1. Marshall Matt Dillon
2. Bart Simpson
3. Gilligan, Skipper and the Professor
4. Herman, Lily, Grandpa and Eddie Munster
5. Jed Clampett
6. The entire Addams family
7. Jeanie (wore the same genie outfit)
8. Ed Norton
9. The entire Star Trek Enterprise crew
10. The Fonz
Honerable Mention: Uncle Jessie Duke
I thought I was doing good this weekend - we needed a new gas grill, and I needed to buy something for the 'rents for their anniversary (they're anniversary isn't for a few weeks, but I like to shop early) so my problem was solved. I bought a new gas grill and gave it to the 'rents for an early anniversary gift. Mom found one in the Sunday sale papers that she wanted so we stopped on the way home from church and picked it up. It was on sale, too, and it was the only one left in the store. Perfect. Or so we thought. We didn't open the box up until Monday morning, when Dad put the legs and handle on it. It looked fine. Then we attempted to light it yesterday afternoon, only to find that the ignitor switch was sheared in half. They lit the grill the old fashioned way - with a match - and all was well. I told the 'rents not to worry; I would call the company today and have them send us another switch.
I thought it would be easy; I'd call the company and tell them I just bought the grill and the part was broken and they would be oh so happy to send me a replacement part, maybe even send it next day air to me. Au contraire. Here's a transcript of the phone call between the George Foreman Grill customer service rep and me:
CSR: May I help you?
Me: On Sunday I bought the George Foreman portable gas grill. We opened it yesterday and noticed that the ignitor switch was sheared in two. Could you please send me a replacement switch?
CSR: I'm very sorry. We don't offer replacement parts for the George Forema portable gas grill.
Me: You don't offer parts for an item that you sell?
CSR: No. I'm very sorry.
Me: Let me get this right - you don't sell replacement parts for a product that you all sell, so when people buy this $70 grill and something breaks or wears out, you just throw it away as if it were a disposable grill like you can buy at the drugstore that's made of aluminum foil and costs $2.99?
CSR: I'm very sorry but we do not have replacement parts for that particular model.
Me: So you're basically telling that I'm screwed?
CSR: (a slight pause) I'm very sorry.
Me: I'm sure you are.
CSR: You can take the grill back to where you purchased it and exchange it.
Me: I'm the one that's sorry. I'm sorry that I trusted the George Foreman name and bought this grill in the first place. I wish I'd bought this on eBay so I could have filed a formal complaint or gotten my money back from Paypal.
There you have it. Another example of fine customer service. At least if I'd gotten it on eBay as I mentioned to the CSR, I could have given negative feedback. We think we can save the grill - Dad said that the ignitor switch is fairly universal so we should be able to get one at the hardware store. I'm not counting on it, though. I'll keep you posted.
I've done a lot of thinking and remembering this Memorial Day. I thought about the veterans that fought and died while serving and protecting our country. I thought about how happy I am to be involved in the VFW and to be able to work to keep the memories of our deceased veterans alive. But there was another thing that I was remembering today - my high school graduation. For you see, twenty-five years ago today I graduated from high school.
It doesn't seem like I graduated from high school twenty-five years ago. I'm not going to lie and say it seems like yesterday, but I will say it doesn't seem like it happened a quarter of a century ago. I do remember the day as if it happened yesterday. My cousin Linda, her husband and their two small boys drove from their home in central California just to attend my graduation. I remember what I wore underneath my dark green cap and gown - a white print sundress with a matching short-sleeve jacket and red heels. We drove to the graduation in my cousin's bad ass 1954 perfectly restored Cadillac. There was enough room in that car to hold my entire graduating class, I think. It was very hot for the end of May, just like it was today. I remember this because their Cadillac was a model in the pre-a/c era.
I remember the ceremony, too. I'm not ashamed to say that at the time, I hated my typing classes and most of my business classes that I had to take. But at the graduation ceremony, I almost fell out of my chair when they called my name as the recipient of the four-year business award. Little did I know, huh? The ceremony continued, and I remember when they called my name to come up on the stage and get my diploma, I heard my neighbors and my second grandparents', the Jones', yelling and clapping. My parents and other kinfolk there were a bit more reserved, but they were happy for me and my accomplishments nonetheless. I hope they still are.
TWIT would like to congratulate Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt on the birth of their daugther, Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. Shiloh was born last night in the south African country of Namibia. Mother and daughter are doing fine. We would also like to congratulate Maddox and Zahara, Shiloh's older brother and sister. I was guessing that Angelina would have waited a few more weeks until the full moon in the middle of June to have the baby. So much for the full moon baby delivery theory.
Rumor has it that People magazine paid $5 million for the rights to the first public photo of the new baby. Angelina is donating the $5 million to UNICEF. I can't wait to see a picture of the new baby. I'm sure Shiloh is a cutie. I'll post a picture of baby Shiloh as soon as there is one on the web. And I'm not forking over $5 million for it, either.
Hasbro shelves plans for Pussycat Dolls
Hasbro Inc. shelved plans Wednesday to release a line of dolls based on the Pussycat Dolls, an all-female music group known for risque lyrics and skimpy outfits.
