The Whizzinator Strikes Again

You heard it first on TWIT, folks.  We are on the cutting edge, and once again, TWIT brings you the news before it makes the headlines.  Just last week, TWIT gave you, my faithful readers, information about the Whizzinator, a fake penis that holds and discharges clean urine, enabling drug users to pass urine tests.  Now it seems that the Whizzinator has moved on up to Capitol Hill.  Our lawmakers are trying to put a stop to the Whizzinator and other products that claim to help drug users pass urine tests.  A congressional subcommittee has voted to subpoena the owner of Puck Techonology, the company that makes the Whizzinator.  They also subpoenaed the owners of two other companies that sell similar products.  "These companies seek through deception to make a buck by violating our trust and compromising our security," said Rep. Ed Whitfield, a Kentucky Republican who chairs the House Energy and Commerce Committee's oversight and investigations panel. It is a risk we simply cannot tolerate. This panel will uncover how widespread these products are and recommend the necessary steps to end their use," Whitfield said in a statement.  Thank you Rep. Whitfield for taking care of these shiesters.

The House committee is also checking into companies that make products such as teas or other drinks that promise to flush out drug ingredients in urine.  The owner of one such company said that he will cooperate fully with the investigation.  He said that users of his company's products, which include drinks and capsules, must be "clean" for two to three days before using them to pass a drug test.  The company feels they don't help people cheat on their drug tests; their products merely accelerate the cleansing time.  Riiiight.

This raises some questions.  Would a man have to wear the Whizzinator to work every day, or at least keep it in his locker or in his lunchbox?  The majority of drug testing in the workplace is random, so unless they have someone in HR to tip them off, they wouldn't know when they would be tested, and ultimately wouldn't know when to wear the Whizzinator to work.  So I guess they would have to keep it in their car or at work.  As for the drinks or capsules, would the drug users just get into the habit of using those products every time after they smoke, snort, injest or inject illegal drugs?  I know those products aren't cheap - they probably cost as much as the drugs.  Maybe I'm seeing this from an old school point of view, but to me, if someone has to fork over $$$ to buy these products in order to pass their drug pee test, they have a huge problem.  I wonder if the Whizzinator company and the other companies that manufacture these products drug test their employees?