Illegal Souvenirs

I read an interestting article the other day in a travel magazine.  They talked about souvenirs that are illegal.  Some of the examples made sense; for instance, it's illegal to bring back soil from any state or country that you visit.  If you visit Canada, it's illegal for you to bring back Canadian beef due to the risk of Mad Cow Disease.  It's also against the law to bring any of Canada's very popular Tylenol with codeine across the border.  The 'rents will be thrilled to find out that factoid, since every time they go on their annual Canada trip that's the only souvenir I ask them to bring me.  Some of the souvenirs the article listed didn't make sense.  It's also illegal to bring back water pipes and pornograpy from another country.  And heaven forbid you bring back more than 250 grams of caviar; you'll end up in the big house for that, too.  I thought about vacation souviners that I've bought and ones that I've received, and here's a list of some souvenirs that should be illegal:

T-shirts or hats that say "I went to ______." You can fill in the blank with the destination of your choice.  I can only pray that somewhere in England there are no stores that sell t-shirts that say "I went to Stonehenge." 

Gigantic fly swatters with a city or state name imprinted.  I saw these on our first trip out west when I was 10 years old.  They were selling them at a Stucky's in Texas, and I'm pretty sure the flyswatter said "Texas fly swatter."  It was funny when I was 10; it's not so funny now.

Anything made of shells or sand.  I know it's the thought that counts, but I'm sorry; they should be illegal.  The only thing that could make a souvenir made from shells and/or sand would be if somewhere on the souvenir it says "Made in Pakistan."  Some friends went to Gulf Shores, AL a few years ago, and they brought Mom wind chimes made out of shells.  It fell apart about 20 minutes after she hung it up. 

Plastic backscratchers with a city, state, or tourist attraction imprinted.  This falls under the same destination specific souvenir as the gigantic fly swatters.  They're funny when you're 8 years old, but not when you're 40.  As souvenirs, they should be banned, but one did come in handy a few years ago.  Before I finally had to break down and replace the windshield wiper motor on my Blazer, if you tapped the motor with something the wipers would work.  A friend from school gave me a plastic backscratcher from Panama City to use. 

Anything carved out of a coconut.  I can't even think of anything to say about this one, other than if someone gave me one as a souvenir from a trip, I might throw it at them. 

Gigantic pencils that are also destination specific.  These are impossible to write with unless you're Paul Bunyan.  Too bad my friend didn't have one of these - I bet it would have worked great to tap the windshield wiper motor. 

Theme park beanie hats, especially if they have the little plastic propeller on top.  Nobody likes these things, especially if they are from a theme park.  And in my 44 years, I've yet to see a person actually wear one.

Photographs taken at tourist locations by a professional photographer and then sold to you as you are leaving the tourist location.  I admit, I'm a sucker for these.  I've never been one to cave in to blackmail except when it comes to these pictures.  I've bought every one that I've been photographed for - mainly just so noone else can see it.  There are two exceptions to this, however -- the souvenir photograph taken of Diva Stacy and me at Graceland and the photograph taken again of us by the helicopter during DLV2.  Sure, the pictures were simply legalized extortion, but we did look in them.

Bottle openers and beer can holders in the shape of a well-endowed female body.  I think you can get the visual. 

Snow globes that are also destination specific.  I was appalled to find on eBay some Taj Mahal snow globes. That is just not right.  I don't want to believe that there is a souvenir stand in Agra selling Taj Mahal snow globes.