Hasbro, the nation's second biggest toy maker, said it decided the dolls were "inappropriate" for the company to market and that the pop group catered to a more mature audience.
The move comes amid criticism from a national advocacy group, Dads & Daughters, that had campaigned against the doll line.
The company had reached a deal with Interscope Records, the group's label, to release dolls modeled after the popular sextet — whose songs include the hit single, "Don't Cha." But it released a statement Wednesday saying it had abandoned plans for the doll line.
"Interscope's current creative direction and images for the recording group are focused on a much older target than we had anticipated at the time of our original discussions, thereby making a doll line inappropriate for Hasbro," the company said.
A Hasbro spokeswoman, Gail Carvelli, declined to comment beyond the statement.
Joe Kelly, president of Dads & Daughters, which organized a letter-writing campaign to get Hasbro to cancel the doll line, said he was pleased with the company's decision.
"We asked Hasbro executives to imagine encouraging their own six-year-old daughters and granddaughters to engage in developmentally unhealthy behavior," Kelly said in a statement.
"It appears that they did that, and then made the right decision for their families, our families, and the company."
I thought their marketing pitch was great - "Who would like to undress a Pussycat Doll?" I'm sure it would have been a huge money maker for both the Pussycat Dolls and Hasbro. Like Hasbro needed to make more money - they're the #2 toy manufacturer in the country, giving us American staples like G.I. Joe and Playdoh. But the company caved into the Daughters and Dads organization, as well as a letter bashing campaign and they decided to pull the dolls from their original fall release. It's sad. Just sad.
Let's be real here, faithful readers. The majority of little girls that get these dolls don't have dispoable income - they get the money from their parents, who would be the ones taking them to the store to buy the dolls. If the parents didn't want their kids to have the dolls, all they would have to do would be to tell them no. I'll take the concerned parents side for a moment and say that they screwed up. The parents lost a great chance to teach a lesson to Hasbro, and other big companies, by not buying the dolls after they were introduced in the market. They should have waited till Hasbro put the product on the market before voicing their anger and not fork over for the Pussycat Dolls dolls as well as other Hasbro products, such as G. I. Joe, Playdoh and My Little Pony.
Let's separate the actual dolls from the Pussycat Dolls stage show. What's the problem? The dolls don't look any different than the Barbies or Bratz dolls on the market today. And another thing - go to any mall, or any store for that matter, and half of the girls you see will be dressed like this. And a lot so the times their parents are with them. So the parents don't mind if their kids dress like that, but they don't want their little girls buy dolls that are dressed the same way. Ohhhhkay.
I'm sorry that Hasbro caved in like they did. If I had kids, I would now boycott Hasbro products because they have no guts. You don't need Hasbro, Pussycat Dolls. You're doing fine without them. I would have bought a set of the Pussycat Dolls dolls to put in my archives, along with my Charlies Angels dolls and my John Travolta doll.
I received an inquiry the other day from one of my faithful readers about sports drinks. It seems there has been some discussion at her place of employment about sports drinks and whether or not they can actually cause dehydration. Ordinarily, I would turn questions of such scientific nature over to TWIT's resident science expert and faithful reader GoalieGirl. But she's been deep in the throes of finals so I tackled this one myself. I did some research and here is what I found:
Until recently, only athletes drank sports drinks. Back in the day, Gatorade was the only sports drink on the market, and it was not at every store in the city like sports drinks are today. They're in practically every grocery store, drugstore, department store and convenience store. There's many different versions, each promising to help the serious athlete get an edge over their competition. But today, everybody drinks the sports drinks. We drink them not only when we're going to do some serious sports activity, but at any time we feel like having something to drink. The smaller bottles of Gatorade are one of the biggest selling drinks at Slugger Field during the Bats baseball games. At almost $3 per bottle, they're not cheap. But you see more kids with those Gatorade bottles than you do with Pepsi. I'm guessing that unsuspecting parents probably think that their kids are better off drinking a sports drink then they are drinking a glass of sugary cola. Wrong. One of main ingredients in sports drinks is fructose corn syrup. If you read the nutrition labels, chances are it will even say high fructose corn syrup. Yes, the same fructose corn syrup that is just about every non-sugar-free soft drink on the market.
The problem with fructose is unlike glucose, fructose is almost entirely metabolized in the liver. Basically speaking, when fructose reaches the liver, the liver goes crazy and stops everything else to metabolize the fructose. Eating fructose results not only in lower insulin levels but also lower leptin levels. Because both of these hormones are involved in appetite control, eating lots of fructose could increase the likelihood of weight gain. Fructose also depletes the body of its minerals faster than glucose - causing exhaustion rather than relieving it. Scientists and medical experts note that these affects of fructose are most severe in children.
While a steady diet of fructose corn syrup won't cause dehydration in and of itself, the other main ingredients found in sports drinks - sodium and caffeine - can cause dehydration. Everyone knows that when you take your first drink of Gatorade, it tastes slightly salty. That's due to it being chocked full of sodium. Sodium can cause you to want to drink more - tricking your body into thinking that it is in deed dehydrated. And we all know about the evils of caffeine. Caffeine acts as a diuretic and can even have a laxative effect, and can cause dehydration.
