded the gas to get them there, much less drop a grand or more each time they come to the casino boat.   As soon as I got home, I got online and did some research.  In order to get a Diamond card, you have to drop about a grand each time you go.  Yep, a grand.  And to achieve Platinum status, you have to drop even more than that.  And I'm not talking about a one-time thing, where you go and spend $1000 or more and boom, you're suddenly a Diamond or Platinum card player.  This is on a regular, frequent basis. 

I walked on over to the boat, amazed at what I saw - dozens and dozens of people who look like they didn't have a pot to piss in, carrying t-shirts that literally cost them thousands of dollars.  I hate to say this, but I kinda figured out how come the WT that I saw could afford to spend that kind of money there at the boat -- they sure aren't spending it on their oral hygiene, their hair, or their clothes.  I'm sorry, but I'll continue visiting the dentist on a regular basis and when the time comes, I'll fork over for a nice set of dentures instead of spending it on a slot machine.

Link Of The Week

As you know, I love Las Vegas, having visited there three times in the past three years.  And since I love Las Vegas so much, I try to keep up with the goings and comings in the city - mainly the old hotels and casinos that are imploded to make way for a new bigger hotel.  One of the most recent implosions was the Stardust, which was just imploded last month.  If you're fascinated by implosions like me, take a look at http://www.implosionworld.com and you can find out about all kinds of implosions.  They have awesome video footage and great links as well.  Click on their link to "Recent Projects and you can see some badass video footage of some bridges being imploded.  I have to say I'm very impressed by this site, and I will definitly add it to my Favorites.

Way To Go, Venus

Armed Miss America 1944 stops intruder

The Associated Press

Miss America 1944 has a talent that likely has never appeared on a beauty pageant stage: She fired a handgun to shoot out a vehicle's tires and stop an intruder. Venus Ramey, 82, confronted a man on her farm in south-central Kentucky last week after she saw her dog run into a storage building where thieves had previously made off with old farm equipment.

Ramey said the man told her he would leave. "I said, 'Oh, no you won't,' and I shot their tires so they couldn't leave," Ramey said.

She had to balance on her walker as she pulled out a snub-nosed .38-caliber handgun.

"I didn't even think twice. I just went and did it," she said. "If they'd even dared come close to me, they'd be 6 feet under by now."

Ramey then flagged down a passing motorist, who called 911.

Curtis Parrish of Ohio was charged with misdemeanor trespassing, Deputy Dan Gilliam said. The man's hometown wasn't immediately available. Three other people were questioned but were not arrested.

After winning the pageant with her singing, dancing and comedic talents, Ramey sold war bonds and her picture was adorned on a B-17 that made missions over Germany in World War II, according to the Miss America Web site.

Ramey lived in Cincinnati for several years and was instrumental in helping rejuvenate Over-the-Rhine historic buildings. She returned to Kentucky in 1990 to live on her farm.

"I'm trying to live a quiet, peaceful life and stay out of trouble, and all it is, is one thing after another," she said.

We hear alot lately about people wanting to take away the eldery's drivers licenses.  I'd dare someone try to take away Venus Ramey's license.  She had good enough eyesight and aim to shoot out the tires on a vehicle - I'd say her eyesight is better than most of ours.  

In a day when usually all we hear is scandal with beauty paegent contestants, it does my heart good to read an article like this.  The 1944 Miss America Venus Ramey is definitely a woman that the young girls of today can look up to.  I know I look up to her.  I admire any woman that is woman enough to pack - I admire them even more if they're over eighty years old. 

Flashback Friday

I'm proud to introduce a new recurring feature in TWIT - a little something called Flashback Friday.  Each Friday, I'll discuss something from back in the day - a game, toy, song, TV show, food, clothing, fad, etc.  It could be anything.  I got the ball rolling the other week with a look back at the Saturday morning TV show "Lancelot Link."  Today, let's look at the Pocket Fisherman.

The Popeil Pocket Fisherman was brought to us by the good folks at Ronco - the same ones that brought us Mr. Microphone and the Veg-O-Matic.  The Pocket Fisherman was introduced in the late 60s, and became Ronco's best selling item, with almost 40 million sold in the 70s.  Ronco said it best in their TV commercials: "The biggest fishing invention since the hook."  Well, not really, but it sounded good on TV. 

The gadget looked oh so easy to use - just unfold it and it's ready to catch fish.  But even as a young child, I was skeptical of the Pocket Fisherman.  It looked like it would break in two if you tried to reel in a fish.  But that didn't stop me from wanting one.  I remember begging my family to buy me one, but Dad and Grandpa would have no part of it.  Time and again they would tell me "You have a real Zebco rod and reel - you don't need a toy one." And yet I still wanted the Pocket Fisherman.  I even had the perfect sized purse to carry it in, too.  But I never got one.

I hadn't thought about the Pocket Fisherman until last week, when I saw an informercial for a copycat product called the Instant Fisherman.  As I watched the man telling us that using the Instant Fisherman was as easy as saying "Lets go fish" I couldn't help but be skeptical once again.  It, too, looked like it would break apart if you hooked a fish.  A few days later, I saw a Pocket Fisherman one on sale at a Walgreens drugstore.  I guarantee you if they'd sold them at the drugstore when I was a kid, I would have went against my father and grandfather's wishes and bought one.  But there it was - waiting for me to buy it.  I picked up the box and opened it up to check it out, and wouldn't you know it?  It was broken.  And there wasn't another one in the store.  I'll wait awhile and if I still have the urge, I'll get on on eBay. 

