The Coolest Things That Happened To Me In 2005

1.  My parents still going strong at age 72
2.  Having a mid-life epiphany and getting a new perspective
3.  Vacation in Memphis
4.  Going to Graceland in a stretch limo
5.  Becoming a Louisville Bats season ticket holder
6.  Buying a guitar at the Gibson factory
7.  Getting broadband and a wireless router
8.  Becoming a member of the VFW Ladies Auxiliary
9.  Getting to meet Terri Clark twice
10. Going to Ruth's Chris in a bad 2006 Mustang
11. Getting back into playing the guitar and singing
12. Buying a $350 Swiss watch on sale for only $60

Goodbye 2005

Dear 2005,

After spending 364 days with you so far, the time has come when we must say goodbye.  But before we bid farewell, I'd like to thank you for a few things.

Thank you for showing me how important friends are.  This summer, you gave me the opportunity to be a rock for someone; just a few weeks ago you gave that friend the opportunity to be a rock for me.  We both knew we had it in us, but we never thought we'd have to step up like that for each other.  You gave us that chance to step up, and we're stronger for it.

Thank you for showing me yet again the importance of unconditional love.  During the fun times, the sad times, and even the bad times, you gave me the chance to give and receive unconditional love from my friends and family.  I hope that your friend 2006 will give me the same chance.

Thank you for no major illnesses or health dramas during your year.  Other then the 'rents and me ending your year with sinus infections, you've seen us healthy.  You've seen us eating healthier and getting more rest.  And best of all, you've seen Mom beating her diabetes. 

You've seen a few repairs to the BMW, but as you leave us, it's in tip-top shape.  You also saw the Blazer making it through another year in good shape.  And I thank you. 

Thank you for showing me that I need to be playing the guitar more.  You made me remember how great it feels when I play and sing.  One resolution for your friend 2006 is to keep on playing and to try my hand at song writing. 

Before you leave, thanks again, 2005, for everything.  For the laughter, for the tears, for the frustrations, for the anxiety, and for the triumphs and sucesses. I've learned from them all.  

Your friend,  Puddin

 

Who Stole The Nun Bun?

Nun Bun stolen, owner reports
Cinnamon sacrilege on Christmas morn

Something crummy happened in Nashville on Christmas morning.

The Nun Bun was stolen, its owner said — and he fears the globally renowned cinnamon roll, famous for its resemblance to Mother Teresa, has been ripped apart and thrown away.

"My gut feeling is that it's destroyed," said Bob Bernstein, the owner of Bongo Java coffee shop, where the bun had been on display for nearly 10 years. "Someone took it, destroyed it and it's the last we'll hear of it."

Someone broke into the Belmont Boulevard coffeehouse yesterday morning, apparently with the sole purpose of stealing the pious pastry. Bills and loose change in charity-donation containers near the bun's glass display case were untouched, Bernstein said.

"They went right for the bun," he said. "What the heck they are going to do with it, I can't imagine. It's sure not something anyone would eat. I hope they do eat it. It will teach them a lesson."

Store managers were alerted to someone breaking into the coffee shop yesterday at 6 a.m., Bernstein said. He called police immediately, he said. The theft is under investigation, Metro Capt. Ben Dicke said last night.

The Nun Bun became the object of international attention in 1996 — less than a year before Mother Teresa's death — after Bongo Java employees noticed its uncanny resemblance to the world-famous Catholic missionary.

"It may not be a miracle, but it's close enough for Nashville," singer-songwriter Sand Sheff said at the time.

To preserve it and the image it bore, the bun was coated with shellac.

The bun was controversial, too. Bernstein stopped marketing T-shirts and mugs featuring it after Mother Teresa, then 86, wrote him asking him to stop. "She didn't mind the bun itself, but she didn't want us making money off her name or image," Bernstein wrote in his history of the Nun Bun posted on Bongo Java's Web site, www.bongojava.com.

The curious confection enjoyed some renewed publicity last year after a Florida woman made $28,000 on e-Bay by selling a partially eaten grilled cheese sandwich she said featured the image of the Virgin Mary.

The Nun Bun often is listed among such notable foods-as-religious-icons that occasionally capture Americans' attention as the "Fish Stick Jesus" and the piece of popcorn whose owner said it bore the likeness of the Virgin Mary holding baby Jesus. Closer to home, many Tennesseans also remember accounts of "Freezer Jesus," an image of Christ that appeared on a chest freezer in Estill Springs, Tenn., in the late 1980s.

As for what anyone could do with the Nun Bun while it's "hot" — while it's stolen merchandise — that wasn't clear yesterday. There were no listings on e-Bay last night for a "nun bun."

Bernstein said he does not know the bun's worth. He tried at one point to find an insurer for the bun, "but no one would touch it."

Metro’s police report on the theft estimated the bun’s value at $25. It said the “Mother Theresa Cinnamon Bun” was the only item taken. As stolen goods, the bun was classified in property category No. 77, for “other.”

Bongo Java was closed yesterday for Christmas and was due to be closed today, but Bernstein said he will open the shop so people can come to discuss the bun, or, perhaps, provide information they might have about who stole it.

"It's weird," Bernstein said. "You laugh about it a little bit, but it's an empty feeling. It's like the end of an era."

 

If you remember, it was just about this time last year when things were abuzz about the Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich.  We should have known it was just a matter of time before another so-called miracle food popped up.  I did some checking before posting this, and as of 6:00 p.m. EST tonight, the Nun Bun hasn't appeared on eBay yet, although you can get a bumper sticker or a Nun Bun t-shirt on there. 

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think it looks like Mother Theresa at all.  To me, it looks more like Jimmy Durante. 
 

 

Coincidence . . . Or Not?