So there you have it, faithful readers. Based on the research, it looks to me like the sports drinks could in deed cause dehydration. Reach for a glass of water instead. Or if you kids throw a fit and whine for a glass of Powerade or Gatorade, at least water it down and make sure that it is not a steady part of their diet.
TWIT would like to congratulate Taylor Hicks on becoming the next American Idol. Hicks beat out California girl Katherine McPhee on another hype-filled season of "American Idol." I'll admit that I'm not a huge "American Idol" fan fan, but I always try to catch at least the last 5 minutes of each episode just to see who got booted. And I never miss the final episode, either. Each year, the "American Idol" finale gets bigger and better. As with the previous four seasons, the "American Idol" producers decided to allow over two hours (yes, over two hours - the show ran two hours and six minutes) for a show in which the sole objective -- announcing the winner's name -- took about two seconds.
I heard some very interesting trivia about last night's finale. Over 64 million people voted after Tuesday night's episode. More people voted for who they think should be the next American Idol than they did in voting in our country's last presidential election. Do you think this means that people care more about who's going to be recording a record and going on a concert tour than they are about who's going go be running our country? I did some quick research online, and discovered something very intriguing. A marketing research company conducted a poll among "American Idol" votores, and they voters believe that their vote counts as much as or more than their vote for president. Wow. I guess the voters take it personally. They vote faithfully each week, based on how the performers did. If one of the performers really screwed up, the voters aren't going to vote for them. The ones that received the least amount of votes and who were lucky enough not to get the boot will make a change in song selection or style, and will take action to make sure they receive votes in the next week's round. The "American Idol" voters see the performers make corrections based on their votes. Maybe they don’t see that with our elected officials.
In my first months of being a VFW Ladies Auxiliary member, I've not said one negative word about the organization or the events - other than giving the blow-by-blow accounts of the drama at the monthly meetings and the weekly bingo. But something happened last night at the VFW that made my blood run cold: Blasphemy occurred last night. It was not against God or our country; it was against The First Lady Of Country Music, Tammy Wynette.
We were gathered at the VFW for the weekly jackpot drawing, and were having a great time visiting with the ultra cool old folks Rosie, Bud, and Bert (short for Roberta). The topic of conversation was country music, and Rosie was telling how much she loved George Jones. I immidiately piped up with "I just love Tammy Wynette." This is where the evening took an ugly turn, faithful readers. Rosie took a long drink of her Milwaukee's Best Light (in a mug over ice, even) and said [in reference to George Jones' past history of drinking] "If I'd been married to Tammy Wynette, I would have drank, too." Yes, she blasphemed The First Lady Of Country Music in my presence. My Dad and Rosie's husband Bud had to steady me in my chair because I thought I was going to fall out into the floor. I was shocked and for a moment, I sat there stunned and speechless. Rosie's husband waved his hand in the air, as if to brush her off and then said "I think 'Stand By Your Man' is the greatest country song ever written." Whew. There's still hope yet in that family. Maybe he can convert her.
On the evening news tonight, one of the top stories was about a new video that had just surfaced from Osama Bin Laden. As soon as I heard that the video was on the internet, the first thing that popped into my mind was is it a video of Osama dancing - just like the video still making the rounds about the comic doing just about every famous dance in the history of dance. Imagine my disappointment when I found out his video was Osama saying that Zacarias Moussaoui, the only person convicted in a U.S. court for the Sept. 11 attacks, had nothing to do with the operations of the 9/11 attacks. Needless to say I was bummed. I thought for sure it was going to be a video of Osama, in full robe and turbin, doing all of the dances like the comic did. I could just picture Osama doing the Cabbage Patch, or the Dolphin or even the Robot. Maybe next time.
After laughing to myself about this, I had to go online and find the Eminem video for his song "Without Me". In case you haven't seen the video, it shows Eminen dressed up like Osama, hiding in a cave and doing a goofy dance. For a moment, I could actually envision Osama doing the Cabbage Patch. Maybe that will be in the next video that Osama releases.
A very ugly woman walks into Walmart with her two kids. The Walmart Greeter asks, "Are they twins?"
The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they really look alike?"
"No," replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got lucky twice."
I'll let you, my faithful readers, in on a little secret - I've been working on a side project for the past couple of months. I'm not quite ready for the unveiling of the project just yet, but in doing research for the project, I stumbled upon one of the funniest and wittiest blogs I've read (second to TWIT, of course). I've read a lot of blogs but very very few are worthy enough to have a link in TWIT. This one is definitely worthy. Please check out http://www.whitetrashmom.blogspot.com. It is some of the best writing in all of blogdom. I think the co-editors, Queen of the White Trash and Tacky Princess, have got to be related to The Food Whore - their styles of writing make you wish for their next blog entry.
I didn't want to put a link to the White Trash Mom blog without getting permission, and I received the nicest note from the Queen herself, saying she would be honored for me to have blog mentioned in TWIT. So please go take a look. It's hilarious.