New Product Review

You already know that I love to be one of the first to try new beverages when they're first introduced; as editor of TWIT I consider it a responsibility to my faithful readers.  Yesterday while shopping at the grocery store, I discovered Diet Coke Plus - a new beverage brought to us by the good folks at Coca Cola.  The label on the bottle was pretty jazzy, and I knew I had to try one. I wondered what the "plus" would be in the Diet Coke and after reading the jazzy label, I was surprised to find out that the "plus" was vitamins. Yes, vitamins - vitamins not normally found in a soft drink.  Each 8-ounce serving of Diet Coke Plus provides 15% of the daily requirement of niacin and vitamins B6 and B12 and 10% of zinc and magnesium.  Now that's pretty impressive for a soft drink, especially when they tell us to be careful and not drink too many diet soft drinks.  Just think - if you drink four 12-ounce cans of Diet Coke Plus a day, you'll get your daily requirement of vitamins B6 and B12.  I'm guessing this is Coca Cola's way of trying to get a market share of the energy drinks?

The anticipation grew until lunchtime when I opened the bottle and tasted the new Diet Coke Plus.  I have to honestly say it tasted weird. I expected it to have that crisp taste just like regular Diet Coke but it didn't; it tasted like it was slightly flavored with cinnamon or strong vanilla or maybe some other flavor that I just can't put my finger on.  I let a co-worker taste it and he agreed with me - it had a flavor that he couldn't figure out, either.  I drank it with my lunch and have to admit that it wasn't bad; it was just different.  The weird flavoring isn't strong like the flavored Diet Pepsi Jazz soft drinks that I tried, but it was strong enough to be noticable. 

If they were on sale or if I had a coupon, I would buy Diet Coke Plus again.  Even though it tasted a bit weird, Diet Coke Plus receives the TWIT Seal Of Approval.

And I Didn't Have To Say One Word

Spring is in full bloom here in the Ohio Valley, and it's brought one of the worst allergy seasons with it this time.  People you talk to you that have never had any problem with spring or fall allergies are sneezing and hacking due to all of the crap in the air.  We've also had summer-like temperatures for the past couple of weeks.  There's been a cool day here and there, but over all it's been pretty warm.  As you all know, warm tempteratures bring the annual waiting game here at The Compound: me waiting for the 'rents to flip the switch and turn on the central air conditioning. 

As I said, it was a mild winter and it's been a pretty warm spring, but I have to say that honestly, I don't think it's been unbearable so far.  Sure, we've had the a/c on in the cars, but we've only had the attic fan on once, and that was last night.  I haven't even had to sleep with my windows opened yet.  I know my faithful readers will find that hard to believe, but it's true. 

I'm very surprised and happy to say that this evening, the Big Event happened -- Dad flipped the switch and turned on the air.  I was in the bathroom looking for a bandaid, when I heard him ask Mom "Do you think we ought to turn it on tonight before the house gets too uncomfortable?"  Let me tell you I thought I was going to fall in the floor when I heard that.  Then I he yelled at me "What do you think?"  I decided I'd better play it cool or the whole thing would blow up in my face.  I tried not to keep the excitement out of my voice, and said "I guess.  I'm not uncomfortable."  Then it happened in the blink of an eye, without any fanfare and surprisingly enough without any whining and complaining by me; I felt the cool air coming from the vent in the bathroom  Maybe that's been the key all along - act like comfortable and not drop any subtle (or not-so-subtle) hints.  I'll sure have to remember this next year and hope it works again.  But for now, it's cool at The Compound.

Spring At The Compound

Spring is here, and that can mean only one thing: gardening and landscaping at The Compound.  This year is no exception.  The latest addition to The Compound landscape is a very cool outdoor lamp.  The 'rents spent Saturday pouring the concrete and setting it up to surprise me when I came home from Thunder Saturday night.  I sat on the swing for a few minutes, just looking at our cool new light.  Now we can have karaoke under the gazebo or carport this summer and have ample lighting to read the words to the songs. 

Thunder 2007 Report

Thunder Over Louisville 2007 has come and gone, and I'm proud to say that I survived.  I'm still tired from it all, and my nerves are still trying to get back to normal from dealing with the crowds, but I survived.  The weather was perfect - it was sunny and upper 70s with a nice breeze all day long, and once the sun went down it got a bit cool, but you couldn't have asked for more perfect weather.  And the perfect weather brought out the people.  The Derby Festival folks and the police estimate the crowds on the Louisville and southern Indiana sides of the river to be close to one million people. I think the majority of those people were in the RV parking lot where we parked. 

I'm sorry to say that my plan to leave the parking lot just as the grand finale of the fireworks was going on didn't work.  We were able to park about 100 yards from the parking lot exit, and could have had a clear shot to get out to the street, but in front of us was a group of about two hundred twenty-somethings partying and dancing.  Yes, dancing.  Someone had brought a portable generator and a DJ was playing music.  At least they turned it off while the fireworks were going off so you could hear the choreographed music, but once the last shell exploded we were back to listening to Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean."  No, I didn't see anybody moonwalking; but it was way too crowded for moonwalking any way. 

As I said, my parking lot evacuation plan didn't work, so we just sat there in the Blazer watching the battery powered TV and looking at the mass exodus of people leaving.  Plus, we couldn't have left even if the kids hadn't been having their rave; we were parallel parked and had wall-to-wall ravers on my left and a row of cars parked perpendicular to us on my right, so we had to wait till a couple of the cars left so I could squeeze out.  Once we got out on the street,  the fireworks had been over for about 45 minutes and I have to say that the traffic was way better than I expected; this year it only took an hour and 15 minutes to get home, as opposed to the usual two hours. I was surprised to be home in bed by 12:30. 