My co-worker G told us an interesting, and downright bizarre, Christmas story today.  I'm still pondering it.  He and his family have the three Wise Men from a nativity set, and this Christmas they set out trying to find Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus for the set.  These aren't your ordinary nativity scene figures; these are hand-painted and are pretty big.  They called the Big Store where they bought the Wise Men, but all of their Louisville and Southern Indiana locations were sold out of Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus.  G and his family went to Missouri for Christmas to visit his parents and sisters, and on their way back home Monday, they decided to stop at the Big Store that was just outside of his parents' hometown.  Lo and behold, Christmas is truly a time for miracles because they had one set left.  They bought Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus, and got back out to their SUV and carefully wrapped the Holy Family in blankets and coats, to keep them safe for the trip home.  Once back in southern Indiana, they unwrapped the figures, only to find that Mary had a hole in the top of her head. The next day, they called one more Big Store and, yes, you guessed it - they had one set of Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus left.  So G took the impaled Mary to the Big Store and exchanged her for another one.  Once home, they placed Mary with the rest of the nativity set figures, and discovered that she had a hole in her head, too.  Only this hole wasn't on the top of her head like the other Mary; her hole was on the side by her veil. 

Our suggestion was to try and repair the hole with some plaster and paint.  That, or maybe put a silk flower in the hole, and have it look like Mary is wearing a flower in her hair. 

Root Canal - Part 3

I am very happy to report that the last phase of my root canal was completed this afternoon.  I made a trip to my new dentist, who I absolutely adore, and he drilled out the temporary filling and replaced it with a nice, new silver permanent filling.  By far, this has been the easiest of all of the procedures.  I was leary for a moment while I was laid back in the big chair - he had the drill in hand and was ready to commence drilling out the old filling when I realized that he hadn't numbed me up.  He must have read my mind because he said "You won't feel a thing because the tooth is dead."  And true to his word, I didn't feel a thing.  After only 15 minutes, I was in the car and headed for home.
Thank you, my faithful readers, for your kind emails during the Root Canal Drama of 2005.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I have the best faithful readers of any blogger out there.

Farewell, ABC Monday Night Football

Last night was bittersweet - I got to see the Patriots show the Jets why they are two-time Super Bowl champs, but at the same time, it was the last Monday Night Football game on ABC.  Beginning in September 2006, Monday Night Football will move to its new home on ESPN.  ESPN will pay $1.1 billion per year for Monday night rights in an eight-year deal. 

ABC started Monday Night Football on September 21, 1970.  After an impressive 36 seasons, it is the longest running primetime sports series in television history.  Back in the day, it was a bold step to take for ABC.  At that time, football in America fit into a three-day weekend.  Friday night was for high school games; Saturday belonged to college football; the NFL played on Sunday.   The NFL offered it to CBS and NBC who both turned it down. ABC jumped on it and 555 games later, the rest is football history. 

Monday Night Football brought familiar faces to our homes every week - Howard Cosell, Dandy Don Meredith, Frank Gifford, and Keith Jackson.  Al Michaels took over the play-by-play duties in 1986, and will follow the series to ESPN next season, along with Joe Theismann, who gave us one of the more dramatic moments in MNF history.  I remember watching the game in the 1985 season when Theismann's leg was literally broken in two during a sack.  That is still one of the freakiest things I've ever seen on TV to this day. 

I did some research and was surprised to find that the Jets have the distinction of playing in both the first and last Monday Night Football games on ABC.  They lost both games - the first to the Browns, and the last to the Patriots - but it is a distinction nonetheless.

I guess I have nine months to call Insight Communications and get the cable moved from the living room to my bedroom so I can keep up my Monday Night Football tradition of watching the game from bed.  It's a good thing I have till September - it will probably take that long for Insight to come out here. 

 

Christmas 2005 Observations

We travelled quite a distance yesterday - a trek downtown to church and back home to the south end, and then a trip to the east end of town with a detour to downtown before heading back home.  In all our our travels on Christmas Day, I'm surprised to say that out of all the miles we covered, we only saw one restaurant open: Waffle House.  And it was the newly remodeled Waffle House just a mile or two from work, even.  We passed by it at about 9:30 in the morning, and at about 9:30 at night, and both times the parking lot was full and it didn't look like there was an empty seat available in the place.

I knew that there wouldn't be many restaurants open on Christmas Day, but I thought there would at least be a few open, for those that had no desire to cook Christmas dinner.  But no. No fast food, no steak joints, no chain restaurants, no Mom and Pop diners - nothing.  In keeping with the them from the funny movie "The Christmas Story" where Ralphie and his family have Christmas dinner at the Chinese restaurant, we didn't even see any Chinese restaurants open, either.  So if you wanted to go out to eat yesterday, you were out of luck if you didn't live close to a Waffle House. 

Another interesting observation came at Walgreens.  It was the only store open on Christmas Day.  A few years ago, I started a personal crusade about Walgreens being open on every holiday and vowed that I would not go there and shop on said holidays out of solidarity to the employees who were forced to work on the holiday when everyone else was off. And until yesterday, I kept my vow.  But since that was the only place open, that was where Dr. Joe called in my prescription.  So we stopped there on the way home from church to pick it up.  First of all, we had to park next door in the bingo hall parking lot because the Walgreens parking lot was full.  And we didn't park next to the drugstore side of the lot, either; we had to park on the other side of the bingo hall in their big lot.  I knew that was a bad sign. 

When I got in the drugstore, I counted 26 other people crammed back by the pharmacy, all 27 of us waiting for a prescription.  And there were at least that many people standing in line in the front of the drugstore, waiting to be checked out.  The majority of them were buying either batteries or potato chips.  I did see one girl in line purchasing an EPT home pregnancy kit.  I bet she had a Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Faithful Readers

Christmas 2005 is drawing to a close. I'm ashamed to say that I went into this holiday season as a big ole Scrooge, but thanks to a few unexpected events, it turned into one of the best Christmases I've ever had. It It also goes in the history books as a first for my family and me - this was the first Christmas that we were invited out for Christmas dinner.