Well, it's the day after "The Da Vinci Code" opened in the movie theaters, and the world hasn't come to an end yet. I'm sure the protesters are still protesting, and I'm sure the Vatican's lawyers are still trying to keep the movie from being shown. I just don't get it. Does everyone not understand the simple fact that it is just a book? "The Da Vinci Code" is just a book - just like "Gone With The Wind" or a romance novel by Jackie Collins is just a book. I just don't get it.
The protesters are doing way more harm than they are good. I'm sure millions of people will go see the movie just to see what all the fuss is about; never mind they didn't intend on seeing it before all of the hype. But now they'll go see the movie to see for themselves, and the movie will gross millions of more dollars because of that. Not to mention how many millions of copies of the book will be sold now, just so regular movie goers can see for themselves if the movie was as good as the book.
I'm a Christian, and I read "The Da Vinci Code" a few weeks after the book was released about 2 years ago. I enjoyed the book. Actually, I enjoyed reading the readers' guide that I printed out from the Dan Brown's website more than I enjoyed the book itself - it was like a mini-encyclopedia. It's about 200 pages, and very interesting reading, and I would be glad to let anyone borrow it if you'd like to read it. I would also let you borrow my "The Da Vinci Code" book, too. But back to the topic at hand. I read the book with the mindset of it was just a book. I don't believe that Jesus married Mary Magdelene and had a child, like the book says - no more than I believe that a young blonde girl named Alice met a white rabbit who was always late. Even though the book contained tons of historical facts about art work, places, events and people, the story came from the author's imagination. I wonder if people protested Lewis Carrol's "Through The Looking Glass" like they are "The Da Vinci Code"? Did the people that read that really think there was a white rabbit who was late? Did they really believe there was a hukkah smoking caterpillar? Not hardly. They read the story of Alice In Wonderland knowing it was just a story. This is justa movie, faithful readers - just like Tom Hanks' previous movie "Polar Express" was just a movie.
It's hard to believe that almost nine months have passed by, but it's time for Angelina Jolie to have her baby. She's due around the first of June, but after photos of Angelina taken last weekend were released to the press, there's speculation that she could deliver at any minute. Reports say that security was tightened on Thursday at the Burning Shores resort where Angelina and Brad Pitt have been staying since April. So the official baby watch has begun. I'm sure that bookies in Vegas are taking bets on the birth date. I wonder if we can ask Pat Robertson if he knows when Brangelina's baby will be born?
Just this week, Pat Robertson said that God told him that storms and possibly a tsumani will hit America this year. I'm sure if Pat can predict that a tsunami as powerful as the one that hit a year and a half ago, then surely he should be able to let us know when Brangelina's baby will be born. He was pretty specific, too - he said that the Pacific Northwest is where the tsunami would hit. If he can narrow the U.S. coastline down to the Pacific Northwest, then he ought to be able to give us day so we can win the Brangelina baby pool.
I'm just happy that Robertson has quit with the death wishes like those he put on Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez and Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon recently and has moved on to predicting the weather.
When I pulled into the VFW parking lot this evening, I was hoping it would be an uneventful evening of bingo. It was my off week for doing the bingo calling, so I was ready to just put it on cruise control and be just one of the customers and play. Not a chance. We were still at a volunteer defecit from the two workers who got mad two weeks ago and left, and three more workers didn't show up. Needless to say, I ran my ass off tonight.
For the first 45 minutes during the early bird games, I didn't know if I was truly coming or going. But once that was over with and we settled into the groove, I thought things would get easier. Wrong again. There was major drama after the very first regular game of the evening. I'll give you a little background first - this regular game paid $60. There were two winners, and I ran to the back of the bingo hall and verified both winners, and then ran back to the other side of the hall to get the $60 to split evenly between the two of them. A second grader would have known that you would pay each winner $30. The caller handed me the money, and I ran to the back of the room where the winners were and paid them. We had already started the 3rd game when the drama hit. The VFW Quarter Master was running around asking us who paid the winners of the first game. At first, the few volunteers there looked at each other like "WTF?" Then I told him it was me. Apparently, the two winners of the first game said that I stiffed them $5 each. Once again, WTF? For the first time in my year of volunteering at the bingo, my integrity was challenged. I know for a fact that I paid each winner the same denominations of currency -- one twenty, one five, and five ones each. Yet they still said I stiffed them. My only mistake was not counting the money when the caller gave it to me. I trusted her ability to count and divide out money. Boy was I wrong. Never mind that I only gave out what money I was given. If they wanted to get on anybody, then they should have gotten on the caller for making the mistake; for the caller is the one that divides the money up if there's more than one winner. From now on, even if my own mother is the winner of a game that I'm verifying, I will count the money in front of her to make sure this doesn't happen again.
BRADENTON, Fla. (May 17) - A woman has shot an alligator that came into her home and attacked her dog.
The alligator was only 3 feet long, but Candy Frey wasn't taking any chances. When the reptile came into the lanai of her home east of Bradenton Saturday and attacked her golden retriever, Frey went and got her gun.
After Frey and her daughter managed to push the gator out of the lanai through the dog door, she blasted away at it four times.