All in all, it was a pretty good day, if you don't mind feeling like a sardine.  As we were waiting in the parking to leave, one of the School Friends said "I think this might be the last year we try this" and I had to agree with her.  I'm getting too old to deal with the crowds and traffic.  I drank a bottle of water and two cans of ginger ale all day long, because I didn't want to have to stand in line for an hour just to use a nasty porta-potty.  So next year, I think I'll watch Thunder from the couch at home.

Link Of The Week

In case you didn't know, I love bracelets.  I have just about every rubber band-type bracelet in every color of the rainbow -- I have a yellow one for the Lance Armstrong Livestrong Foundation, a white for One.org, various shades of pink bracelets for breast cancer awareness, and red ones for AIDS and for the VFW Support Our Troops.  I also love cool leather and hemp bracelets.  Heck, I love any type of bracelet.  But yesterday at Thunder Over Louisville, I think I found my favorite bracelet.  It's called the American Hero Band.  It's made of metal, and it's like the POW or MIA bracelets, but this one is to honor those serving in the Army National Guard. 

You, too, can get your own American Hero Band, and it won't cost a thing.  Just go to http://www.virtualarmory.com and get your free American Hero Band.  These are totally free, and you can get two per household.  The bands have their own unique number, and you can register your band, and if you would like to give it to someone, and if the person you've given it to registers it online, you can track it and see where it it is.  As I said, I recieved one yesterday down at Thunder, but I just signed up to get two more, and when I recieve those I'm going to send them to two soldiers serving in an Army National Guard unit from Louisville, KY.  I'll keep you posted and let you know where they end up.  So please, take a few moments and sign up for your free American Hero Bands today. 

Happy Thunder Day

It's hard to believe, but it's finally here -- today is Thunder day.  The Blazer is out of the shop and is running just like a new car, and it's packed with the folding canopy and folding chairs and is ready to make the trek downtown.  After I got home from work and running errands last night, I had some quiet time and got myself together and I'm ready for the fun-filled day.  I've already laid down the law with the School Friends that the Blazer would be pulling out of the parking lot at 9:50 and unless they wanted to walk home, they'd best be inside the vehilcle and ready to go. 

It's shaping up to be a beautiful day - as I write this, it's in the upper 50s, and it's supposed to peak out at sunny and 76 today -- perfect weather for Thunder Over Louisville and the Bats baseball game.  I'm sure that will make for a record crowd downtown on the waterfront.

I'm sure I'll have at least one story of drama to report back to you, and I'm hoping for at least a couple of mullet sightings today.  Who knows?  Maybe today might be a record mullet sighting day, too.  But you can count on me to bring you all of the interesting and exciting stories from Thunder 2007.

Way To Go, Buddy

Donkey Becomes Witness in Dallas Dispute

DALLAS (AP) -- The first witness in a lawsuit Wednesday between two neighbors was Buddy the donkey, who walked to the bench and stared at the jury, the picture of a gentle, well-mannered creature and not the loud, aggressive animal he had been accused of being.

The donkey was at the center of a dispute between oilman John Cantrell and attorney Gregory Shamoun that began after Cantrell complained about a storage shed Shamoun was building in his backyard in Dallas.

He said Shamoun retaliated by bringing Buddy from his ranch in Midlothian and putting him in the backyard.

Cantrell complained of donkey noise and manure piles.

"They bray a lot any time day or night. You never know when they're going to cut loose," he testified.

Shamoun said Buddy was there to serve as a surrogate mother for a calf named Lucy that needed to be bottle-fed.

Neither jurors nor Buddy had the last say.

The neighbors settled their dispute while jurors deliberated.

Shamoun agreed to buy some of Cantrell's land and Cantrell agreed to withdraw his complaint with the city.
 

I hope Pancho and Pedro don't hear about this.  They'll want to get in on this action, too.

Now I Know I'm Having An Anxiety Attack

When we last spoke, I thought I was having an anxiety attack yesterday evening.  The club soda did the trick, and my stomach and nerves calmed down enough for me to take a nap before I got up and went to bed.  No, there was nothing in the club soda except club soda.  But my heartburn went away and I had a quasi-relaxing evening, and had been relaxed and calm up until about 3:30 this afternoon when the car repair shop called with the diagnosis and estimate on getting my Blazer fixed.  All I'll say is please be considerate and don't ask me how much.  It was a good thing I was sitting down when he told me or my co-workers would have been helping me up off of the floor. 

Diva Stacy did her best to talk me down, reminding me that a lump sum payment like this is still better than the alternatives a)having a car payment or b)not getting it fixed and walking.  When you put it like that, it didn't seem that bad after all.  Yeah right.  I told the shop owner to go ahead and fix it, and he said that the price he quoted me was the worst case scenario, and that there was a very good chance it would be cheaper.  He also said there was a good chance it would be finished by tomorrow evening; if it wasn't ready he said it would be drivable and I could pick it up after work so I could drive it downtown to the fireworks and game on Saturday and then drop it off Monday so they could finish it. 

After talking with Diva Stacy earlier, she truly did help talk me down from my ledge, and for a couple of hours I didn't even think about it.  But as I sit here and type, my stomach is churning once again and I'm starting to break out in a cold sweat.  I'll probably have to take a paper bag with me tomorrow so I can breathe into it tomorrow evening when I pay the shop.  I've never hyperventilated before so this might be a first.  I hope nobody there has a video camera or else the whole experience might end up on You Tube.

