of Fashion Disasters of the 80s

The 80s produced some interesting things. Fashion wasn't its strongest point. As trends are recycled and decades revisited we can only hope that the 80s stays in the 80s, and spare ourselves from the embarrassment of oversized clothing and blinding colors. Here are just a few of my favorite fashion memories (and disasters) from the decade that was the 80s.  I found some of these on an MSN Fashion page. It was too hard to rank them, so let me just say they are in no particular order.

1. Shoulder pads  Maybe it was the armor for us busting through that glass ceiling.  Or maybe we were trying to fit into the male-dominated workplace by looking like linebackers.  Whatever the reason, shoulder pads (the kind that added an inch or more of height, like Linda Evans in her "Dynasty days) were wrong, very wrong. 

2. Neon   Our eyes are still recovering from this one. Neon was everywhere. I'm not ashamed to say that I loved my neon pink 100% cotton t-shirt.  The return of tie-dye added to the nausea by encouraging people to mix their neon.  Let's cross our fingers that this fashion crime never happens again, for the sake of vision everywhere.    
 
3. T-shirts with clips on the side   Oversized t-shirts were big. Clipping them up on one side with a chunky plastic clip (make it neon, even better) was even bigger. I have no idea about this trend.  I sure didn't do that with my cool neon pink t-shirt.  Maybe it was to keep your giant t-shirt from overshadowing your awesome three-quarter length leggings?

4.  Acid-washed and ripped jeans   There's nothing like a pair of comfortable, worn-in jeans.  But this worn?  In the 80's, your choices were jeans that looked like bleach had been spilled on them or jeans that looked like you shredded them.  Nothing really looked good with them, especially not a mullet. 

5. The dancer look    Most of us are not professional dancers.  So why did we once insist on dressing like them, complete with leg warmers, ripped sweatshirts, and braided headbands?  This trend also included the sleeves-off-the-shouder look.  But I will say that it worked for Jennifer Beals in "Flashdance."  The worst case scenario of this trend was when girls wore the leg warmers over their blue jeans.  Equally bad was the layering of 3 or 4 pair of legwarmers.  We can blame Olivia Newton John and Jane Fonda for this one. 

6.  Jellies sandals   They were plastic. They were noisy. They were hot.  And girls that wore jellies didn't stop with just one pair - they had them in a rainbow of colors.  But they had to be careful not to wear them when walking anywhere outside in August, for fear they would melt.  I've bought other shoes that were borderline questionable, but I'm proud to say that I never owned a pair of jellies. 

7.  Parachute pants   I don't think we could have loved them any more if they had been made from actual parachutes.  I proudly wore my pair of Bugle Boy khaki-colored parachute pants.  Mine snapped at the ankle, a feature I thought cooler than the dozen zippers on the pants. I wore them with my very cool red Reebok high-tops.  Merry Go Round was the only retailer for Bugle Boys; it's scary to hear that they sold 10 million pairs in 1984. 

8. Mullets, mousse and rat-tails   In recent years, the mullet has been lambasted as the classic tacky 80s hairstyle.  In fact, the term "mullet" didn't come into usage until 1994 in a Beastie Boys song called "Mullet Head."  But nonetheless, the style was still there.  Big hair was also the rage.  Mousse was introduced to the U.S. in 1984 by L'Oreal.  It became an overnight sensation.  My friend Karen Hunt has a picture of me, reportedly locked away in a safety deposit box so no one can see, with big, perfectly moussed and styled hair.  (Side note: in the picture, I'm wearing a white blouse with ruffles on the front and collar, a la Prince.)  And we can't forget the rat-tail, a small strand of hair, usually braided or bleached, at the back of the neck.  We have New Kids On The Block to thank for this one. 

9. Jeans worn with dressy shoes   I will confess that I fell victim to this fashion crime.  It was the summer of 1984 - I was flying to California for vacation, and was going to meet my parents, who had driven there, in San Francisco.  I wanted to be extra cool for this trip- it was thefirst time I was flying by myself. With my hair expertly styled and moussed from a trip to the salon (see above), I chose the perfect ensamble for the trip:  very straight-legged jeans (Gitanos, to be exact) mauve plaid Liz Claiborne short sleeved blouse, pastel pink cotton Liz Claiborne v-neck sleeveless sweater, AND pastel pink mid-heeled pumps.  I was all that.  Looking back now, all I can say is "What was I thinking?"

10. The Don Johnson look     As if "Miami Vice" wasn't bad enough, it had to spawn a fashion trend. I cringe when I think of the pastel-colored jackets worn over t-shirts and baggy linen pants. To top off the ensamble, the outfit called for slip-on shoes without socks.  I'd like to have a dime for every high school senior picture taken in the 80s with the boys wearing this outfit.