"I was running on so much adrenaline," the 48-year-old former U.S. Marine aviation technician told the Sarasota Herald-Tribune. "I just freaked out and shot him - boom, boom, boom, boom."
A neighbor called deputies and the state sent a wildlife officer to investigate.
The alligator barely bled from gunshots to the neck and shoulder, Frey said, and wildlife officer put it back in the lake.
The deputy gave Frey a warning citation for hunting without a license.
Alligators have been blamed for three fatal attacks in the span of a week in other parts of Florida.
All I can say about this is WTF? A woman, minding her own business, in her own home, shoots an alligator that had gotten into her house and was attacking her dog, and then she gets a ticket for hunting without a license. True, she didn't get the gator with one shot, but you'd think they would have congratulated her on catching the alligator instead of giving her a ticket for shoot it without a license. It makes no sense. With all of the alligator attackts in the past few weeks, you'd think they would be happy that someone caught one of the alligators before it had the chance to attack another person.
While we're on this subject, have the wildlife people figured out why we're having all of these alligator attacks all of a sudden? Is it the weather or the greenhouse effect freaking them out? It wouldn't surprise me if they don't blame the alligator attacks on the Democrats.
I'm sure I'm not the only employee at ZCO that went to work this morning hoping to make it through the day with little or no drama. After a record-breaking Monday (it was the 7th biggest day for pump sales in the history of the company) we all were hoping for peace in the valley. We almost made it through the work day unscathed until about 3:00 this afternoon when everybody in the building received an email from HR, telling us that a ZCO employee had been the victim of an attempted robbery earlier during lunch. Now that's heavy.
The crime took place at the local Wendy's in the hood, less than a mile from work. Details are pretty sketchy, and the Production Scheduling department's CSI team didn't have a lot of clues to work with, but we carried on our investigation like the true professional sleuths that we are. The attempted robbery was apparently the handywork of four neighborhood thugs. The victim called the police but the thugs are still on the lam. That's all we had to go on for our investigation to find out who the victim was. We were still confidant that we would uncover the identity of the victim; we've solved bigger mysteries with even less information. It didn't take long for people from other departments to start calling us to see if we knew who the victim was. I guess our reputation preceded us.
We wasted no time in eliminating the possibilities, and we were able to uncover a few more clues. From what we hear, the victim was a male that works on the first floor of our office building. That sure narrowed it down. We have a list of 6 possible victims. But in all of our investigating, we had one other big unanswered question: why were they keeping the identity of the victim a secret? They weren't hurt, and other than probably being scared to death, they were OK. Ordinarily, a story of this magnitude wouldn't be kept secret for very long - the person would want to get back to work as soon as possible so they could start telling their horrific story. But not in this case. I think there's more to it, faithful readers. Stay tuned. We haven't given up yet.
Political party afilliation aside, you almost never hear me publicly criticize our country's President. It's something that I just will not do. However, our President has done something that I feel as a U.S. taxpayer, registered voter and citizen that I must speak out against. Faithful readers, our President will be giving a nationally televised speech this evening at 8:00 est. It will probably last an hour. This means that his speech will cause all of the prime time shows to be pushed back at least an hour - maybe longer if the commentators are long-winded. So we'll all have to stay up at least an hour longer tonight so we can watch the season finale of "CSI: Miami" and "Grey's Anatomy" so we'll be able to talk about the shows tomorrow at work. All I can say is he must care about what happens to Horatio's new bride who has just been shot, nor about Denny getting a new heart. And he probably doesn't have any early appointments or meetings either - he can sleep in tomorrow while we will have to get even earlier to go and vote before work after we've stayed up late watching the season finales.
I know the illegal immigrant situation is a very important issue, and that something needs to be done about it, but why couldn't the President have given his speech this morning during Jerry Springer or Montel? Or even better - when "The View" was on? I guess the President felt like he had a better chance going up against the May ratings sweeps than he did going against Star Jones.
TWIT would like to wish all of the mothers, grandmothers, step-mothers, step-grandmothers, mothers-in-law, aunts, neices, female cousins, sisters, and daughters a very Happy Mothers Day. I think that should have covered every female on the planet.
I am purposefully not posting a Link Of The Week today, like I normally do on Sundays. Instead of taking time out of your Sunday to visit the website that I would normally have posted, please take those few minutes to email, write, or call your Mom, Grandma or any of the females I listed above, and tell them how much you love them and appreciate them.
On a personal note, I'd like to wish a special Happy Mothers Day to Mom, Bev, Polly, Aunt Eva, Taffilynn, Dolly and last but certainly not least, Stacy. You all rock, and I'm so thankful to have you all in my life.
This had planned to be a day I was waiting for - the day that I would be installed and sworn in as the new secretary of the VFW Ladies Auxiliary. The ceremony is over, and I am in deed installed and sworn in, but it was a rocky road getting there this afternoon. First of all, the old/current officers were supposed to plan today's ceremony and prepare a dinner. I don't think I even need to mention that the only one of current officers that was at the installation ceremony was the president. Yes, the same one that wore her pajama bottoms and house slippers to one of our monthly meetings. But I'll cut her slack today because at least she showed up. Rumor has it that she and all of the other old officers are moving their membership to another VFW post. All we'll say is see ya. So word got out that none of these people would be at the installation, nor would they have prepared a dinner. So the new president and a few others got it all together. Sad, isn't it?