Christmas Day started out not-so-good; yesterday I started coughing and sneezing.  By this morning, it was a full-blown upper respiratory infection.  I didn't feel all that bad,  but I sounded like I could have sang bass in the choir.  Our good friend Dr. J called in a prescription for me after church, God bless him. So hopefully, I'll be over this crap in a few days.  But in the meanwhile, I was determined to enjoy myself on Christmas day.  After coming home from church and regrouping, we headed back out to the east end of town to our good friends Jerry and Helen's home for Christmas dinner.  We had a great time.  Their son and his family were there, and we were surprised to see our dear, hip friend Lenora there, too.  Everybody had a great time eating and visiting.  It was worth battling a slight fever and nagging cough today just to see Lenora have such a great Christmas.  We got her all bundled up at about 9:30, and offered to drive her back to her apartment in downtown.  We braved the traffic and a few snowflakes and got her and us back home safe and sound.  As I was walking her to her apartment, she said that this was the best Christmas she's had.  I have to agree with you, too, Lenora. 

Link Of The Week

Since tomorrow is Christmas Day,and since Sunday is usually the Link Of The Week here in TWIT, I'm giving your the link today. 

It's Christmas Eve morning, and by now we've probably heard "The Twelve Days Of Christmas" a hundred times in the past month.  We've probably even sang it a few times, too.  Take a minute and visit http://www.pncchristmaspriceindex.com and you can see a breakdown of what all of the people, animals, and things mentioned in "The Twelve Days Of Christmas would actually cost of purchased today.  Our friends at PNC Bank have been keeping track, and they've made a nice chart so we can see how inflation has affected the items over the past twenty years.  Happy Christmas Eve, faithful readers. 

 

Let's Hear It For The Flannel

Disclaimer: If anyone is offended by the following journal entry, I apologize. But this is my journal, and I can write about whatever I want. 

I spent most of Christmas Eve eve morning messing with my new external CD/DVD burner. After using up about 87 blank CDs with trial and error attempted recording of karaoke songs, I'm very happy to report that this morning I finally was able to copy both the music files and the lyrics files successfully to a CD.  Oh happy day.  After lounging around the house and watching yesterday's exciting episode of "All My Children", Mom asked me to run up to White Castle for our family's traditional Christmas Eve eve lunch.  Not a problem, I told her.  I was going to change clothes and put on some jeans, but as I looked down at my red, black and white plaid flannel sleep pants I said "What the hell" and put on my tennis shoes and drove up there.  I was committing one of my personal cardinal sins: going out to the store in flannel sleep pants.  But I did it: I drove to the White Castle in the BMW while wearing plaid flannel sleep pants.  That sentence just screams oxymoron, does it not?

Usually, I can't go to the store - whether it's the grocery store, department store, drugstore, even the hardware store - without seeing at least one young woman there in those flannel sleep pants.  And most of the time, they have on some type of house slippers with their sleep pants, too.  I usually cringed whenever I saw flannel sleep pants being worn out in public, just like people in the White Castle did today when they saw me with my flannel sleep pants on. I guess I'm a hyporcrite because I wore them out in public today, but I just don't think that pajama bottoms should be worn out in public.  If your house is on fire and you have to run to safety in the middle of the night, wearing pajamas out in public would be perfectly fine.  Honestly, I originally planned on going through the drive-thru at White Castle, but it was packed so I decided to go in.  Oh well.  Nobody yelled at me or called me names, so it was ok. I did put on jeans later on this afternoon when I went out shopping.  And I can honestly say that I will never wear my pajama bottoms (nor the pajama tops) out in public again.

 

Happy Birthday, Susan Lucci

TWIT would like to wish a very happy birthday to Susan Lucci.  The star of "All My Children" is 58 years old today.  And looks damned good for a woman pushing 60, I say.   In January of this year, Ms. Lucci celebrated her 35th year of portraying Erica Kane, who TV guide calls "unequivocally the most famous soap opera character in the history of daytime TV." 

Unlike her character Erica Kane who has been married nine times to six different men, Susan Lucci married Helmut Huber in 1969, and they are still happily married today. They have two children, a son Andreas and a daughter Liza (who is a soap opera star in her own right on "Passions.")

I'm still bummed that I didn't get to make it down to Orlando's Disney World for this year's Soap Opera Weekend, but I've vowed to be down there next year for the festivities.  I will do whatever it takes to get to finally meet Susan Lucci and get my picture taken with her, even if it means standing in line all day long.  And you can rest assured the picture will be posted in TWIT as soon as possible. 

Please wish me luck, faithful readers - I'm going to enter my essay in the ABC TV contest where I could win an appearance on "All My Children" with my beloved Susan Lucci.  The essay is a short 50 word paragraph on why I feel I am the biggest "All My Children" fan.  The winner will get to appear on an episode of "All My Children" at Erica Kane's masquerade ball. I'll keep you posted. 

Happy birthday, Susan. Any many, many more.

The Legend Of Snowzilla

Step aside, Frosty, make way for ‘Snowzilla’
16-foot-tall snowman attains celebrity status in Anchorage

The Associated Press Updated: 2:15 p.m. ET Dec. 20, 2005

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - With the help of his kids and neighbors, Billy Ray Powers built more than just a snowman — they’ve dubbed his 16-plus-foot-tall creation “Snowzilla.”

After using up all the snow in the family’s yard, they turned to neighbors’ yards and carried buckets on sleds. They hand-packed the snowman like an ice-cream cone.

“It’s solid ice,” he said. “I put the arms in with my power drill.”

It took a month to complete the project. It was too big to use buttons for its eyes, so Snowzilla gazes over the neighborhood from beer bottles.

