Special Guest Writer Thursday

With all of the crap going on this week in dealing with the insurance companies and trying to drive my Blazer to different body shops only during daylight hours because I have no headlights, my nerves are pretty much shot. A friendk, co-worker and newest faithful reader Krazy K talked to me at work today about a subject that she is very passionate about -- crazy Louisville drivers. After hearing her while she was on her soapbox, I asked her to please write it down and share it with everyone on the world wide web. Before we go any further, let me say that the opinions expressed are [close but] not necessarily those of Puddin, but I feel everyone has the right to their own opinion, and I'm thrilled I could give Krazy K a place to express said opinion. Without further ado, here's Krazy K's take on driving in Kentucky:

Okay folks, let me tell you a little bit about myself so that you can understand my perspective: I am 39 years old, born and raised in California, but have driven in many states from one side of this country to the other. I’ve lived in Fresno, CA; Bakersfield, CA; Modesto, CA; El Paso, TX; Las Vegas, NV; and now, Louisville, KY (don’t ask, we’ll just say my family is full of gypsies and leave it at that). I have frequently driven in dreaded Los Angeles and San Francisco (which is hell on brakes), New York City and Chicago, as well as been a passenger in 14 different countries in Europe. Up until moving here, I would have said that the worse drivers were in Naples, Italy. One week after living in Louisville, I changed my mind – the worst drivers are here! Now, I will do my best to not sound self-righteous, but please forgive me ahead of time because I know I will probably fail.

It didn’t take long for me to notice that no one here knows what that little stick on the left of the steering wheel is for. Well, let me clue you in: it is a courteous little stick that lets the drivers around you know that you are turning or changing lanes BEFORE you do it – and oh, what a wonderful tool. After a year here, however, I think I have learned why it is not used. Because those “the-world-is-all-about-me” people will actually speed up to close gaps so you cannot get into their lane. But I have also learned that people will squeeze their big a$$ SUV into any gap I leave in between me and the car in front of me – not matter how small. This must be why people drive so close to my butt that they can probably see panty lines (even the so-called cops – but I won’t go there). BTW: If you own a black PT cruiser and were going south on the 71 at 7:24 a.m. this morning - driving like shit and almost causing an accident – you are an idiot and need to consider riding the bus.

Apparently, red lights and stop signs are a suggestion. This could be the cause of all these accidents I keep seeing and hearing about on the news, but I guess there’s a learning curve. This must be the same learning curve that keeps people from learning that ice is slippery. And let me touch on the hillbilly road rage (Boy, I’m really heated up now) – I have had more than one idiot follow me all the way to work because I made the mistake of braking in front of them when cars in front me also braked. Who the hell do these people think they are? Let me say that I’m packin’ now, so I dare one of these punks to catch me. This NEVER happened in Cali, Texas, or Nevada.

So (allow me to take a deep breath – in and out), let me just reiterate something: driving is a privilege allowed by the state government once you have proven that you know the rules of the road (or can at least find a way to cheat on the test). Those rules are there to keep the general public safe, which includes you and I. I understand you’re in a hurry – we are all in a hurry. I, however, am not in a hurry to die here in Kentucky on the stupid 265. And if my daughter gets hurt while driving here, I will personally rip the internal organs of anyone causing the accident with my bare hands – that’s when my road rage will top any wanna-be-Billy-badass.