But wait - the story gets better. The old officers were still trying to sabotage the new administration and they they thought they would wreak havock by not filing the paperwork necessary to make today's installation of officers happen. But thanks to the District president who attended our previous meeting and election of officers, we were able to go on as planned today. She saw how they were at the election and she thought they would pull a stunt like this. So she filed the necessary paperwork and warrants (yes, a warrant - how official is that?) and she attended the ceremony today to install us and swear us in.
So now, I am officially the secretary of the VFW Ladies Auxiliary Post 5421. Let the fun begin.
Unless you live here in Louisville, or maybe in the state, you probably had no idea that First Lady Laura Bush was here in town yesterday. She was in Louisville for a fundraiser at the home of Matt Thornton, the CEO of Thornton's, one of the area's largest chain of convenience stores and gas stations. The luncheon was private, with no media coverage. That didn't stop our local news channels, though - they were stationed on the road leading to Matt Thornton's home, hoping to get video footage of the First Lady's motorcade.
Yesterday morning before I went to work, Mom and I were talking about Mrs. Bush's visit. Solemn as a judge, Mom said "You know - I wouldn't have minded going. I've never met a President's wife before." Gotta agree with you on that one, Mom. And out of all of the people that I know, I only know one person who has met a First Lady. And they met the First Lady when she wasn't really a First Lady anymore. But I think that still counts.
The year was 1984, and long-time friend of the family stood in line at the old Hawley Cooke Bookstore for hours just to get Rosalyn Carter to sign a copy of her book "First Lady Of Plains" for me. This was in the days before the autosigner, when Presidents and First Ladies and other very important people actually signed their books instead of having them signed with an autopen or stamped with their signature. She was there in line for half a day, and was able to get two copies of her autobiography signed. After Mom and I finished talking about Laura Bush coming to Louisville, I had to take a minute before leaving for work and go down to the basement to dig that book out of the archives. I dusted it off, and brought it up and placed it in a place of prominence on our new marble-top coffee table. Rosalyn deserves it.
It's second nature any more to get the same email five or six times as it makes the rounds. It usually happens at Christmas time with elf bowling, or during a national disaster, like when we all got the hoax pictures of the man supposedly on top one of the World Trade Center buildings just minutes before one of the planes crashed into it. It's happening again. Only this email is funny and actually entertaining. The subject line will more than likely say "The Evolution Of Dance" and it's an email with a link to a video of a comedian dancing. The video is six minutes long, and during the six minutes the guy dances to just about every dance move you can imagine. I can't dance, but this guy does moves that I sure wish I could do. Especially the Dolphin, and the Cabbage Patch.
I normally just give you, my faithful readers, a Link Of The Week on Sundays, but this one was too funny to make you wait till the weekend. Please take a look at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg&search=dancing%20%206%20minutes. If you watch it at work (gasp) be forewarned that the video is six minutes long, and there is sound with it. So watch it at your own risk.
It's been a very emotional and trying week for me, faithful readers. With working overtime at work the past three days and dealing with life, it's been a rough week for me. But I was tickled pink (pun intended) this afternoon when I read something from the Fox Sports site. Major League Baseball has granted permission for baseball players to use pink bats this Sunday, on Mother's Day, for breast cancer awareness. And best of all, these pink bats have been made right here in the 'Ville at our beloved Louisville Slugger factory.
This Sunday, you'll be able to see sluggers like Derek Jeter, our previous Louisville Bats turned Cincinnati star Adam Dunn, David Ortiz and many many others using pink Louisville Slugger bats. The bats were made available to any player that wanted to use them this Sunday, and only 50 of the players are going to be using them. It takes a big man to swing a pink baseball bat in a major league game, and all of the players honoring the women are extra big men. A lot of the players had their mothers' or grandmothers' names engraved on the bats instead of their own names, and some had female relatives' names engraved as well. In all, over 400 pink bats are being made for this Sunday's games.
The Louisville Slugger factory started making the bats last week. Players were still placing orders as of yesterday, and bats will probably be made and shipped overnight until Thursday or Friday. The bats posed something of a logistical problem for Louisville Slugger. Each player uses a different model and size, so coloring, branding and shipping them for Sunday's game has been a challenge.
Along with the pink bats, players and all on-field personnel will wear pink wristbands and a pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness on their uniforms. The pink ribbon logo will appear on the bases and on commemorative home plates, and the lineups will be written on pink cards. The bats, along with the home plates and lineup cards, will be autographed by the teams and will be auctioned off later with the proceeds going to the Breast Cancer Foundation.
I know my Mom will be watching Major League Baseball games this Sunday afternoon, and hopefully she'll get to see her beloved Derek Jeter hit one out of the park using his pink Louisville Slugger.