I Think I'm Having An Anxiety Attack

It's been one heck of a work week, faithful readers.  And it's only Wednesday; we have two more work days to make it through.  We've had record days for sales and shipping at work with all of the pumps we've sold and shipped up to the northeast after their big storms.  Add to that the fact that our boss is on vacation this week and we've been taking care of problem calls that she normally handles.  Yep, it's been a long week.  And on top of being busy at work, I've been all nerved up.  Actually, I've been nerved up for a couple of weeks now.  "What's wrong, Puddin?" you might be asking.  It's Thunder week - that's what's wrong.

I get nerved up like this every year that my School Friends and I have gone to Thunder Over Louisville.  Come to think of it, I get nerved up anytime the School Friends plan any type of outing.  But that's another story.  I enjoy spending the day down on the river front and going to the Bats game, not to mention getting to see firsthand the country's largest annual firework's display.  But the days leading up to Thunder make me a nervous wreck. My stomach hass been in knots all day long, and as I type this I have indigestion so bad I'm going to have to drink some club soda for some relief.  I feel like I'm getting ready to have an anxiety attack. 

Part of me wants to go, but part of me wants to stay home and avoid all of the traffic.  Last year on our way out of the parking lot, we had to inch our way through a sea of people who were pretty pissed that an SUV was trying to get out the same way as they were.  The people started banging on the Blazer and called me everything but a white woman as I was trying to get out of the parking lot.  At that moment, I vowed never again.   But I caved in and agreed to go.  I'm the only one of this group that has an SUV so I get roped into driving and hauling our tailgating gear.  If someone else drove, I'd be curled up in the back seat sleeping through all of the traffic. 

I just spoke with one of the School Friends and gave them my final decision: I would be going.  I also laid down the law; I told them that we would have the Blazer packed and ready to pull out of the lot before the fireworks start at 9:30.  The fireworks last a half an hour, so I've decided that at about 9:50 we'll all pile in the Blazer and head out of the parking lot while the masses are still watching the grand finale.  That way we'll avoid all of the traffic and the mass exodus of people.  It sounds like a pretty good plan to me.  I'll report back Sunday and let you know if my plan worked or not. In the meanwhile, I'm going to get my club soda and take some Zantac. 

 

My Top Ten View-Master Slides

1.  The Munsters
2.  Flipper
3.  Beverly Hillbillies
4.  Washington DC
5.  Disneyland
6.  Gentle Ben
7.  Partridge Family
8.  Grand Canyon
9.  Florida Everglades
10. San Francisco

We All Need A Laugh Today

We had an interesting lunchtime conversation at work today about the old school View-Master and the cool slides that we had back in the day.  A co-worker mentioned that her favorite View-Master slide was from the show "Lancelot Link."  This spawned an afternoon full of laughing to hard we were crying.  In case you don't remember, which I'm sorry to say that most people don't, "Lancelot Link" was a Saturday morning show that only ran for two seasons from 1970 to 1972.  In our opinion, it was probably the funniest show we've ever seen on TV.

Like the old show "Get Smart", "Lancelot Link" was a parody of the various spy movies and series that were popular in the mid-sixties through early seventies. The main difference between the two is that "Get Smart" used humans for all of the characters, while "Lancelot Link" used trained chimpanzees. Yes, chimps.  Who doesn't think chimps wearing costumes and dressing like all sorts of characters from spy movies isn't funny?  If a chimp dressed as an Arab shiek doesn't make you laugh, then I don't know what will. 

Between the spy adventures there were "Laugh-In"-styled blackouts: "Chimpies" were this show's answer to Laugh-In's "quickies," showing random sight gags and jokes. A regular weekly feature was chimp TV host "Ed Simian" introducing a musical number an all-chimp band, "The Evolution Revolution." An album of these songs, recorded by studio musicians with lead singer Steve Hoffman, was released on the ABC/Dunhill record label. If you're a fan of classic rock, then you would have noticed a strange similarity "The Evolution Revolution" songs to songs by "The Grass Roots."  There were also Lancelot Link comic books and other merchandise, including Halloween costumes and the always popular lunchboxes. 

I did some research and found some interesting trivia about "Lancelot Link."  The two main writers, Stan Burns and Mike Marmer, won an Emmy award in 1972 for writing the infamous "Gone With The Wind" sketch on "The Carol Burnett Show", which television critics say is one of the funniest variety show sketches ever written.  I also discovered that Hollywood animal trainer Frank Inn trained the chimps.  Frank is the genius that trained Arnold the pig on "Green Acres" and other animals on "The Beverly Hillbillies" and "Petticoat Junction." I was also surprised to read that "Lancelot Link" was the #1watched show in Zaire in 1987.  And to think some people say there's no life for a show after it's cancelled.  The most interesting thing I found out about the show was about filming the "Evolution Revolution" music video scenes.  Early episodes showed the chimps flailing away at their instruments wildly, with the film editor cleverly cutting the visual action to synchronize with the recordings. After hours of filming bedlam in the studio, someone decided to just play the music on the set, so the chimps could hear it. The chimps fell into the rhythm and started to "play" their instruments realistically.

On our afternoon break, we played a video clip that I found on You Tube, and two co-workers and I sat there watching and were honestly laughing so hard we looked like we were crying.  Yes, it was that funny.  If you don't believe me, see for yourself: here's a bonus Link Of The Week for you to watch tonight if you need a good laugh http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmTmvBzNFY4&mode=related&search.

