What Should You Do If You're Kidnapped By Terrorists?

I read an interesting article in a news magazine last week.  The article was titled "What If I'm Kidnapped By Terrorists?".  I re-read the article and thought about how the tips could apply to the workplace.

1.  Run away if you can; stay calm if you can't.  That's pretty much a no-brainer.  If you pull in the parking lot and decide you want to go back home, go for it if your boss, immediate co-workers or anyone in HR didn't see you.  If you were spotted pulling into the parking lot, just stay calm and suck it up for the next eight or so hours until you can make your escape.

2.  Once you're in your captor's custody, remaind courteous and comply with instructions.  Like it or not, you're there, so don't make waves.  Do what you're supposed to do, and be polite.  In other words, suck up to your boss as much as you can.  Offer to get coffee for your boss, and run errands for them in the building.  To help matters, if your boss has a sweet tooth, bring them a Little Debbie snack cake or a Krispy Kreme. 

3.  Don't get hostile or lose your temper; aggression is only likely to result in punishment.  Aggression is also likely to get you: fired, arrested, or sent to anger management classes.  It's just not worth it.

4.  Stay alert.  Another no-brainer.  Don't fall asleep at your desk unless it's your lunch time or break.  You don't want to get caught sleeping by your boss and get fired, and you sure don't want to miss your lunch or breaks because you were sleeping.

5.  If it becomes clear that you're going to be in captivity for a while, try to establish a routine.  Mark off the days on your calendar.  Even convicts in prison make hash marks on their cell walls to keep track of the days.

6.  Take your time performing tasks.  This is a tricky one.  You don't want to work so fast that they give you more work to do, and you don't want to work too slow that they'll fire you.  You'll have to use your own judgement on this.

7.  Do your best to establish a rapport with your captors.  Try to see their side of things.  For example, how would you treat yourself if you were your boss?  Would you fire yourself, or would you give yourself a raise? 

8.  Ask for things to make your more comfortable, so your captors will be aware of your needs.  First of all, I'd ask for a nice, comfortable chair, since you probably hope to do a lot of sitting.  Second, I'd ask for a new thin, flat screen computer monitor - the bigger the betters.  That way they'll think you're quasi-interested in doing some work.