Powers says the project took on a life of its own as it got bigger and bigger. Now Snowzilla is attracting plenty of sightseers.

“People stop by, and they’re just flabbergasted,” said neighbor Darrell Estes. “They walk up and knock on it to make sure it’s real snow, not Styrofoam.”

This is about as close to a white Christmas as we're going to get here in the Ohio Valley, unlike last year when we were in the midst of Winter Storm 2004. 

I Thought We Had It Rough

It's been a bad week for cars in my little department at work.  My co-worker had not one but both of his family's vehicles in the shop at the same time.  And I'm sorry to report that the BMW has been in the shop yet again, faithful readers.  I noticed a leak on the carport floor a week ago that was the size of the spill from the Exxon Valdez.  I'd gotten an oil change the week before, and thought there was a chance that they didn't put the plug back in. In keeping with my luck, that wasn't the case.  So yesterday morning, I peeled more C-notes and bought the BMW a new master cylinder for Christmas.   Ho Ho Ho.  But I had my Blazer to drive, and my co-worker was able to get a ride to and from work, so it wasn't all that gloom and doom.  There is a bright side: at least we work in Louisville, KY and not in New York City with the mass transit strike going on.

I don't mind walking, and on a nice day, I would walk two miles after work down on the floodwall.  But if I had to walk to work because I didn't own a car and because there was no other transportation to get me there, I'm afraid I would have to just call in sick.  I've gotten kind of used to my 15 minute drive to work.  If I took our city bus to work, it would take about an hour to travel the same 8 miles.  If I were like those poor people in New York City and had to walk, it would take me about 3 hours.  Each way.  Not an option for me. 

It's only the end of day two of the mass transit strike in New York City, and they're already talking about how many millions of dollars it is costing the city.  I'm really surprised that the media hasn't already blamed Al Qaida for the strike.

What Would Sadaam Buy At Family Dollar?

I had dinner this evening with my dear friends T and S at an awesome new Chinese buffet.  It was a festive evening - we had a nice stroll from their home to the restaurant, and managed to dodge the traffic crossing the busy street without getting creamed by a car.  We had to walk through the shopping center to get to the restaurant, and inside we passed by a Family Dollar store.  I looked inside the store, and there standing in the checkout line was a man that looked just like Sadaam Hussein, complete with the black beard like he had when the Marines caught him down in the hole.  We all three saw him at the same time and had a good laugh over yet another celebrity wannabe sighting. 

After dinner, we sat around chatting and started talking about the Sadaam look-alike again.  Our first thought was how could a person go through life looking like one of the most despised men on the earth.  Our second question was why the man didn't just shave his beard and mustache off and then he wouldn't look like Sadaam any more.  Then we wondered . . . if Sadaam were actually shopping in the Family Dollar store, what would he buy?  We came up with some interesting suggestions:

Cheap wrapping paper -  if he needed to wrap some presents, and needed some paper at the last minute, then the Family Dollar is the place to get it.  He could get 3 or 4 rolls for a buck.

Chocolate covered cherries - he could get a box of these Christmas staples for only a dollar. 

Lavender-scented oil - he could mix this with some epsom salt and make his own fragrant bath salts.  A good sized botlle at Family Dollar was only two bucks. 

Spinner watch - Sadaam could choose from three styles: a dollar sign, a steering wheel, or a revolver chamber.  If Sadaam wanted to be like a gangsta, these would set him back a bit more - they were going for ten dollars.  But still a bargain for fake bling. 

Awww, Nuts

As I mentioned earlier, I braved the crowds and the elements and went to The Mall on Saturday morning to finish my Christmas shopping.  I hadn't been there since last Christmas, so I was a bit disoriented and ended up parking on the opposite of The Mall from where I needed to go.  Not a problem.  I had on my tennis shoes and was feeling energetic.  As soon as I entered the main part of The Mall, I saw row after row of kiosks selling everything from soup to nuts, literally.  I passed by the nut kiosk and a young foreign woman, possibly Bosnian, was weilding a pair of tongs, picking up nuts from a tray and was asking everyone that passed by if they would like one (in broken English).  I politely said "No, thank you." and went on my way to one of the bookstores.  I left that bookstore, and then travelled to the opposite end of the mall to another bookstore, and had to pass by the nut kiosk again.  Once again, the young woman held those tongs out in front of my face and asked if I wanted a nut.  Once again, I said "No, thank you."  I hoofed it down to the other bookstore, and came back down mall, ready to head to the car, when I had to pass by the nut kiosk a third time.  Yes, you guessed it.  The eager young woman was holding another nut in the tongs, trying to get me to take it.  I wasn't as polite this time, and just said "No" and walked on.  Before the nut kiosk was out of view, I turned back around and looked at their prices. They were pretty steep, by Planters canned nut standards.  I wanted to go back and tell the young woman "You know something?  I read somewhere that American Airlines left off one olive from the salads in the meals they used to serve on the planes, and it saved the company tens of thousands of dollars a year.  Maybe if you all didn't give every person in the mall a nut, you could drop your prices."  But I didn't.  I just walked onto the car, shaking my head. At least they didn't grab me at the mall like they did last year at the Dead Sea salt kiosk.

Link Of The Week

Everybody loves homemade cookies, especially at Christmas.  We might not all love to make them, but we sure do love to eat them. At Christmas time, even people like me who don't cook will get in the kitchen and make a batch or two of Christmas cookies.  In fact, if you're anything like me, you probably think you're a great baker.

If you're in the mood to do a little holiday baking, but are tired of the same old sugar cookie with sprinkles recipe that you use every Christmas, I've got the perfect site for you.  Check out http://www.Christmas-cookie.com.  You'll find recipes for just about every cookie known to man.  And for those of you who are doing the low-carb thing, they even have low-carb cookie recipes.   Happy baking.