If you're like my co-workers and me, you were sick to your stomach today when you heard the news of the shootings at Virginia Tech.  I don't want this to sound like I could not care less about the fact that over thirty people were murdered by a gunman today; I'm saying this because among the sadness and anger that we felt, we were able to get our minds off of that tragedy and find something to laugh about for a few minutes.

Link Of The Week

My family loves to eat.  And fortunately, they instilled that love in me.  Some of my fondest childhood memories stem from either going to someone's house to eat or from people eating with us here at The Compound.  From that, my parents taught me the importance of sharing and taking care of people. 

I'd like to ask you, faithful readers, to take a few moments and share and take care of people through the Link Of The Week.  Our good friends at Shedd's Spread are doing their part to help those in need.  Please visit their website, http://www.spreadthesharing.com. It just takes a minute to sign up, and then all you have to do is leave a short few sentence story about sharing a meal, and Shedd's Spread will donate a meal to Second Harvest food bank.  They'll donate up to one million meals.  When I signed up this afternoon, I was number 5,266, so there's plenty of time left for TWIT to get involved.  So please, take a few minutes to sign up and share a story.  And please forward a link to their website this week to everyone in your email address book.

Parking Lot Oddities

The 'rents and I had a very nice shopping trip at Meijers this afternoon.  In case you didn't know, it's our favorite mega open-twenty-four-hour store.  We endured a cold rain to get our supplies for the coming week (and to stock up on the 24 pack of bottled water on sale for $2.99 today only), and enjoyed family bonding.  I also stocked up on something new that Meijers just started carrying: Jelly Belly jelly beans.  They had a huge contraption that had 30 dispensers of the jelly beans.  I thought I had died and was standing at the gates of heaven.  I can't wait to try the A&W cream soda jelly beans. 

We were on our way back out to the Odyessy with our bags, when something odd caught our attention.  We had parked right next to the shopping cart corral, and there in the space between the van and the corral for the carts was a lone shopping cart.  Dad didn't say it out loud, but he had a major "WTF?" look on his face.  Like the person that put the cart there could not have walked five extra feet to put the cart inside the corral where it wouldn't roll into the side of someone's car.  Dad said "It's no wonder our part of the city can't have anything nice - people here are so sorry they can't even push a shopping cart five more feet to put it into the shopping cart corral." I couldn't have said it better.

I'm Going To Get This Seal For The Compound

Rogue Seal Bullies Surfer, Pit Bull

 

JENNER, Calif. (April 12) - Nibbles the elephant seal is defying his tame nickname by killing smaller seals, menacing a kayaker and chomping on a surfer and a dog on the northern California coast.

An elephant seal nicknamed "Nibbles" swims near the mouth of a river Wednesday in California. The adolescent seal has been attacking other seals and surfers.

The 2,000-pound lone male is seen frequently at the Russian River outlet to the Pacific, and local marine recreational outlets are warning the public about the seal's aggression.

On Easter Sunday, the seal grabbed an 80-pound pit bull and only let her go after he was attacked by the dog's owner.

"I was throwing a stick in the water for the dog," Angel Garcia said. The dog "started to shake when this torpedo thing launched itself out of the water and grabbed her."

 

On Tuesday, Nibbles growled at a kayaker, scaring him out of the water, said Suki Waters of Water Treks, a kayaking tour company.  Surf shop worker Craig Henderson said the seal and local surfers share the same turf. "It is scary when he jumps in the water with you. He is huge, like a VW bug or something," he said.

Brit Horn, a California State Parks lifeguard, said the seal has been seen killing smaller harbor seals. They've now moved to other areas along the Sonoma County coast.

The elephant seal is an adolescent who likely hangs out alone at the river mouth because he is too small to compete for females at elephant seal colonies, Horn said. Adults can grow to 14 feet long and 4,500 pounds.

I'll be the first to say I'd like to try and catch this seal and bring it back to The Compound.  For the past six months, we've been plagued by two Pit Bull dogs that live in the house across the street.  It's got the neighborhood in a frenzy, and rightly so.  When any of us go to the mailbox or go get the newspaper, or just go outside, we either carry a loaded gun or a Louisville Slugger.  This morning, the Old Man and I went on a safari just to get the newspaper -- I had a loaded semi-automatic pistol with me and had Dad in the passenger seat of the Blazer, and I pulled within three inches of the newspaper boxes while he leaned out of the window and grabbed Miss Rosemary's and our newspapers - all the while one of the Pit Bulls from across the street was on the loose. 

 

The dogs are chained outside and get loose during the day when their owner is at work, and when one of them is spotted roaming around, the phone chain starts with neighbors alerting each other.  And in the evenings, when people want to get out and work in their yards, at least one person in each family stands guard with a loaded gun or baseball bat in case one of the dogs charge at them.  Believe me when I tell you I'm not exagerating on this.  I'm a witness to this firsthand.

 

We've called the animal control people but they've been unable to catch the dogs.  We've warned their owner time and time again but to no avail.  One neighbor called the police when one of the dogs had him up against a fence in his own yard; the police simply told him to shoot the dog if it ever threatened him.  Now, you'd think that maybe the cops would have called the animal control people right then and there?  But I digress.  It's just a sad day when we have to arm ourselves just to go out in our backyards.  But I'll do whatever I have to do to keep my sweet mother safe when she goes out every morning to get the newspaper, even if that means walking alongside of her while carrying a loaded gun. 

