Today's guest writer is Greg, a co-worker, faithful reader and TWIT's sports consultant.
According to an earlier post on TWIT, http://journals.aol.com/puddinprp/ThatsWhatImThinking/entries/896 a Louisville man was arrested for using a device to help pass his probation related drug test. Now, this type of device is hitting the national news scene.
According to ESPN news, an NFL football player was caught with what is called “The Original Whizzinator” in his possession while trying to board a commercial airplane. Per ESPN, the airport security personnel hand checked his carry-on baggage after a tube of toothpaste set off their alarm. While searching, they uncovered vials of powder resembling illegal drugs. They also found a simulated penis with bladder bag and heating pads. After determining that the items were not drug or bomb related, they allowed the player to go. Unfortunately for the player, having possession of “The Original Whizzinator” could be in violation of NFL rules.
In essence, this player has reduced himself to the same mentality as lowly, ordinary people who are on drug related probations similar to the Louisville man. To be fair, the player is saying the apparatus is for a relative who he was taking it to. Also to be fair, the player was suspended once in NCAA football for failing a drug test and has failed the NFL drug test twice. A third failure in the NFL brings a year’s suspension and no pay.
The thing that’s bizarre about these two affairs is the business “The Original Whizzinator.” After doing some investigating, I’ve found that the Whizz people actually have products that help women as well. Imagine that, a company that is based on helping people maintain an activity that could potentially endanger both the person needing the drug testing assistance and they people around them. As evidence, I’ll mention the picture on the company’s website. It shows what looks to be a construction worker, wearing a hard-hat and smiling while he is taking his drug test. That’s all we need, more inebriated/drugged-up heavy power machinery operators thanks to “The Original Whizzinator!"
With all the free publicity “The Original Whizzinator” is getting thanks to ESPN and other news outlets, I’m sure that the Whizz people’s orders are increasing. If only they had a product that could help a writer come up with a TWIT worthy column before a deadline . . . . what a minute, I guess they did!
1 comment:
With all of the discrimination lawsuits these days, I was delighted to find that the Whizz people also have a product for women. Not that I would need it, but it's nice to know they haven't forgotten about us women.
Is it only me, or does this sound like a product that would have been on an old "Saturday Night Live" episode? And it also sounds like some bizarre superhero, too.
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