I'm Glad I'm Done

I'm very happy to report that as of 10:25 this morning, I finsihed all of my Christmas shopping.  I got up early this morning and grabbed a cup of coffee and headed out to the mall.  I'd originally planned on getting there at 8:00 when they opened, but I wanted to sleep in a little bit.  I had no idea that the mall would be packed at 8:45, but it is the weekend before Christmas, so I should have expected it.  I only drove around the parking lot once when I found a parking spot on the end of the aisle, just a few feet from an entrance.  I thought it was a good sign.  As I walked to door, I went over the mental shopping list, and then I made my purchases, mentally checking each item off of my list as I went along.  In a half hour's time, I was on the way back to the car, thrilled to death. I had one more stop to make at the Super Wal-Mart on the way home, and then I would be finished.  I wasn't quite as successful at Wal-Mart as I was in the mall, but after a slight deviation from my mental shopping list, I bought my stuff and headed home. 

A lot of people would cringe when they read that I finished my Christmas shopping a week before Christmas; actually, that's early for me.  I usually finish up on the evening before Christmas Eve.  I wish I would pace myself during the year and start my Christmas shopping in the spring, like a lot of my co-workers do. But that's just not me; I work better under pressure when there's a deadline looming over me.  I did, however, just open a Christmas account at the bank, so even though I'm a procrastinator I should get credit for that.  At least I make a list of what I want to buy, instead of going out and just looking around for something; I should get credit for that, too.

I spent over an hour in the basement when I got back home from the hair salon, and now everything is wrapped and ready to go.  The new laundry table that Dad built is very handy for wrapping Christmas presants. If I'd thought about it, I would have taken off the pole where we hang the clothes, and slid a couple rolls of wrapping paper on it, and then I would have been just like the department stores' gift wrap counter.  Maybe next year. 

You Go, Miss Helen

We've already had a great Christmas at The Compound, and we still have eight days to go before it's Christmas Day.  We celebrated Christmas with our dear friends, Jerry and Helen tonight.  We had their favorite foods for supper - beans and cornbread, and enjoyed sitting around the dinner table talking and laughing and listening to them tell their famous stories.  During the after dinner conversation, I told them the story about our friend Lenora asking me about blogs and eBay.  Helen laughed and said that Lenora asked her about a blog at church one Sunday.  Helen said she didn't have a clue, and asked another church member who has a computer.  The lady she asked told her that a blog was where people brag about something.  Well, that is definitely the case about some of the blogs I've read.  Helen wasn't buying any part of that story.  She asked another member, who happens to be one of my most faithful readers, and he explained to them the real definition of a blog.  So now, pretty much most of Fourth Avenue Baptist Church knows about blogs.  I had no idea they were such hip people.

Pink Ink Finger

For the past two days, we've seen lots of TV coverage of the the elections in Iraq.  We knew there would be very tight security, and we knew there would probably be some terrorist attacks.  But I don't think anybody had a clue about the Pink Ink Finger. 

In the first few TV news reports I saw of the Iraqi people voting, I noticed something very strange - they all had an index finger that had been dipped in ink; in most cases, pink ink.  I just found out today why they all had an ink-stained finger.  To prevent people from voting more than once, before they place their ballot in the box, they dip their index finger in a very powerful ink that cannot be washed off for a few days.  That way, if someone tries to stuff the ballot box by voting a second time, the election officials would see their ink-stained finger and know they are up to some election shenanigans. 

If you ask me, I think we should use this here in the U.S.  The first place where this would be beneficial would be at Sam's Club or other big stores where they give out samples.  The store could set up ten booths for the samples, and each booth would have a different color of ink - ten colors of ink for each of the ten fingers and thumbs.  That way there would be no double dipping into the Boca Burger samples.  If the little ladies in their crisp, white shirts and black pants saw you come back to their booth with their ink color already on a finger, then you'd suffer the consequences of public humiliation.  They could also use these at stores for first-come first-served items.  That way nobody would be able to get another free pound of coffee or a second free pack of hot dog buns.  Yep, I think it would work. 

Farewell, Richard Pryor

I'm sad to report that Richard Pryor died this weekend.  The great comedian was 65 years old, and died Saturday morning of a heart attack.  Pryor had also battled multiple sclerosis for over twenty-five years.  Pryor was married six times, and had four children.

Pryor was regarded early in his career as one of the most foul-mouthed comics in show business, but he was widely successful for this expletive-filled insights on life and race relations.  Even though his material is modest when compared with some of today's raunchier comedians, it was shocking to us back in the day.  Yet he never apologized for it and everybody loved him.  His style has influenced such great comedians as Eddie Murphey, the Wayans Brothers, Arsenio Hall, and RobinWilliams. 

A series of hit comedies in the '70s and '80s, as well as filmed versions of his concert performances, helped make him Pryor one of the highest paid stars in Hollywood. He was one of the first black performers to have enough leverage to cut his own Hollywood deals. In 1983, he signed a $40 million, five-year contract with Columbia Pictures.  His films included "Stir Crazy," "Silver Streak," "Which Way Is Up?" and "Richard Pryor: Live On The Sunset Strip." 

Sadly enough, my generation probably doesn't remember Pryor for his comedy sketches or his movies; they remember how in 1980 Pryor was almost killed when he suffered severe burns over 50 percent of his body while freebasing cocaine at his home. An admitted "junkie" at the time, Pryor spent six weeks recovering from the burns and much longer from drug and alcohol dependence. Unfortunately, this terrible incident was the topic of many jokes from his fellow comedians. 

Throughout his career, Pryor focused on racial inequality, once joking as the host of the 1977 Academy Awards that Harry Belefonte and Sidney Poitier were the only black members of the Academy.   Pryor once marveled "that I live in racist America and I'm uneducated, yet a lot of people love me and like what I do, and I can make a living from it. You can't do much better than that."   