You Get What You Deserve

Other than the news about Larry Birkhead being the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, the big news this week has been about radio talk show guy Don Imus running his mouth.  Last week, he popped off and called the Rutgers women's basketball team "nappy headed ho's" and has gotten into major trouble for it.  MSNBC has dropped him, and CBS has given him the boot, too.  But to me, the part that offends me most is not that he called that womens basketball team a bunch of nappy headed ho's; what bothers me most is his hair.  I haven't seen hair like that since the 80s big hair rock bands on MTV.  And he makes it even worse when he wears that ridiculous cowboy hat.  In case he hasn't looked in a mirror in awhile, he's not a twenty-something from the 1980s; he's an old guy in 2007 that needs to look his age.  So note to Don Imus:  I'd be very careful about saying someone is a nappy headed ho if I had big unruly hair like you do.  And one more thing - what's with the turned-up collars on your coats?  In case nobody has told you this is 2007 - it isn't 1984.  You need to get with the times. 

Wednesday Funnies

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

 

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no fulltime employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

 

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it" says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. Go ahead."

 

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye. "The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet." Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

 

Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye. "The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.  Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

 

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. "Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.

 

"The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

 

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands."Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

 

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about it."

Mullet Watch

The Divas have just returned from what we call our Spring Fling Lobster Fest across the river at Caesar's Glory Of Rome, and while our bellies are still full from ribeyes and lobsters, we have many (well, three) mullet sightings to report. 

The first sighting was just minutes after we stepped foot onto the casino boat.  The mullet bearer was older, probably in his mid-sixties, and had a very long and scraggly gray mullet.  It wasn't your typical gray closely coiffured mullet; but it was a mullet nonetheless.  And the mullet bearer was wearing denim overalls. 

The second and third sightings were another first for TWIT - we believe this was our first mother and daughter mullet sighting.  The dynamic duo was spotted in the buffet line. The mother's mullet looked as if it had just been freshly trimmed.  It, too, was gray, and was very spikey on the top.  The daughter's mullet was black, and not as well defined as her mother's mullet, but it was still a mullet nonetheless. 

Mullet count: 17

 

More Drama At The VFW

The Ladies Auxiliary had an Easter egg hunt and party for the kids this Saturday, and in keeping with the VFW tradition, there was drama.  In retrospect, I don't know why we were surprised that there was drama - everything else we've participated in at our VFW and at other posts has been drama-filled; why should an Easter egg hunt be any different?  But this time, the blame for the drama goes to the parents of the kids at the party - for once, the Auxiliary and Post members involved are blameless. 

The first moment of drama came just minutes after the party officially started.  The bags of candy for the kids were already made up and were tied with a ribbon and looked very festive.  But someone had brought a grocery bag full of candy the morning of the party, and we thought it was too much trouble to open up 60 bags of candy to put a few more pieces in, so I had the bright idea of taking the extra candy and putting it in some bowls and setting the bowls on the tables.  We sat two bowls on about 6 or 8 tables, and thinking most people would sit at those tables so they could access the candy.  Wrong.  Some of the WT parents there sat at other tables, and started griping because there wasn't any candy on their table.  Had they asked me personally about this, I would have told them to move their sorry asses to a table that had the candy, but luckily noone asked for my solution in this matter. 

The second moment of drama came once again just minutes after the party started.  I was in charge of plating up the hot dogs, chips and cupcakes and handing them out.  The lady in charge of the party asked politely for the adults to let the kids get their hot dogs first, to make sure we didn't run out.  Well, the WT parents weren't having any part of this.  They went through the lines with their kids and asked for a plate for theirselves.  After biting my tongue about the candy-on-the-table incident, I was not in the mood for their WT shenanigans, so when the first adult asked for a hot dog I told her she would have to wait until all of the kids were served.  She walked off in a huff and grabbed a bowl of the candy from another table and ate that until she got her hot dog.

The last but certainly not least moment of drama came during the egg hunt portion of the party.  The eggs were hidden out in the picnic area behind the post parking lot, and specific instructions were given to the parents and their children: kids seven and under would go first, and then the older ones would go.  They were also told that the younger ones would hunt the eggs on the left side of the picnic area, and the older ones were to hunt the eggs on the right side.  Well, they weren't having any part of that, either.  They let the little kids run all over the picnic area, and they snagged about 90% of the eggs.  When the older kids had their turn to hunt eggs, there was weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth because they didn't have hardly any eggs to hunt.  We were afraid the inmates would start a riot.  Mom and a couple of the other Auxiliary members sprang into action and collected all of the plastic eggs the younger kids had gathered, and started filling them with some of the leftover candy.  Then one of the Auxiliary members came unglued herself - she said that we couldn't just have candy-filled eggs for the older kids to hunt; we would have to put quarters in them just like they had in the eggs that the younger kids hunted.  So the Auxliary Treasurer ran and wrote out a check to the canteen and bought some rolls of quarters from them to put in the eggs.  Then some of the Post members braved the freezing temperatures and hid the eggs yet again.  Let me tell you those older kids made out.  There were fewer of them, and they made out like bandits.  One boy came up to me and proudly said he had $4.25 in quarters.  Maybe I should have hunted for the eggs, too. 