When we last spoke in TWIT, David Blaine was getting ready to attempt to break the world's record for holding your breath underwater while escaping from chains and handcuffs. Well, faithful readers, things didn't go to well for David Blaine last night. He survived, but he was a minute and 52 seconds shy of breaking the record. He was rescued from the water-filled ball by two professional divers after 7 minutes and 8 seconds of holding his breath. He did manage to escape from the handcuffs and chains on his hands before his stunt ended, though. When Blaine was pulled from the bubble, he was unconscious and having convulsions. He was taken to the hospital, and was relased this afternoon, forunately with no complications other than his skin being wrinkled like a prune.
I thought for sure David Blaine was going to make it. If he hadn't had to escape from the handcuffs and chains I think he would have gone the 9 minutes easily. But after living inside the bubble for over a week, I think he was just worn out and getting out of the handcuffs zapped him of all of his energy. I still give him props, though - I don't know of anyone else that can hold their breath underwater for over 7 minutes. I know I'm not about to try.
During supper tonight, the 'rents and I had our usual pleasant supper table conversations. The topics usually are what happened at work and at The Compound during the day, along with our comments about the news stories that are on the channel 32 5:30 news, which we watch faithfully. After supper today, I was clearing the dishes and Mom asked if I was going anywhere tonight. I quickly told her no, and explained that I was going to watch David Blaine attempt to hold his breath for 9 minutes inside the water-filled bubble. Dad and she looked at me like I had a horn growing out of the top of my head like a unicorn. "Who's David Blaine?" they both asked. I shook my head in disbelief. How could they not know who David Blaine is?
I simply explained that David Blaine is the guy that's been living in a water-filled bubble in the middle of New York City for the past week and that tonight as a finale to the stunt he was going to attempt to get hold his breath for a record-breaking 9 minutes while he tries to escape from chains. At about 9:30 tonight, Blaine will come out of his aquarium, and will be locked up in chains and placed back in the bubble where he will attempt to break free of the chains while holding his breath for at least 9 minutes. He might have to hold his breath a bit longer, but 9 minutes is what he needs to break the current world's record.
Not everybody has been following David Blaine's stunt for the past week, including my parents. I was talking about him at work today, and discussed him with friends this weekend, and I'd say more than half the people I've talked to about Blaine didn't know who he was nor what he was doing. Being the news monger that I am, I've followed Blaine's stunts for the past few years. He's been frozen in a block of ice for almost 3 days, stood on an 80-foot for a day and a half, and had been buried in a plexiglass cofin for a week without any food or water. Why, you ask? Because he can.
I think the popularity of David Blaine is partially due to our obsession with reality TV. But personally, I'm tired of watching B-list celebrities eating bugs or aspiring actors playing mind games with one another on a deserted island or inside a huge house with cameras in every room. David Blaine is a bit different. He refers to what he does as "performance art." It makes sense to me.
TWIT would like to wish David Blaine the best of luck tonight. I'll have a full report tomorrow on tonight's attempt at breaking the world's record for holding your breath underwater.
Unless you've been hiding under a rock for the past year or so, you know that poker is the hip thing right now, especially the popular Texas Hold 'Em. If you like to play poker, for fun or for money, I've got the site for you. Just go to http://www.drawdead.com and you can find out all you ever wanted to know about poker, mainly online poker. It's the place to go for tips if you're going to play online poker, either for real money or for tokens or for points.
Incidentally, later on this week, stay tuned to TWIT where I'll give you the exciting story of how I learned to play poker. I know you can't wait.
I'm dressed and have had two cups of coffee and I'm ready to start my Derby Day merriment. In case you're wondering, here's what my exciting Derby Day will be like: laying on the couch watching the Derby Day coverage on TV, a very safe distance from Churchill Downs. Yes, to some of you that will seem like I've lost all control of my senses, given the fact that I've been on the run for the past two weeks going to Derby festival events. But to me, Derby Day is different. The 'rents are going to be out of town on another cool day trip with some friends, so I'll have the house all to myself and I can't wait. It will be a little odd; it's a Puddin family tradition for all of us to plant the garden and then take many breaks to come inside and watch the races, so it will be different this year. But they'll be here with me in spirit. And no, I'm not going to be planting the garden.
If you ask 1000 people from Louisville if they've been to the Derby, 999 of them would say no, and that they never will go. Personally, I've been once and I know I won't go back, unless I have a ticket on Millionaire's Row and a limo to get me there. Most people here in Louisville don't want to deal with the traffic and the crowds and standing in line for an hour to use the bathroom. And I cannot blame them. Derby weekend is a big travelling weekend for alot of people here in the city. They just want to get away from all of the traffic and drama, and once again I can't blame them.
But the rain earlier in the week has moved out, and it's going to be a sunny day with temperatures in the upper 60's. Add those factors in with the 150,000 people that will be there, most of whom will have been consuming mass quantities of alcohol all day long, and you've got an equation for a pretty bad sunburn. But in case you're going to the track today for the Derby, never fear. I read that Churchill Downs will be selling sunscreen for only $6.
Have a safe and fun Derby Day, faithful readers.