I'll laugh and think of Richard Pryor every time I reminisce about the scene in "Stir Crazy" when he was teaching Gene Wilder to walk and talk like a cool dude.  They were walking out of jail, strutting and saying "We bad, that's right. We bad."  You were bad, Richard Pryor.  And we'll miss you. 

Cookie Pies, Anyone?

Christmas means different things to different people.  To kids, it means presents and two weeks off from school.  To adults, it means paying for those presents and two days off from work.  To us working folk, it means the annual Christmas party and leftover food brought to work.  To us at ZCO, it means all of the above, and something else - it means the traditional Cookie Pie. 

The Cookie Pie tradition started at ZCO three years ago.  A company in Taiwan that we deal with sent us a few boxes of Cookie Pies.  Not just any Cookie Pie, mind you; these were pineapple Cookie Pies.  In typical ZCO fashion, just about everybody in the office tasted one of these Asian treats when the boxes were put in the lunchroom.  Note I said "tasted."  They are horrid.  I can't even begin to describe one for you - I am relying on my faithful readers at work to post a comment and tell you.  They can describe them more eloquently than I could. 

This year's supply of Cookie Pies arrived today.  I can't remember so many co-workers laughing about something like we do with the Cookie Pies.  We don't laugh about how they taste or look - we laugh about the wrapper and the wording.  In case you can't read the paragraph in picture #2 above, let me tell you what it says.  With exact punctuation and capitalization,  I quote:

"These pine-apple cookie pies are the most favorite refreshments in Taiwan, which were confectioned with the selected fresh pine-apple, pure honey, milk, and flour, etc. The taste is so mild and peculiar that not only children but also anyone would fancy them Suitable for indoor and or outdoor refreshments if refrigerate, the taste would be much different and better."

Just like we all will quote from favorite movies or songs throughout the year, if you keep your ears open at ZCO you're liable to hear "if refrigerate the taste would be much different and better." 

Link Of The Week

Once again, the town folk are abuzz with talk of more snow tonight.  For the past two days, the weatherazzi said we would just get a dusting tonight - not even a half an inch.  Well, for those of us Ohio Valley seasoned veterans, that translates to a big snow.  If you're like us here in the 'Ville and are tired of listening to the weatherazzi cry wolf about snow predictions, I found the perfect site for you.  Check out http://www.intellicast.com.  For this time of year, click on "Winter Storm" and then "Snow Forecast" and it will give you very accurate weather forecasts and snowfall predictions.  This past week when we were bracing for a half a foot of snow, Intellicast accurately predicted less than an inch.  As of 3:00 this afternoon, the weatherazzi said a dusting.  Intellicast said the snowfall would be halfway between the "light to moderate" range, and would be two or less inches.  We'll see tomorrow who was right. 

Thelma And Louise, PRP-Style

With the root canal drama going on for a week and a half, and with the weather this week, I'd put off the unpleasant task of going to WalMart.  I kept saying "I'll go tomorrow."  Well, "tomorrow" finally came.  This morning after breakfast, Mom and I bundled up and made our way out on the frozen tundra, aka our driveway, and hopped in the Blazer and headed to WalMart.  I was thrilled when we found a parking spot on the end of the aisle, just a mere few feet from the door.  We got inside, and were surprised to find that for a Saturday morning just fourteen days from Christmas, it wan't crowded at all.  We found the items we needed, and then headed to the check-out lanes.  It didn't take us long to figure out that the reason the store wasn't crowded was because eveybody was standing in one of the three lines open to check-out.  There was nowhere else to go, so we picked the least full line and patiently waited, reading the soap opera magazines and the National Enquirer while we waited.

We had about a dozen items in our shopping cart, and being filled with the Christmas spirit Mom let a Woman With Only One Item get in front of us.  Before you jump to conclusions and call me Scrooge, let me say for the record I didn't have a problem with that.   I did, however, have a problem with the Group Of Young Women in front of the Woman With Only One Item.  During what seemed like an enternity waiting there to be checked out, that Group Of Young Women were as annoying and as rude as can be.  They had all of their items to purchase in one big pile on the check-out conveyor belt, and were evidently paying for them all together.  First one woman would get fed up with waiting and grab her stuff and get out of our line and go to another line to wait.  Then a few minutes later, she'd get fed up with that line and come back to our line. This went on for about ten minutes. I was ready to take their Dora the Explorer table and hit them with it.  Then Mom had an idea - no, wait, she said it was merely a "suggestion" - she said I should grab the CO2 BB pistol I was getting Dad and see if I could move the line along a bit.  For a minute, I considered it.  It was a pretty safe bet that there were no air marshalls nor SWAT team members in the store to shoot me.  But then she repeated "It was just a suggestion."  So I stayed in line with her, where I wouldn't get into trouble. 

Then it came time for the Group Of Young Women to pay for their stuff.  That's when it really got interesting.  The first one gave the cashier a credit card, which was quickly declined.  After arguing with the cashier, she dug in her purse and handed her another credit card, which was also declined.  A second woman gave a credit card to the cashier, and told her to only charge X amount of dollars on it, and then the third and fourth women did the same.  The first woman, who had been digging through her purse, gave the cashier some cash which added with the other credit card transactions, was enough to finally pay for their stuff.   Now you can see why I wanted to shoot them.

On a side note:  in keeping with the WalMart tradition, there was in deed a half dozen people huddled around the crane game when we came in and when we left.  Some things never change. 

Digital Photography 101

A funny thing happened at work today.  It happened between my previous boss and my current boss. The women in the office had a wedding shower luncheon for a girl in the Customer Service department.  It's always nice to get together with co-workers you don't normally see during the course of the day.  Everybody brings something, and you take your normal lunch time and go upstairs to the conference room and party with your co-workers. 