Link Of The Week

It's no secret that I love a good deal - and I scour Amazon.com daily looking for a good deal on a book or CD.  Not a month goes by that I don't buy a book from Amazon for me or the 'rents.  We love Amazon.com - it's our favorite book site.  I look on a regular basis for books by Larry McMurtry for Dad.  In addition to books and CDs, I've also ordered a purse, an iPod charger, and various other items from Amazon.com.  Just the otheer day, a friend sent me a link to a very cool site that listed "secret" Amazon deals.  I checked into them, and they're legit.  Go to http://www.secretamazondeals.blogspot.com/   and see the awesome deals on Amazon.com. I know I'm going to buy a few of the Hanes t-shirts on sale right now. 

Happy Easter Eve

Mom and I had to run some errands on this cold, windy Easter Eve, and while we were the way back home we stopped at Walgreens to pick up some Jello that was on sale.  FYI - if you live close to a Walgreens and you like Jello, that's the place to buy it.  They always have coupons in their sale papers for Jello and other cool things like canned Mandarin oranges and tiny shrimp.  Since the store was literally on our way home, we stopped in there to get our Jello.  Let me say that it's taken us ten minutes to calm down after we got home.  It was a madhouse.  I'd guess that 90% of the customers in the store were in the Easter candy aisle.  It was quite a frenzy.  Picture if you will frantic mothers and grandmothers, grabbing at Easter candy as if they were grabbing for a life jacket on a sinking ship.  They were just reaching in and grabbing candy without even seeing what it was, and tossing it into their shopping cart.  As I saw arms and elbows moving in all directions, I said a quick prayer of thanks that we didn't have to buy any Easter candy today or else would have probably been trampled.  It reminded me of a farm scene - when the farmer pours out food for the hogs, and they all run up and congregate around the feed, rooting and shoving to get their spot at the feed trough.  Yep, that's what it looked like at the Easter candy aisle in the drugstore.

It's Not Supposed To Be This Way

It has been one wild weather week here in the Ohio Valley.  I'd venture to bet that there's not too many places in the country where you have the air conditioner on one day and the furnace on the next.  After a week of temperatures in the mid 80s, we started off this week with sunshine, heat and humidity.  Tuesday afternoon before the massive cold front moved through, it was 84 degrees.  The storms hit, and the high Wednesday was 40.  It's been cold ever since. 

I braved the cold and watched my beloved Louisville Bats win their season opener last night, but not before I bundled up.  I had on two pair of socks, my thermal long underwear, a t-shirt underneath a long sleeved t-shirt, my big down-filled winter parka, scarf and gloves.  And believe me when I tell you I was not overdressed.  It was the norm last night at Slugger Field.  As we sat there watching the game and seeing our breath everytime we spoke, I thought that this must be how the Green Bay Packer fans feel at Lambeau Field during football season; you just don't expect to have to wear a winter parka to a baseball game.  But the weather gets crazier.  This evening, as we drove downtown for the Good Friday service at church, I had to turn on the windshield wipers because it was snowing so hard.  Yes, you heard me.  It was snowing. Hard, too.  In fact, it snowed off and on most of the day.  At times, you could hardly see it was snowing so hard.  I think this is a first for me:  driving in snow going to an Easter service.  But it makes sense to me, though; I remember about ten years ago, going to a Christmas Day service wearing just our shirts over our arms - no coats nor jackets because it was so warm. 

It's supposed to be very cold tomorrow and on Easter Sunday.  I feel sorry for the kids going to Easter egg hunts tomorrow.  If it's windy like it was today, the eggs will be blown everywhere.  And I know the cold weather will put a damper on women wanting to wear their spring dresses on Easter Sunday.  But I guess we'll just have to wait awhile to wear our spring clothes until it warms up - which might be July.

 

File Under: WTF?

Vet Claims Doctors Removed Wrong Testicle

AP

LOS ANGELES (April 4) - An Air Force veteran filed a federal claim after undergoing an operation at a Veterans Administration hospital in which a healthy testicle was removed instead of a potentially cancerous one.

Benjamin Houghton, 47, was to have had his left testicle removed on June 14 at the West Los Angeles VA Medical Center because there was a chance it could harbor cancer cells. It also was atrophied and painful.

But doctors mistakenly removed the right testicle, according to medical records and the claim, which seeks $200,000 for future care and unspecified damages.

"At first I thought it was a joke," Houghton told the Los Angeles Times. "Then I was shocked. I told them, 'What do I do now?"'

Houghton, his wife, Monica, and their attorney, Dr. Susan Friery, said they hoped to get the VA's attention by going public with the situation.

The claim was filed on Aug. 8 under the Federal Tort Claims Act. If it is denied, Houghton can sue the government in a federal court, Friery said.

Dr. Dean Norman, chief of staff for the Greater Los Angeles VA system, has formally apologized to Houghton and his wife.

"We are making every attempt that we can to care for Mr. Houghton, but it's in litigation, and that's all we can tell you," he said. Norman added that the hospital has made changes in practices as a result of the case.

The mistake appeared to result from a series of missteps, according to Houghton's medical records.

First, a consent form said the right testicle was to be removed and a left vasectomy performed, when it should have been the opposite. Records do not say who prepared the form. It was signed by both Houghton and the surgeon, John T. Leppert, a fifth-year University of California, Los Angeles, medical resident.

Houghton's wife said her husband did not have his glasses so he could not read it.

Next, the surgical site was to be marked with a pen.

Houghton said he was asked to identify the surgical site and pointed to his left testicle, but no one marked it. Houghton's records don't mention a mark.

Finally, the VA hospital required that a "time-out"be taken in the operating room to double-check that doctors were targeting the correct site, doing the correct procedure and operating on the correct patient.

The medical records show that a time-out was called, but it's unclear whether medical personnel consulted any document besides the erroneous consent form.