Today is a very important day to me and my fellow Diva Stacy. Yes, it's Cinco De Mayo, independance day for our amigos south of the border. And yes, it's also Derby Eve, an eve second only to Christmas eve here in the 'Ville. But today is another historic day. It is the day that The First Lady Of Country Music, Miss Tammy Wynette, was born.
Tammy Wynette was born on this day in 1942, and would have been 64 years old today. But she left us when she was just a month shy of her 55th birthday. While we're sure her birthday will never become a national holiday, we decided that from today on, we will celebrate her birthday every year that we're able. In typical Diva fashion, we celebrated the birthday of The First Lady Of Country Music today. The celebration was complete with bubbly and gifts. I took pictures of the birthday celebration today on the camera on my new cell phone but I can't figure out how to get them from the phone to the computer. When I finally get it figured out, I'll post a picture from the event.
It's getting to be a weekly thing in TWIT - drama going down at the VFW. First we had the man faking the hiccups to deal with during bingo, and then we had the drama-filled Ladies Auxiliary elections. Tonight was the regular Thursday night bingo, and while we had about half as many as normal, there was no shortage of drama. In fact, most of the drama was occurring as I was walking into the place this evening. Two of the regular workers got their panties all in a wad and got made and left, saying they were going to another bingo in the area. It was fine with me; don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out. But the reason they got mad and left was kinda funny. It wasn't funny to the VFW nor to the two ladies that got made and left, but it was funny to us bystanders who were witness to it. You see, the two ladies that got mad sold the bingo cards, and held the position of card sellers for about 5 or 6 years. During that 5 or 6 year period they also thought that it was ok for them to get a free set of cards each week because they "worked" and felt that the VFW owed them that much. Keep in mind none of the volunteers that help at the bingo are paid; it's all strictly voluntary. Well, tonight the new officers that are in charge of the Thursday night bingo called them out on it. And the two ladies weren't too happy about it, either. That's when they got mad and left.
Another volunteer and Ladies Auxiliary member (and also a Webster University alumni) and I were discussing this, and when she told me what had happened, we both had the same "WTF?" expression on our faces. Never a dull moment at the VFW, sports fans. Never a dull moment.
It's been a long day and I'm dog tired, but I could not let the day go by without talking to my faithful readers.
It was a great day in the 'Ville -- it was sunny and low 80's and more importantly, I was on vacation until Monday morning. It could not have been a better day. I arrived at a park on the outskirts of downtown at about 9:30 with some friends from college, and we had a pretty good, drama-free day. The day would have been better if my fellow Diva had been with me, but I made it through. It was a fairly uneventful day - we fired up the grill and had a nice steak for a late lunch and then just watched the portable TV and looked at the river rolling by until the steamboat race started. We saw the boats twice - coming and going, and each time the Delta Queen had a bigtime lead. I'll hopefully have some pictures to post tomorrow.
The steamboat race was rigged, I think. The Delta Queen won by a landslide. I think they sabotaged the Belle Of Louisville, if you ask me. But even though the 'Ville lost, it still was a good day. At least I didn't have to work. That's all that matters.
With Derby week being in full force, I can't believe that I forgot to report about the Ladies Auxliary elections. It was quite an action packed evening. The battle lines had clearly been drawn, but the new regime had pulled quite a coup in overthrowing the old administration.
First of all, phone calls had been made to just about every member, asking them to come and vote for Jan, the lady running for President. It worked. In our previous meetings, we only had maybe 10 ladies; at the election meeting we had 42. It was quite a turnout. Plus, we brought in the Disctrict President, in case we needed crowd control. I thought the old administration officers were going to drop their false teeth when they saw her walk in. They knew their days were numbered.
Our shock and awe attack came early in the meeting, and when the dust settled, they knew they'd been beat. The old officers tried to pull a fast one on everyone but it didn't work. The secretary read the minutes from the previous meeting, and she conveniently left out the part about where we elected and installed three new members at last month's meeting. We had already been given the head's up on this by an auxiliary mole so we were prepared. After the minutes were read and they asked for any corrections or additions, the soon-to-be new president stood up and brought that little omission to their attention. They all had a sick look on their faces, and they knew their bluff had been called. The secretary quietly said she'd add it to the minutes and that was the end of that tune.
The election part of the meeting went way smoother than we'd all anticipated. The new president and her staff were elected with no opposition. I wasn't elected, however. The position of secretary is appointed by the president, just like when the President appoints his Cabinet members. You get the picture. The officers will be installed in a ceremony next weekend, and then June 1 I will officially begin my gig as secretary. I can hardly wait.
I still stand by what I said two months ago. I still hope the golddigger doesn't get a dime, regardless of what Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg says.
TWIT is very proud to announce that we have a new mullet spotter among our faithful readers. Today, I present to you the mullet sighting of my dear friend and faithful reader, Taffilynn. Here's her report:
Just wanted to let you know that I witnessed my first mullet sighting in public. The family was at the Sam's Club on Preston getting my tire fixed. The mullet was on a mid-40's male. He had dark brown hair and it was long (about 1/2 way down his back) in a pony tail with a blue rubber band and pretty darn short on top. He had a nice head of hair.
Mullet count: 23