Before we started eating today, Previous Boss came in carrying not one but two cameras.  One was a 35mm camera and the other was a digital.  She still had the digital camera in it's case, and was taking pictures with the 35mm.  She handed the camera to Current Boss and asked her to take a picture of her with the bride-to-be.  Current Boss took the picture, and before she handed the camera back to Previous Boss she looked at the back of it and had a puzzled look on her face.  She asked Previous Boss "Where's the display?  I want to see how the picture turned out."  Previous Boss looked equally puzzled. "I didn't know it had a display," she said earnestly.  Then the two of them damned near took the camera apart, trying to find the display window that was not there.  I was holding in the laughter as best as I could, since I was sitting there next to those two, and it was all I could do to keep my Diet Coke from snorting out of my nose.  I let this go on for a minute or two, and then finally spoke up "That's not the digital camera - that's the thirty-five milimeter camera.  There is no display window on that one. The display is on the back of the DIGITAL camera." 

This actually happened, faithful readers.  Trust me - I could not make this stuff up. 

Darn The Weatherazzi

I guess I'm probably the only person in Louisville that is disappointed that we didn't get our 4-6" snow today.  I was prepared - I wore my snow boots today, and the Blazer had a full tank of gas.  My whole department at work was prepared, too - I gave them their Christmas presents a couple of weeks early: deluxe combo ice scraper and brush. We were ready.  But it never came.  Well, it came in spurts, but not the snow of the century like the weatherazzi was predicting.   It started out as sleet this morning before lunchtime, then it snowed for about 10 minutes.  Then it stopped for an hour before sleeting again.  Then it rained for a bit, and then turned to snow.  We got maybe an inch of snow out here at The Compound, but that's it.   Guess we'll have to wait till another time to use the new snowblower.  Damnit.

Get Those Snow Blowers Ready

The grocery stores are packed right now with people buying bread, milk and beer; the weatherrazzi are making their snow accumulation predictions; I'm giddy with excitement.  The city is bracing for our first snow of the season.  I can't wait. We'll finally get to use our new snowblower that's been stuck in the back of the garage since I bought it last January.  

If you have a snowblower, or any other piece of equipment that has a gas engine and is used only a few times a year, I have some advice from my dear friend MP that I would like to share with you.  Please take the time to purchase a bottle of Sta-Bil additive.  Here's MP's testimonial, and some information on the product:

The gas stabilizer is an additive that comes in a little self dose bottle.  It prevents stored gas from deteriorating thus preventing the gum deposits in the engine that old gas typically does.  Most hardware and retailers sell it.  I use STA-BIL that Home Depot and Wal-mart stock. I keep plain gas in a five gallon container and add STA-BIL to that.   Then I divide that when needed into the two gallon containers for the weed eater, lawn mower, and snow blower since they require different oil/gas mixes.   A neighbor that resembles and sounds like Tammy Wynette stopped by because she could not get her weed eater starter since it had layed around for a year with old gas.  I replaced the fuel with my own gas with STA-BIL and it started right up.  You can put one dose to make last for a year, two to make it last for two years.  And now a word from our sponsor:

STA-BIL Fuel Stabilizer: • America’s top selling fuel stabilizer keeps fuel fresh for quick, easy starts after storage. • Removes water to prevent corrosion and cleans carburetors and fuel injectors. • Protects engine from gum, varnish, rust, and corrosion. • Prolongs engine life. • Eliminates need to drain fuel before storage. • For all 2 cycle and 4 cycle gasoline and diesel engines.

Root Canal, Part 2

I thought I'd better write to you, my faithful readers, before my prescription narcotics start taking affect.  Today was Part 2 of the root canal.  I was laid back in the big chair getting drilled on from 1:30 till 3:45.  It wasn't fun.  I was numbed up very well, so I didn't feel any pain, but the pulling and pushing and tugging was enough to wear me out. 

The doctor was able to find a second canal, and did a successful root canal on it.  But he drilled and drilled and wasn't able to find the third canal because it was so calcified.  Just my luck.  He plugged up the two canals with rubber, gave me a temporary filling and told me to get with my dentist to get a permanent filling.  I have to go back in 6 months to see if this whole drama was a success or not.  On the plus side, the endodontist said that since the third canal was so calcified, he doubted that the infection was coming from it, and that hopefully cleaning out the other two canals will take care of it.  If not, then this summer when I go back to the endodontist, they'll pull the tooth and put in a bridge.  But until then, I will remain hopeful that last Friday's and today's excavating will do the trick. 

Thank you again for your emails and phone calls.  You are the best blogger's faithful readers ever. 

File Under: WTF?

For the past year on my morning commute to work, I've been listening to "The Bob and Tom Show" on our very cool classic rock radio station.  If you've heard "The Bob and Tom Show" before, or know anything about it, then you already know that some of the jokes and material on there are for "mature audiences only."  So it came as no surprise this morning when I heard a commercial for a local strip club during a break in the show.  The commercial was advertising a special event going on at the strip club. The commercial was for "Little Sisters" - midget strippers.  Yes, midget strippers.  Let me apologize first because I'm sure I'm not being politically correct by using the phrase "midge strippers."  So pardon me if anyone is offended.

I'd honestly never heard of midget strippers before - I had no idea that they even existed.  But after hearing the commercial say that "Little Sisters" would be there December 5th, 6th, AND 7th, I realized that there must be high demand for midget strippers, since they were going to be appearing there for three days.  I mentioned this very interesting commercial to my co-workers, and we tossed around some interesting observations about "Little Sisters."  One co-worker said that he saw an ad in the newspaper about it.  This prompted me to go on a search through the offices, seeing if anyone had the sports section (where the ads for the strip clubs are.)  I found a newspaper, and sure enough, there it was on the second-to-last page of the sports section - an ad telling about "Little Sisters - the world's smallest strippers."  They said that Little Lacey (3'10") and Little Pixie (slightly taller, at 3'11") would be appearing.  We also wondered how they would be doing their show at the strip club - would they have special shorter poles for them to dance on/around?  Or would they have portable little carpeted stairs that they drag up for them to use to reach the pole? 