Houghton still hasn't had the other testicle removed.

 

Just when we thought things couldn't get any worse at the VA hospitals, a veteran gets the wrong testicle surgically removed.  And to make matters worse, they haven't even removed the one they were supposed to.  WTF?

Where's Hot Water When You Need It?

We had some water issues in the lunchroom at work today - due to circumstances beyond our control, we had no water dispensing from the water spout on the refrigerator, nor did we have any cold water coming from the faucet.  We had hot water, though, so I guess it wasn't a total wash out.  But after lunch when we instinctively went to the kitchen sink to wash our hands, an interesting thought occurred to me: how come when we want hot water, it takes forever for it to get hot; but when we don't want it to be scalding hot, it usually is?

Case in point, today at lunch.  As I said, we didn't have any cold water in the lunchroom, and after lunch I went to the sink like I always do to wash my hands.  Any other time if I'd turned on the hot water, it would have taken ten minutes for it to get hot.  But today, it took about ten seconds.  It just didn't make any sense.  If I'd been at home and wanted some hot water from the faucet for a cup of instant coffee or tea, it would have taken ten minutes of the water running for it to get hot.  But today when I was hoping that the water would stay cool so I could wash my hands, it came out scalding hot as soon as I turned the faucet on.  If I'd wanted the water to be hot, it would have taken forever. Not today; it took just seconds.  Like I said, it just makes no sense. 

 

Keep Up The Good Work, Samkon

This weekend, I had an experience that not many people get to have: I met an NFL player that was on fantasy football team this past season.  How cool is that?  The player is running back Samkon Gado. 

I met Samkon at church this Sunday.  He was at Walnut Street this weekend to speak at the annual sports banquet, and he was at the Sunday morning services as well.  He spoke during the services, giving his testimony and talking about growing up in Nigeria and his college days at Liberty University in Virginia.  During his four years at Liberty University, the football team had the worst record in the country. During his senior year, he sat the bench most of the season, but got to start as running back with the team's two running backs were injured. It was during that game when NFL scouts noticed Samkon, and were impressed.  To quote Samkon, he said "The NFL liked me because I was big and I was fast."  After graduating with his B.S. degree, the Kansas City Chiefs signed him to their practice squad.  He was injured during training camp and was released.  Samkon said he questioned about continuing on with a career in the NFL or doing what he said he felt called to do -- medical missionary work.  He said that he prayed and asked God to lead him to a missionary field that desparately needed help; little did he know that his answer would be in the NFL.  Two weeks later, he was contacted by the Green Bay Packers to try out, and was signed to their practice squad. He was sixth on the depth chart.  Within two weeks, all five running backs on the roster were injured and Samkon played in his first NFL game. Incidentally, he said that was the first NFL game he ever attended.  He continued on with the Packers and after starting the 2006 season, was traded to the Houston Texans.  During his time with Green Bay, he set some impressive franchise records for a rookie: most rushing yards in a game (171) and most touchdowns in a season (7).

After the church service ended on Sunday, most of the congregation rushed out to make it to Sunday School, since the service had lasted a bit longer than usual, but I stayed a few minutes to meet Samkon.  I thought there would be a big crowd around him, but there was only a couple of people talking with him when I walked up.  I shook his big strong hand and thanked him for sharing his story with us today, and I smiled and told him how I proudly had him on my fantasy football team this past season.  He smiled a huge smile and thanked me for having faith in him and his football abilities.  I thanked him for being such a great influence and hero in a time when usually all we hear are stories of professional atheletes being arrested.  He shook my hand again, and smiled and asked that our church pray for him and his work.  I assured him that we would.

The Trouble With PAMSs

As if dealing with PATs isn't bad enough, now it seems that we have their younger counterparts, the PAMSs, to deal with.  In case you weren't aware, the PAMSs are none other than Punk Ass Middle Schoolers.  From TWITs involvement and interaction with PATs, and based on some information I've received, it seems that PAMSs are more aggressive and very deserving of the "punk" in their name.  Case in point: a very disturbing incident today involving a faithful reader and some PAMSs.

I will not even us initials in telling this story, to protect my friend and faithful reader from any possible retaliation from any PAMSs that read this.  They can come after me if they want - all I have to say is just bring it on, punks.  Back to the story.  My faithful reader emailed me this morning and told of an incident that had just happened at her place of employment.  Her office is close to a middle school, and some of the PAMSs get dropped off by the bus by her office parking lot.  We think that these PAMSs had watched yesterday's pay-per-view showing of Wrestlemania, because they were practicing some wrestling moves as they beat up one of their fellow PAMSs.  One of the more aggressive PAMSs even got on top of a car in my friend's office parking lot and jumped down onto the PAMS that he was beating up.  I think we might need to change their title from PAMS to FT: Future Thug.

Link Of The Week

I love TV theme songs.  I always have.  When I was in 8th grade, my group in gym class choreographed a jump rope routine to the "Charlies Angels" theme song.  The theme to "Rockford Files" and "Magnum PI" were also some of my favorites, as well as the theme to "Dallas." I had a couple of albums with all of the popular TV theme songs, and I think I wore them out playing them on my stereo.  As technology advanced, the first ringtone that I bought for a cell phone was the theme for "The Jeffersons", another of my all-time favorite TV theme songs. 

I found a cool site this week that has the original theme song for just about every TV show that has ever had a theme song.  Visit http://www.televisiontunes.com and check it out.  They're all in MP3 format, so the sound quality is just awesome.  Go on and move on up like George and Weezy.