On MSN, AOL and other internet home pages the past few weeks, they've had "Top Ten Scary Places" or "Seven Scary Sights" or lists of other must-see scary things. Here's a list of TWIT's Scary Things. There's no ghosts, UFOs, nor anything paranormal on this list, but believe me - after you read these, you'll agree they scare you to death.
1. Puddin's Bank Of America Visa bill for September - need I say more? It does not get scarier than this. Among the charges on the bill were the infamous guitar purchased at the Gibson guitar factory, limousine rental, and various and sundry things purchased/consumed before and during MEM05.
2. Checkbook balance - especially scary after making a payment on the above Visa bill. I look at my checkbook register whenever I get the hiccups and need to be scared.
3. Paycheck stub - pretty self-explanatory. It shows how much I don't get paid. It would be another good thing to use to scare the hiccups out of someone. I realize that this is yet another item on the scary list that has a monatery theme, but let's be real - anything to do with money, or especially the lack of, is scary.
4. An invitation to a Tupperware/Longenberger/Pampered Chef/Home Interiors/Mary Kay/candle/jewelry/________ (fill in the blank) party. These invitations have been known to turn the strongest of women into shivering cowards. I know they scare me to death.
5. Annual postcard from the gynocologist saying it's time again for your mammogram - another self-explanatory one. This might be scarier than the above-mentioned party invitations. It's only once a year, but the fear is so great that we worry about it all year long.
6. Recall notice for your car - the real fear here is not beign afraid the front axel is going to fall apart or that your gas tank could explode; the thing we fear most about car recalls is how we can arrange to get time off from work to take the car back to the dealer.
7. Explanation of benefits from your health insurance company - This is scarier than an acutal operation. I've seen big strapping men tremble with fear when they read and re-read an EOB about a doctor's visit or a hospital stay. Heaven help our souls if we get an EOB for lab work or tests.
2 comments:
I read your "scary things" list and I don't understand the one about parties that women get invited to. What is your fear?
jojomomx5
For me and a lot of my friends and co-workers, invitations to parties like these are scary because they mean you'll end up getting out your checkbook (see #2 above) to buy something that you don't want or need. We're also afraid of offending the party hostess if we don't attend.
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