Link Of The Week

As you already know, I love eBay. Unfortunately for my checking account and/or credit card, not a week goes by that I don't bid on something.  I might not be the winning bidder, but I usually bid on at least one thing every week. The day before Thanksgiving, I was involved in a fierce eBay bidding war on a collector's item, autographed by my beloved Terri Clark (a cool MP3 player, loaded with every one of her albums was included, too).  The auction ended at an awkward time - it was when I would be en route to The Compound after leaving work.  Right before I left work, I got online and put in a pretty high bid to clinch my spot as the winning bid.  I sweated it out, and was the winner, but there was an easier way.  A friend at work told me about a site called ESnipe - they will bid for you in the anxious and fierce last couple of minutes of bidding in the last few minutes of the auction.  I checked them out, and it is very cool.   Sure, it costs you a small,small fee, but with their networks and servers, they're able to get in and make a bid when you might not have been able to.  Their eBay winning bid success rate is very impressive.  See for yourself at http://www.esnipe.com.  You just sign up, and then give them the item number on the item you want to bid on, and then give them the maximum amount you're willing to bid and let them do the rest.  I know I'll use them the next time I bid on a big-ticket item. 

It's Just Cheese And Coffee

I should have known better than to venture out to the store today.  I had a rough night last night with the tooth, and didn't sleep very well, so I don't need to tell you I was a bit on the cranky side today.  But I wanted to go up to the corner and check out a new store that just opened.  It's like Sam's but on a smaller scale.  They had great deals for their grand opening (35 pack of bottled water for only $3.99 - what a bargain) so I bundled up and headed up there.  The place was packed.  The parking lot next door to the store had a huge tent set up where they were giving away samples.  Needless to say it was packed, too. 

I found a shopping cart and made my way into the store. The first snag in the flow of traffic was just inside the door in the coffee aisle.  They had were giving away free cups of coffee.  There were a dozen people there, hovering around the coffee dispensers, getting their free shot glass-sized cup of coffee.  And they couldn't just get the coffee and go on down the aisle- they had to decide on which flavor of non-dairy creamer they wanted to use.  Even little kids were getting the free coffee.  As if having all of these shoppers buzzed on caffeine wasn't bad enough, they were too honery to even throw the cups away - just about every shelf in the store had a couple of the empty or half-empty coffee cups on them.  Sad, just sad.

I found the items I wanted and then attempted to head to the cashiers to check out.  To get there, I had to go through the dairy products aisle.  Big mistake.  BIG mistake.  There were probably twenty people huddled around the dairy case looking at the cheese.  Yes, cheese.  Not fancy cheese, like brie or gouda or anything like that; just ordinary colby or pepperjack cheese.  You would have thought these people had never seen cheese before.  As I said, it wasn't fancy - it was your ordinary cheese, in either brick or small cube form.  If I'd reached into the shelf, I think someone would have taken my arm off. 

The check-out lanes weren't too bad; I guess that's because everybody else was either getting coffee or cheese.  I sure hate to be those people tomorrow morning.  Or even worse, people that live with those people who are trying to get to the bathroom.

Root Canal Update

In keeping with my streak of bad luck, today's visit to the endodontist was no exception.  They did a few more xrays, and found out that the canals in my tooth had a lot of calcification.  So to make the very long story short, he did a root canal on one of the three canals, and I have to go back Tuesday and he'll attempt to do another root canal on a second canal.  If that is successful, then he'll finish with whatever it is he will have to do, and I'll be on my merry way.  If the canal has too much calcification, then I'll be referred to an oral surgeon and he'll have to pull the tooth and give me an implant or bridge.  Either way all I can see on the horizon is $$$$$$. 

I can't chew for a day or two, so I've had Slim-Fast and potato soup today.  I'm on antibiotics again, and on Vicodin for the pain.  Fortunately, ibuprofin has done the trick so far, but as the evening goes on, my mouth is hurting a bit more so I think I'll try to hold off and take a Vic before I go to bed. 

I'd like to send a personal thank you to the faithful readers who have emailed or called today to check on me.  You all rock. 

 

VCR Alert

Even though I had a root canal today (more on that to follow) I'm still in a great mood over tonight's broadcast of "Knots Landing - Together Again."  I've waited a long time for CBS to air a Knots Landing reunion, and as I sit in front of the fireplace tonight, nursing my swolen, sore jaw, I will be in heaven as I watch my beloved Donna Mills as she comments on the exerpts from the Knots Landing episodes.  Please be sure to tune to CBS at 9:00 est  - I'm sure you won't want to miss it.

Pray Fuh Me

As our beloved Bernie Mac frequently says on this show, pray fuh me, faithful readers.  Tomorrow at 8:30, I will be visiting the endodontist for my root canal.  If what my dentist and the endodontist says is true, it won't be nearly as bad and traumatic as I'd anticipated - at first, we thought they would have to take off my crown, do the root canal, put on a temporary crown, and then finally the permanent crown.  But this specialist is going to use sonar to locate the roots in the tooth, and will drill through the crown to do the root canal, fill the canal up with rubber, and then put some porcelain over the top of the crown and then I'll be good to go. 

The root canal has been looming over my head for a month or two.  My dentist and I originally decided to wait till after the holidays for the procedure, but the abscess got worse two weeks ago, and it was more than I could handle.  So after being on antibiotics for ten days, the time has come.  I'm not too nerved up about it; I just want to get it over with so I can chew during the holidays.